Guest blogger Dani Klein Modisett: "Exhausted, nauseated, teary. I was sure I was pregnant this week."
I haven't gotten a period in 15 months now -- 25 if you count the pregnancy, and why wouldn't you? In the last month or so, my husband and I have started having sex again with some regularity and because we did IVF to have our second child, birth control never enters our minds. About two weeks ago I started becoming really tired and nauseated -- the kind of tired where you simply cannot lift your head off the pillow. The kind of tired I felt the first month of pregnancy with each of my sons. I wanted to wait to take a pregnancy test though. I was sure I was going to miscarry and didn't want to get all invested in "being pregnant." I figured I'd wait until some horrible bloody event and then I'd just say to myself, "I guess I was right, I was pregnant," and that would be that.
Then my hair started feeling thicker and my skin smoother, you know, from all the increased estrogen running through my body. Within two days, in my mind, I had our home office moved out side the house to make room for the baby. The next day everything started smelling really strong too. I had to change seats at dinner to get away from this woman and her perfume. That's when I decided it was time to take a pregnancy test. I mean, it was so obvious that I was pregnant, I might as well just confirm it. When my baby woke up at 4 a.m. crying, I brought him in to the bathroom with me so I could pee on a stick. I was so convinced, I barely looked at it. But then I did and I wasn't. At all. My heart sank. Not only because it immediately brought back all those negative pregnancy tests I took for two years hoping I was, but also because, as unprepared and ill-equipped as we are for another baby, I was really disappointed. It's not like we're going to try to have another child, but an "accident" would be perfect. Whenever people ask us if we're going to try for a girl, my husband and I immediately answer, "No, we're done." In my heart I'm really not, I'd have had six kids if I'd started earlier.
But I didn't and my ovaries, not my heart, have the last word on this one.
|Dani Klein Modisett is the mother of 1-year-old Gideon (pictured) and 5-year-old Gabriel. She is comedy writer/creator/producer of the show "Afterbirth...stories you won't read in Parents magazine." An anthology of stories from this show will be published by St. Martin's Press, in stores in May 2009.|