twitter facebook stumble upon rss

I Told My Husband to Get a "Happy Ending"

sign up for the momlogic newsletter Tweet This

I don't consider it cheating -- and when he finally got his "massage," I was happy for him!

husband excited to get a happy ending massage

Guest blogger, Gina: About four years ago while my husband and I were out to dinner with friends, the subject of "full service" massages came up. My husband said he had never had one and the men at the table seemed surprised -- apparently men get them at least once before they get married. Anyway, I told him that if he had any interest that I wouldn't mind if he went for it. Ever since that day, my friends and I had been wondering when he would actually go through with it.

About every other month, he went for a massage. Sometimes to places that seemed on the up and up and sometimes to places that you think may offer the full rubdown. Every time he would come back I'd ask, "Well?" He never could get it done -- and we continued to razz him about it. We all knew he wanted to do it and it was pretty adorable to see him try and fail.

Then one day, he traveled to Asia for business. He and his friends went to a massage parlor. Apparently over there, the menu is more blatant. They even offer "full service" -- and they mean it. He opted for partial -- hands only. He proudly called me up immediately after to tell me all the details. When I answered the phone he said to me, "Fresh Pepper?" I knew exactly what he meant and we laughed for about 60 seconds straight. He told me that when some of his co-workers opted out because they were married, he bragged about the fact he had permission.

Call me naive, but I think his honesty is because of my open-mindedness. I mean, is he really going to run off with a happy ending masseuse? And if he does, do I want to be married to him anyway? I'm not sure if he'll do it again, but I think the whole thing is a testament to our connection and of course, makes a great story. So, ladies -- I recommend the happy-ending-go-ahead. I've never trusted my husband more.

David Duchovny Jim Bakker

next: Rebecca Romjin and Jerry O'Connell Prep for Parenthood
173 comments so far | Post a comment now
ladyjay October 14, 2008, 12:06 PM

I just wanted to add that my husband and I have been together for over 13 years and we are a young couple(30 and 32) and yes we do have children. I believe that a marriage is suppose to be opened and honest and all I can say is that this man explained to his wife that this is something that he was interested in and she was cool with it..
That is a real marriage. Don’t hide because if you have to do that(hide) then yes that would be cheating. Someone made the comment that if you are not doing that in front of your wife then it is cheating. If the wife knows when it went down I don’t think so.. I would’nt mind it…. just as long as we agreed…

Andi October 14, 2008, 12:18 PM

I see people using the word “faithful” in their comments about this article…but what does that word mean? The definition may vary from couple to couple. That is one of the things that makes marriage so personal.

I don’t think this woman’s husband was “unfaithful”. She gave him the okay to do this. If indeed he gave her full disclosure and is not hiding anything about what actually happened…then where does the deceit associated with being unfaithful come in?

I believe that monogamy is a beautiful thing, and I don’t mean to come off as someone who necessarily condones this type of thing, but I also think that boundaries are different for everyone. So if this woman and her husband had fun with this experience, then more power to them.

Anonymous October 14, 2008, 12:53 PM

I would not let my husband do this ever but if one is a person who doesn’t care or mind their partner doing this then to each their own.
Relationships are all as different as the people in them.

Jamie October 14, 2008, 12:55 PM

Actually Johnny Who, you are the one with faulty, and bigoted logic. What I said is that people who believe that what goes on between other consenting adults diminishes their personal religious and social decisions don’t have enough faith in themselves. Faithful gay marriage doesn’t diminish faithful straight marriage. Open relationships don’t diminish faithful relationships. That you are in anyway diminished by someone else’s choice shows your own faults, not the other person. My marriage can survive this woman’s decisions.

Can yours?

Aaron October 14, 2008, 1:06 PM

This column was written by a man.

Lori October 14, 2008, 1:20 PM

I think its vile. Sex is an intimate expression of love and should remain between the two people that are married. If Gina is dumb enough to let her husband explore sexual activity outside the marriage, then I won’t feel sorry for her when her husband actually goes all the way with another woman. She’s probably trying to grease his wheels so she can feel justified in cheating herself. I don’t think any of the women who agree with me are insecure. We actually enjoy taking care of our men ourselves and not leaving it to a paid prostitute.

