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Knock-down Fight, Knock-out Sex

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Guest blogger Geri notices at her house that when the fur starts flying, it's time to get jiggy.

couple arguing

It is interesting that often, when my husband and I argue very noisily and passionately, we end up having the best sex the next day. Now mind you, we have been married 15 years and are totally committed to the fact we will never be able to divorce. We are permanently fused due to: A) our religious convictions, and B) the fact we have two kids with a very expensive and demanding life-threatening disease. We are also not cruel or deliberately hateful to one another. It is just a very noisy, frustrating -- often tearful -- frenzy, due to not being able to get the other person to see our point of view.

The next day when we reflect, it is even hard to remember what the heck we were saying during particularly heated moments. And then it is like this cool breeze of release -- and we are madly in love once again.

I decided to see if this phenomenon has been studied and what I found is -- not much. I did come across a book called "The Handbook of Closeness and Intimacy." The contributing authors are some of the most active and widely recognized relationship scholars in the field. In the section that discusses general processes of closeness and intimacy, it describes arguing as a form of intimacy.

Right on, I'd say. I rarely argue with people I am not extremely close with: my best friend, sister, mom and the big lug I'm married to.

Look, I'm not a marriage counselor, but letting loose with a fur flying volley of, "You never..." really clears the air with us and we end up having heartfelt discussions instead of the usual evening banter. That leads to some intense and deeply intimate feelings on both our parts. So, go ahead, argue about the bills, have a frank talk about his mother, and then put on something skimpy.

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4 comments so far | Post a comment now
she October 26, 2008, 10:17 AM

No way! When I’m mad at DH I don’t want him to touch me at all!! We don’t scream when we argue, we have “discussions”.. and *usually* we end up being closer afterward. Not all the time. It sucks when we’re both right about something and there’s no clear answer! We’ve been together for 4 yrs

Put up your dukes, then hold me with them October 26, 2008, 2:00 PM

I used to have this kind of passion with one of my exes - only our makeup sex usually started in the heat of the moment with tears falling and fists still flying. To this day, some of the most memorable sex I’ve ever had!

Kitty February 1, 2009, 9:21 PM

I believe that when an argument starts, then the air is cleared, following a passionate and heartfelt discussions will relieve so much tension, stress that’s been building that it is so cleansing and refreshing! You are so blessed to have a mate that doesn’t hold a grudge. It sounds to me that the two of you love each other and your children immensely. What a wonderful way to clear the air then love each other. A woman and a Man that can share that much passion and fire in there relationship is awesome…don’t let this man slip from you, you two have something very special…nothing wrong with that kind of sex as far as I’m concerned…I just wish my husband would have any kind of passion in anything…

Erika  May 25, 2010, 7:54 AM

I would think choke him and then make crazy love to him ;)

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