Guest blogger Geri notices at her house that when the fur starts flying, it's time to get jiggy.
It is interesting that often, when my husband and I argue very noisily and passionately, we end up having the best sex the next day. Now mind you, we have been married 15 years and are totally committed to the fact we will never be able to divorce. We are permanently fused due to: A) our religious convictions, and B) the fact we have two kids with a very expensive and demanding life-threatening disease. We are also not cruel or deliberately hateful to one another. It is just a very noisy, frustrating -- often tearful -- frenzy, due to not being able to get the other person to see our point of view.
The next day when we reflect, it is even hard to remember what the heck we were saying during particularly heated moments. And then it is like this cool breeze of release -- and we are madly in love once again.
I decided to see if this phenomenon has been studied and what I found is -- not much. I did come across a book called "The Handbook of Closeness and Intimacy." The contributing authors are some of the most active and widely recognized relationship scholars in the field. In the section that discusses general processes of closeness and intimacy, it describes arguing as a form of intimacy.
Right on, I'd say. I rarely argue with people I am not extremely close with: my best friend, sister, mom and the big lug I'm married to.
Look, I'm not a marriage counselor, but letting loose with a fur flying volley of, "You never..." really clears the air with us and we end up having heartfelt discussions instead of the usual evening banter. That leads to some intense and deeply intimate feelings on both our parts. So, go ahead, argue about the bills, have a frank talk about his mother, and then put on something skimpy.