Trina October 14, 2008, 1:21 PM

I say go on and be happy about your chioice. The only major delimma is that there is respect and honesty displayed in your actions!!!! Keep hope & your marriage alive by continuing to do what makes you happy and dont forget you must also be able to live with your decesion and any consequences that follow, after all that is what being a responsible adult is all about!!!

Ashley October 14, 2008, 1:23 PM

I think its great when a couple can communicate and agree on something of this caliber. If you trust your husband, forget what everyone else says or thinks. You seem to have a true loving relationship which is what is lacking in todays society. Honey continue to support your man and he’ll do the same when your in need!

dm October 14, 2008, 1:46 PM

ok, i think i’m the only man to comment on this.
i’ve read most of the comments and i see a lot of talk about ‘loyalty’.
i guess it comes down to the fact that for a man, sex does not equal ‘loyalty’ in the same way as it may for many (not all) women.
sex HELPS with partner loyalty, it isn’t a total substitute for it.
sharing MANY experiences is where a man’s head is at, i dare propose, NOT just on one thing.

if a doctor gives me a diruetic or a sinus flush, he is helping a bodily fluid come out of me.

but to many women, this other bodily fluid takes on a sanctified meaning. it may be hard to comprehend, but a male orgasm can just feel good like stretching in the morning, or a warm bath after a long day.

i can hug my friends, my children, my wife, and my parents and it all means different things.

in a man’s mind, so can an orgasm.

as hard as it may be to believe, and radical and prbly not nice to hear, but, sometimes it’s ‘just a thing’ and it’s totally about us, on the inside, not the person doing it to us or for us.

how’s that for conceited and selfish! LOL

just thinking out loud, from a regular guy…


Jack October 14, 2008, 1:54 PM

Hey, if it works for these two, who are we or anyone else to cluck disapprovingly. The proof is in the pudding, and if their openess and honesty keeps their marriage sound and happy…well, why not? Perhaps it’s not something you might do, but you’re not in this marriage, are you?

Whatever works…. ;-)

Tasha October 14, 2008, 2:04 PM

I think it’s interesting the many points of view already expressed here.

Marriage is only defined in the ways those participating in it have defined it. Just because person A and person B have defined marriage one way and person C and D have defined it another way doesn’t make it any more ‘wrong’ than others. Just because the majority define marriage one way, doesn’t mean the minority is wrong. If we follow that logic that the majority is ‘right’, then does that mean in the United States where 60% of the population are Christian, that a Muslim marriage (around 10%) is wrong?

We get it. Just because you wouldn’t do it doesn’t mean it’s ‘wrong’ for others to do it and vice-versa. There is a difference between voice opinions and forcing your views onto others.

Our society has defined marriage so long by the typical church and religious views that we have become completely intolerent to anything beyond that. Just because you wouldn’t do it doesn’t mean people out there don’t. People have also long associated sex with marriage that when you try to disassociate the two, you’re considered a heathen. Look at how you define your rules/vows/whatevers before jumping in on the ‘that is wrong’ bandwagon.

I will agree that in my view, that is considered nasty, and while I myself will never do it, that doesn’t mean I’m going to completely be intolerent to those who will.

You may complain about the ‘downfall of society’ because of ‘loose moral standards’ or whatever, but once again, you’re using the majority to force the minority to conform to the ‘standards’ that you believe in. Go on, keep believing in ‘standards’ by what’s dictated by the majority, and you’re reintroducing intolerence and all those evils associated with it. Remember, we follow the Bible when it comes to some things, but we don’t stone anyone who works on Sunday.

Kate October 14, 2008, 2:10 PM

dm - You’re right: what you described is totally selfish. Sex in a marriage isn’t about just the man or just the woman. It’s about the union of the two. So a sexual experience that the man enjoys apart from the woman is definitely going to have an emotional effect on her. If a man truly cares for the well being of his marriage and of his wife, he would consider this before pursuing his own sexual adventure. So maybe sexual loyalty isn’t important to men, but it (most of the time) is important to women. In that respect, it ought to be important for a man to be loyal to his wife.

