twitter facebook stumble upon rss

I Told My Husband to Get a "Happy Ending"

sign up for the momlogic newsletter Tweet This

I don't consider it cheating -- and when he finally got his "massage," I was happy for him!

husband excited to get a happy ending massage

Guest blogger, Gina: About four years ago while my husband and I were out to dinner with friends, the subject of "full service" massages came up. My husband said he had never had one and the men at the table seemed surprised -- apparently men get them at least once before they get married. Anyway, I told him that if he had any interest that I wouldn't mind if he went for it. Ever since that day, my friends and I had been wondering when he would actually go through with it.

About every other month, he went for a massage. Sometimes to places that seemed on the up and up and sometimes to places that you think may offer the full rubdown. Every time he would come back I'd ask, "Well?" He never could get it done -- and we continued to razz him about it. We all knew he wanted to do it and it was pretty adorable to see him try and fail.

Then one day, he traveled to Asia for business. He and his friends went to a massage parlor. Apparently over there, the menu is more blatant. They even offer "full service" -- and they mean it. He opted for partial -- hands only. He proudly called me up immediately after to tell me all the details. When I answered the phone he said to me, "Fresh Pepper?" I knew exactly what he meant and we laughed for about 60 seconds straight. He told me that when some of his co-workers opted out because they were married, he bragged about the fact he had permission.

Call me naive, but I think his honesty is because of my open-mindedness. I mean, is he really going to run off with a happy ending masseuse? And if he does, do I want to be married to him anyway? I'm not sure if he'll do it again, but I think the whole thing is a testament to our connection and of course, makes a great story. So, ladies -- I recommend the happy-ending-go-ahead. I've never trusted my husband more.

David Duchovny Jim Bakker

next: Rebecca Romjin and Jerry O'Connell Prep for Parenthood
173 comments so far | Post a comment now
Jamie October 14, 2008, 12:36 AM

So let me get this straight. If a man and a woman have an open and honest conversation about what their sexual life is going to be like, if they are honest about all the pros and cons of either one of them getting a happy ending, and they decide, together, that this is what works for them — that somehow affects YOUR marriage?

I gotta wonder, how messed up is someone’s marriage that what a stranger decides to do, and write about actually rips at the fiber of your marriage. You’re like the people who think gay marriage makes straight marriage less sacred. My marriage is sacred because I entered into it with reverence and respect for the institution and no action of any other person can destroy that.

If you don’t have what I have… I just feel sorry for you. Cause any consenting adult anywhere can define marriage any way they want and as long as I have what I committed to, it isn’t my business. For me the plurality within the definition of marriage makes it stronger, not weaker.

Eddie P. October 14, 2008, 5:48 AM

Hey ladies, nice to see you acting all loyal and stuff, but don’t you realize that tens of thousands of married guys are doing this all over the country every single night of the week?Especially if they travel at all. Us guys talk. Just ask the girls that provide the services. Business is huge and they are servicing mostly married men because single guys can get laid just by meeting a girl at a bar. (who do you think goes to these ‘masseuses’? MARRIED GUYS! Every night.)

Do you all think those men belong to someone else??? It’s just not statistically possible. Probably better for all of you to keep thinking your guy would never do that. Right…

Tamara October 14, 2008, 7:18 AM

No matter what it is still cheating, and it’s wrong!

momoffour October 14, 2008, 7:26 AM

How can you love someone and be with someone else. I’ve been married for 26 years and I don’t want anyone but him. He is sometimes propositioned at work(seems single women like married men) but tells me when it happens and I’m proud that he turns them down. I think he’s proud too. We have neighbors who’ve been married/divorced over and over. Nearly all my kids friends have divorced parents or unmarried parents. I think morals are important and kids need to see parents making moral choices. What is this woman going to do if her husband makes it a regular habit (now that he’s had a taste of it) and starts chosing this over her? She’s pushed him to it and she may regret it.

