Why Not Having a Mom Sucks

Why Not Having a Mom Sucks

Friday, October 24, 2008

Momlogic's Julie: When I heard the news of Jennifer Hudson's mom's death today, I felt sick to my stomach ... because I know exactly how it feels to not have a mom.

Jennifer Hudson's mom died today, and I'm sure it is the worst day of Jennifer's life. Jennifer is 27, the exact same age I was when my mom died. My life has never been the same.

Jennifer Hudson's mom will never see Jennifer walk down the aisle. That is a dream that every mother has for their daughter. It is heart-wrenching to think about how close her mother was to actually having that dream come true, since Jennifer just got engaged.

Jennifer Hudson's mom will never see Jennifer's kids. My mom never saw mine either. It's hard not to feel cheated when I hear my friends talk about how much their own moms love and dote on their babies. It kills me on the inside to know that my mom will never be able to kiss or hug my two beautiful children, because I can only imagine how much she would have loved them.

Jennifer Hudson's kids will never know their grandmother. I tell my kids about Grandma Freda but it's hard for them to really know how wonderful she was because they will never meet her. Pictures and stories can only convey so much, but they're all we've got.

Jennifer Hudson's mom will never see Jennifer as a mother. It saddens me so deeply to know that my mother never got to see me as a mother. She never got to see the woman that I grew up to be ... the person that she shaped and molded for 27 years.

Jennifer Hudson will never be able to call her mom again. That's what I miss most ... being able to pick up the phone and hear her voice. I never got to call her when my kids had a midnight fever to ask her advice. I never got to call her to share a funny story about preschool or kindergarten. I never got to call her to ask what I was like at three, at five, at seven.

Jennifer Hudson will never have a mother again. And no one will ever love you as deeply or be as proud of you as your mother is. I have an awesome husband, a great dad, a wonderful brother and two amazing kids, but tears are streaming down my cheeks right now as I write this ... nearly 10 years after her death ... because no one can ever replace your mother.

And that's an ache that never goes away.

45 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

My heart and prayers go out to Jennifer and her family. Know that God is her mother and father and that her mother is always watching over her. I have lost my mother and father and my baby brother and the pain will be great but know that they are watching. Love Jynell Renee

- Jynell Renee

Posted 10/24/08 08:51 PM

I too do not have a mother (she died when I was 29) and I agree that it is the biggest loss I have ever faced. I think if you lose your mom young it shapes you forever. I am thinking about Jennifer in this time and thank you Julia for sharing your story.

- April

Posted 10/24/08 08:58 PM

While your article I think has good intentions, I thought it was a little much. While every little thing you mentioned is true, I found it to be a little more one the hurtful side rather than helpful. Instead of pointing out all the negatives, perhaps you could have said something about how to make it through such trying times. If Jennifer Hudson were to read this right now, I think she would be on the verge of killing herself. It was a little too soon to publish this article in my opinion.

- Emily Tilden

Posted 10/24/08 09:47 PM

Emily, I highly doubt Jennifer Hudson is reading momlogic today (especially not being a mom) and I bet she has enough reasons to want to kill herself (as you said) right now. I think what this article is doing is telling or reminding us MOTHERS how the pain of losing a mother really never goes away. And maybe only another mother who has lost her mom knows that. Obvioulsy this person went on to have children and a life after her mother died - she did not kill herslf despite the negatives. As a woman who has lost my mother at age 36 (mother was 57), this article made me feel better because I can relate. the pain of losing a mother never goes away and the sisterhood of motherless daughters is strong. I hope you never have to experience what it feels like. We are sad to welcome Jennifer into our fold but only another woman who has lost her mother can truly understand. so many of my friends who have their moms say “look on the bright side,” “she’s with you in spirit,” and that does not help at all. I know they might have good intentions but the truth is that losing your mom at a younger age does suck and it’s not fair and that’s just a fact of life. yes it might make us stronger but this is one thing you cannot put a bright side on. we are there for jennifer and praying for her now.

- Jamie Hernandez

Posted 10/24/08 10:12 PM

Jennifer we love you

- amy

Posted 10/24/08 10:15 PM

I agree with Jamie. If the writer was honest enough to reveal her deepest darkest feelings with us, we should have some empathy for her too. Thank you, Julie, for giving us insight into what it’s like to lose your mom later. I lost mine as a small child and it never sank in how devastating it is at any age.

- Anonymous

Posted 10/24/08 10:35 PM

Jennifer first I am deepely sorry you will be In my prayers. It has been me over 8 year for me, but at this moment know one can say anthing to make you feel better, but god makes no mistakes. For me when I feel myself getting real upset I say that shes in a better place.

- Felicia

Posted 10/24/08 10:38 PM

Jennifer I am so sorry for your sudden loss. I am praying for you and your family We love you.

- Lindsey Brown

Posted 10/24/08 10:40 PM

Thanks for writing this….I have not lost my mom but I don’t think I always appreciate her….thank you for this sad and precious reminder to make every day count.

- Mara

Posted 10/24/08 10:45 PM

I often gripe about my own mom. How she drives me crazy with her advice. How she doesn’t babysit my daughter the “right” way. How we fight about everything. Reading this and thinking about Jennifer is a reminder to gripe a little less and love her a little more. I don’t really think about how lucky I am to have her at all. What a wake up call.