Lady G October 14, 2008, 2:28 PM

While I think the author has been refreshingly honest about this (and it made the post a very good read), I would not want my husband to be sexually satisfied by another woman - end of. I don’t know you but I have no reason to doubt that you love each other.

Your husband in this instance, however, was teased about not having paid someone for a sexual service. What about the effect on his ego? That can make someone feel a little inadequate - who’s to say he’s not sensitive to that? Perhaps he did it to stop the ribbing and earn some kudos. Be very careful with that; he might take it as licence to push the boundaries, and find someone to provide him with happy endings - or more - on the regular.

You’re the best judge of your marriage, but remember: It’s only funny until someone loses a husband.

Alex October 14, 2008, 2:51 PM

WOW. Honestly, as a guy, I can tell you all, that this is a joke. There is no difference between this and going with a prostitute. “I trust him more” …yeah hmmm way to think it through.

Further, whats to stop him from thinking “Well she was ok with this, so I ll do this too”. It can become a downward spiral and eventually ruin a marriage. The fact that she cajoled him to have this done, is not only odd, but slightly demented. Marriage is not a bf gf - its a sacred union between two people who love each other.

Tamerra October 14, 2008, 3:46 PM

I think this is just nasty! Why be in a relationship and still have relations with other people? If my husband ever do this I would have hot grits waiting to put on his private area with melted butter :)!!!!!!!!!

Kandi October 14, 2008, 4:43 PM

You just opened the door to cheating. You can’t give men and inch they take a million miles. You might be lucky if he actually tells you the next time or hey it might even be sex next time. Good luck on your marriage.

jeff October 14, 2008, 5:45 PM

you have to be kidding me…..when i first read this article i thought it was a joke and kept waiting for the puchline…..but to my utter amazement and disgrace i got to the end and she wasn’t kidding ….WOW….this is so sad….to actually try and justify this behaviour in any way at all means you obviosly don’t love your husband enough to respect your own marriage. ya don’t get married if you’re still into these types of actions…really….it’s understood that no matter if you write your own vows or not you wouldn’t include ” and i vow to make sure my husband knows he can get a happy ending in a massage parlour”…i mean does the poster of the story and the 1% of people posting their comments that actually think this is ok, (with a straight face i might add)know how unbeleivably ridiculous they sound??? i hope this fraction of people at least are not raising kids….what an ugly lesson to learn, i feel sorry for them. and to think the wife in this story was actually making fun of her husband because he hadn’t done this yet, even AFTER being married to her, is just mind shattering….i’m still picking up the pieces… can we say ho-bag!!!

thanks, jeff

Emil October 14, 2008, 6:19 PM

Good for your husband!

I frequent places like this and go for quite a bit more than the manual release. I’m married, and it does not affect my relationship one bit. Does she know? Hell no!

Lissa October 14, 2008, 6:46 PM

Of course everyone’s “standing up for marriage”. You’re on a site called “Mom Logic”. A swinger’s site would obviously be exactly opposite. Marriage is an agreement between TWO people, not three. Therefore, your opinion remains just that.

Aliza October 14, 2008, 6:58 PM

lol… What a great story! lol…

Lighten up ladies… I had never heard of a “Happy-Ending” until this past summer when some friends were joking about it at a BBQ. My husband said he had heard of it but had never in his life had a professional massage of any type. The next day I made reservations for him to have a full body massage. I told him the next time he was getting a massage, I wanted him to have a (hands only) happy-ending. He got angry and refused. I told him, not only did I want him to have a (hands only) happy-ending, but I wanted him to call me while he was getting one so he could listen me while I pleasured myself. lol… It was amazing for both of us. He said he was extremely embarrassed afterward and would never return, but it was a wonderful experience for us both.

According to him, he is the luckiest man in the world. We’ve never been happier or more fulfilled in our relationship.

Back to top >>