K. Cleaver October 14, 2008, 7:29 AM

That is outside of our marriage vows. I would not wish to share something so personal with some strange woman.

I can’t imagine being happy and thrilled to have some other woman satisfy your husband. I’m sure he wouldn’t leave you for her, but that’s a part of his memory now where you don’t reside. Now you share his intimate thoughts with another woman. Now that the boundry of your marriage has been widened, there will be others that will also become part of his intimate memories.

I can’t imagine any woman wanting to share his husband in any way, yet here you are thinking it’s funny. My marriage is too important for us to put each other out to be tempted.

It’s sad to think that since you gave him permission that the temptation is no longer there. On the contrary. Now he can justify it. The last thing he was thinking of when he was being satisfied by another woman was you. That would hurt my heart.

You’ve opened the door. Now what was once special between you and your husband in your marriage is being shared with others. Somehow, that doesn’t make it so special now. Does it?

Go ahead and smile and joke about it. I guess that makes you look like that great tolerant and wonderful wife. I’m sure it’s important for you to look good to others huh?

I can’t imagine needing to look for fulfillment outside of our marriage.

Tiffany, (in reply to your post about not wanting your children to choose to fit the standards other people live by…) I want my kids to learn the standard respect, trust, and standard morals. I’m not interested in teaching my kids to opposite. Don’t be mad at us for YOU not wanting those standards for your kids. You can teach them to be that other woman that satisfies married men. Or teach your son that fulfillment outside of marriage is the fun way to go.

K. Cleaver October 14, 2008, 7:30 AM

So Tiffany, what did your vows say? LOL

Wilma October 14, 2008, 7:31 AM

I applaud you for the honesty in your relationship.

STD’s can be transmitted via oral sex.

Do you really want your husband in that situation?

tkristo October 14, 2008, 7:53 AM

how could you be married to someone like that? did you read what you wrote? you do not get married to have your husband go and get full or even partial service of any kind from ANYONE else! what ever happened to morals,values and vows?

johnny who October 14, 2008, 8:00 AM

Faulty logic of Jamie said…

“You’re like the people who think gay marriage makes straight marriage less sacred.”

No, that’s you placing that bad argument in our mouth. A brother marrying a sister doesn’t affect my straight marriage but that doesn’t mean that siblings should marry.

It’s what comes AFTER and BECAUSE of gay marriage is the issue. Two recent examples.

1) A gay teacher takes her 1st grade class on a field trip to city hall and then proceeds to marry her gay lover.

2) The oldest adoption agency in Mass. (Catholic charity) is shut down because the Mass. court tells them they HAVE to place babies into gay families.

The ability to project forward and to understand the implications of one’s decisions is what seperates adults from children.

The author is still a child, and so is her husband.

Kittyk10 October 14, 2008, 9:23 AM

He obviously wantedt to do it, and well, let’s be honest a guy’s gonna do what he wants to do…She only allowed him to do it without the nagging guilt or lies which would actually drive a wedge in their relationship…and a “full service” massage is much different than allowing him to peruse a bar and seduce another woman. This was strictly “business” with no feelings either way. America needs to be more openminded like the rest of the world. I think it’s great you two can be so honest.

Sandy October 14, 2008, 9:27 AM

YUK. Encouraging cheating is just plain wrong.

Pam October 14, 2008, 9:52 AM

I don’t care if you call me old fashioned, prude, whatever you want, but it’s just not right! In todays society a lot of people don’t even take their marriage vows seriously so I don’t even know why they get married. I think they just go through the service, not paying attention to the words, just thinking about getting to the honeymoon. The vows today should be, “till I something better comes along”. I’ve been married 31 years and the only “happy ending” would be coming from me, not anyone else or my “happy ending” would be in divorce court.

nikki October 14, 2008, 10:11 AM

You sound like bill clinton…”i did not have sexual relations with that woman” Sorry to tell you honey but if he recieved “physical sexual pleasure” by another individual that is not you…I would call that cheating..but if you are ok with it, thats your deal.