- Jolie

Posted 10/24/08 10:53 PM

I lost my mother at 6 years old. My life has always felt somewhat empty without her. She never saw me graduate, have my first menstral cycle, met my first husband, saw my first child, and many other first things that happen when you grow up. I feel sorry for Jennifer however what i want people to know who’s mom died that reached the age of 21 is be greatful for 21 years of memories. I don’t even know my mothers favorite color, perfume, shoe store, or anything besides me that was her favorite. I will keep me wondering until i die. Even though this is tradgic Jennifer is still very blessed her mom got to see her win an oscar and fullfill her dreams and that is better than seeing her get married any day. Her mom is also blessed to have witnessed her daughters success. The most unfortunate part of this tradgedy is the missing nephew.

- keya o

Posted 10/24/08 11:07 PM

My heart goes out to Jennifer and her family right now. No one can stand in her shoes, because we’re all different. We feel pain differently and we handle situations differently. I don’t know how I would feel if my Mom died, and definitely don’t know if it was a tragic death, how it would affect me. I just hope the pain she feels will be comforted with the love of family and friends surrounding her, and that she’ll hold on to the wonderful memories she’ll carry in her heart of her mother and brother. I know it’s a hard time for her, with questions of why, but I pray she knows Gods because God knows all. My prayers are with her during this tragic time. My famiy loves you Jennifer and are so proud of you.

- Cyndi

Posted 10/24/08 11:08 PM

I did not read the comments before i posted mine so i had to comment a second time. TRUE no matter what age you are it hurts, FALSE reading this would make her kill herself. TRUE we all want helpfull hints to get through the ruff times. FALSE a mother less child will get over it eventulally. TRUE people with mothers still living and active in their life take it for granted. FALSE people with mothers understand how people who lost their moms feel.

- keya o

Posted 10/24/08 11:19 PM

Jennifer, my heart aches for you and your family tonight. My thoughts and prayers are with you. May God keep you and your family today and everyday. I’m praying for you.. Please Lord bring that 7 yr old child home safely, cover and protect him, in Jesus name I pray.

- lisa

Posted 10/24/08 11:20 PM

I had to comment a 3rd time because this is a subject i not only can relate to but feel very simular feelings as others who commented. I want to say to Julie, I feel the same way cheated but let me tell you a interesting story. My mom died on mothers day 1990 I was in kindergarden. I made a flower out of color construction paper with my picture on it to give to my mother for mothers day. She never got it. years later when my daugter was in kindergarden guess what she made me for mothers day? a flower with her picture on it how ironic is that? I have 3 sons after my daughter Twin 3 year olds and a 2 year old. My olderst son the first twin started saying NANA and one day i asked him where and he said right there see and pointed in the opposite direction of me, lately I noticed my 2 year old son says NANA too I asked him where is NANA he said right there and pointed at me. I said no I am mommy. He said and NANA. How ironic is that? It made me believe for the first time in my life her spirit is with me. for a long time i thought that saying was a crock of doo doo. Now that i realized that, i thought about all the times i was in danger and i could have died or been badgly hurt and someway got out of it and I realized she has been with me all along. How ironic is that? TRUE no one can replace your mother. To add to Lisa’s comment AMEN!

- keya o

Posted 10/24/08 11:38 PM

Jennifer, Just know that GOD does not put more on us than he knows that we can bare. Keep your faith in GOD and he will bring you through this tragic incident. My prayers are with you and your family.

- MRS.TEXAS

Posted 10/24/08 11:51 PM

Jennifer, my prayers go out to you. I know losing your mother at this pivotal point in your life is a great loss, however by faith you will get through it. I hope you will exercise your faith at this time and rely on the strength that God gives us each and everyday.

- Cornelia Moore

Posted 10/25/08 12:00 AM

Let’s not loose sight of the fact that Jennifer is suffering a tragic loss. We can not even attempt to measure the amount of pain she is in because we are not walking in her shoes right now. All we can do is ask the LORD to hold Jennifer in his arms and guide her through this nightmare! My heart goes out to Jenifer and her Sister. All any of us can do for her right now is lift her up in prayer and ask GOD to ease our sister’s burden. So lets stop debating and start Praying!!!!!

- LadyLee California

Posted 10/25/08 12:11 AM

God bless you and your family Jennifer. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I pray for protection for the little boy and that they find him very soon. Peace and blessings.

- Cecilia

Posted 10/25/08 12:32 AM

TO THE FAMILY AND FRIENDS OF J-HOOD,MAY GOD CONTINUE TO BLESS AND GUIDE YOU IN THESE SADDEN TIMES. ALSO MAY THIS MAN HAVE A HEART AND RELEASE LITTLE JULIAN BACK TO HIS FAMILY. AND PEACE BE WITH WHOMEVER READ THIS LETTER. I HAVE YET TO LOOSE MY MOTHER; HOWEVER, MY PRAYERS AND BLESSING GO TO ALL THAT HAVE.

- Faysha

Posted 10/25/08 01:01 AM