chrissie October 14, 2008, 10:12 AM

I just saw a special on T.V. talking about girls as young as 6 being forced into the sex trade business. I’ve been married for over 15 years and my husband and I have both taken our wedding vows very seriously but if the truth be told, I would rather he cheated on me with anybody else than someone who works in the sex business. Most of these girls are forced, beaten, mistreated and unable to get out of it and to know that you keep them in business is horrible. I think you should think about the girl next time you give your husband permission to get the “happy ending” because he may feel happy but I sure she doesn’t.

princess October 14, 2008, 10:22 AM

I think that once you are married that type of experimenting is out of the question. This is definitely something I would be open to as a boyfriend/girlfriend couple. However, I feel that marriage vows should be taken more serious.

Becca October 14, 2008, 10:38 AM

First off one should never give their partner the ok to have little fling even if it is considered a message! Its just asking for trouble! What would she have done if he had gone through with more! Sure in her blog she say’s she wouldn’t want be with a man who would do that to her anyway! Come on realistically she wouldn’t have left him! She would have felt hurt and betrayed and all becasue she had to go and say its ok behavior for her husband to get away with once! I would never tell my husband it is alright and go out and get a full service message! He would never tell me that it was alright ether! As far as building trust through this I don’t see how? My husband and I trust each other becasue we both know we would never ever do that to the other! We trust each other becasue of our bond and the unique love we have for each other that is for no one else! Our intimate moments are special becasue they are not with other people! Long story short to open a window of permission like that would be asking for heart ache! Never give your partner permission to cheat even once! Its not a good idea!

stacy October 14, 2008, 10:46 AM

i just dont get how other people judge themselves and others so freely and harshly ………..but any how what i want to say is who cares.if you and your spouse feel so horrified at the choice of sexual recreation in no uncertain terms…then dont participate.however if you and your spouse enjoy sexy extras just be clean and practice safe sex….and by the way for the women who claim my husband would never …need to wake up becuz the women at these parlor are experienced and professional they do it for the pleasure of pleasing someone and the greenbacks that dont have to be wrestled out of yo mans eat dog world…or in this case hand meets man world lol.

nancy October 14, 2008, 11:34 AM

There is one other issue at hand here besides the obvious ickiness of this situation—that is the huge tragedy of the sex slave market that is prevalent in the world today. This criminal underworld is thriving and destroying the lives of thousands of women and children. All people should be concerned and horrified with the fact that a large majority of women and children who get into this business are forced into it and have been abused themselves.
Perhaps the next time your husband and you have this great idea, you’ll think twice.
Also, if your husband was hesitant in the first place—that’s called having a conscience~!! why encourage him to do something that he was not comfortable with in the first place? What on earth was your motivation. I thought marriage was about supporting each other to be the best person they can be.

ladyjay October 14, 2008, 11:48 AM

Go,Tiffany!Go Tiffany Girl I am not mad at you… I read all of the comments and this is just what I say.. Women want there husbands to be open with them but when they do open up,We( the women) get mad or frustrated when all that energy could have been used on something fun.. Some of these women have got to be old or bored.. Come on ladies have alittle fun.. Go and grab your husband and ask him about getting a massage and not by you and for the husbands that raise that eyebrow with uncertainty you my dear have a boring marriage. Live alittle…

Andi October 14, 2008, 11:54 AM

Personally, I think that I am way too insecure to try this in my own marriage. However…I do agree that if this is something that Gina is okay with…then so be it.

Someone commented that this is the reason the divorce rate is so high, but it’s not. This is not breaking up their marriage. In fact, she feels assured that she can trust him. It’s not the same as a husband screwing around behind his wife’s back.

Some couples do things a little differently…and if it works for them and they’re happy, who are we to judge?…

Back to top >>