Moms: It's OK to Relate to Casey Anthony

Moms: It's OK to Relate to Casey Anthony

Friday, November 14, 2008

filed under: family

It's normal to not always be in love with motherhood.

Momlogic's recent post "I Can Relate to Casey Anthony" created an uproar of comments and criticisms. In the post, blogger Frazzled Mom expresses how, at times, she empathizes with accused child killer Casey Anthony.

Although Casey is the poster child of the ultimate bad mother, there are instances, says Frazzled Mom, when she feels motherhood is a burden. She even went as far to say she doubted any mother could be happy being a mother 100% of the time. Many of our readers couldn't disagree more and made their opinions known:

You should have kept your legs closed. How pathetic and selfish.
-- Anonymous

Grow up. Get hospitalized. Give your kids to someone who will love and care for them
-- PARK4

Momlogic spoke with marriage and family therapist Dr. Jane Greer about why readers had such a visceral reaction to the post. First, Dr. Greer says the poster's words must be clarified: "While one would never hurt their child or ever go to the length that Casey did, a mother dealing with the relentless never-ending task of parenting can reach a place of complete emotional physical exhaustion and depletion."

"Casey Anthony," adds Dr. Greer, "lacked sufficient coping skills to deal with being a mother. Most moms, at some time, have an inability to cope. But that's where the similarity ends because Casey is a narcissistic sociopath who by all accounts was a reluctant mother."

The outraged response from some of the readers is understandable, says Dr. Greer. "Many women are going to respond negatively to a post that might bring up their own angry feeling that they are desperately trying to avoid."

So are Frazzled Mom's children in danger? Many of the commenters think so:

I think you are on the sick side and someone should watch you because you sound like you are on the track of being the next Casey Anthony.
-- J

You need to be investigated and closely watched and supervised by the Department of Children and Family Services.
-- Concerned

Someone should call the authorities, show them her post and then take her children from her.
-Peter Ehrlich

"The fact that Frazzled Mom was able to be open and share," says Dr. Greer, "is a far cry from the intention of hurting her children. It's preposterous."

As a therapist Dr. Greer is a proponent of people expressing their feelings. "One of the first fundamental terms of therapy is you can talk about your feelings without acting upon them. Maybe," Dr. Greer hypothesizes, "if Casey Anthony had written down or talked though her feelings, this tragedy might not have occurred."

Negative thoughts are rarely acted upon, says the doctor. "Most people in times of frustration say things they don't mean," explains Dr. Greer. "Many people get angry at their spouse and say 'I wish you were dead.' How many people act on that? Most people can express the anger and hate in the moment but then they get over it -- they are equipped to deal with the intensity of their frustration."

In fact Dr. Greer is concerned about those comments that denied ever feeling conflicted about parenthood:

I am always 100% glad to be a mother. Those who aren't are selfish monsters not loving creatures completely devoted to their children ... it takes an immature person to make a statement like you have ... you're a loser ... nothing more.
-- Anonymous

"People who make no room for their ambivalent or negative feelings," warns Dr. Greer, "all which are a natural and inherent part of parenting, are more vulnerable to being overpowered by those emotions, yelling and perhaps lashing at their children."

Being a good parent is really subjective, says Dr. Greer. "You might think you're the best parent because you're 100% involved in your child's life. But your kid thinks you're overbearing, controlling, and intrusive."

Ultimately, motherhood is a huge sacrifice and some moms do get overwhelmed. Dr. Greer suggests, for example, if you're a mom who's resentful of the lack of freedom that can accompany motherhood, figure out what you are missing from your life and make sure you find ways to incorporate it back into your routine. "Even if it's a small thing like lunch once a month with a girlfriend. While you can't necessarily do everything you did before kids you should still have time to yourself."

32 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

Dr.Greer is a moron! I can say sometimes I am stressed and sometimes it is nice for the grandparents to keep the kids, but I will NEVER say that I wish they’d go away or that I am not 100% happy being a mother.

- Anonymous

Posted 11/14/08 05:40 PM

Dr. Greer is wrong and seems terribly simple-minded here. She doesn’t see the big picture. Casey Anderson’s case has absolutely nothing to do with anything related to nornal parenting. It has everything however to do with sociopathic parenting.

- Peter Ehrlich

Posted 11/14/08 06:08 PM

I have NEVER met a parent who didn’t complain about their kids every now and then. They are still wonderful parents who love their children very much. Everybody needs to vent now and then - even people who are 100% happy. No matter how much you love someone, they can still get on your nerves every now and then. There is a HUGE difference between just venting, and harming someone. Get over yourself Anonymous @ 5:40 pm - you are the type I consider MOST dangerous to others since you probably bottle up your frustrations and pretend everything is “perfect” until you explode in an dangerous rage.

- Anonymous

Posted 11/14/08 06:12 PM

I think the one thing that captured everyone’s attention is that the writer of the original blog said she could relate to Casey Anthony. Perhaps this was very bad wording at best. And the point she was trying to make was lost in her writing. Yes, we all get stressed. Yes, we long for a “Calgon Moment” every now and then, but none of us would ever foolishly write that we relate to Casey Anthony. Had her name not been mentioned or had the article concentrated more on the stresses of parenting not how she could understand the thoughts of that baby killing monster, I assure you that the responses would have been quite different. I am 100% happy to be Mom 100% of the time, but will be the first to admit that it really does get frustrating and I have no guilt in saying that there are days when bedtime is my favorite time of day! Doesn’t that sound much better than saying I wish I could “poof” like magic and make my kids go away?

- twinsx2plus2

Posted 11/14/08 06:29 PM

If I were to use Ms. Greer’s logic - “I can understand why Charles Manson did what he did. Sometimes it’s really hard to look at the lives of the rich and famous while knowing you lost out in life”.

- Peter Ehrlich

Posted 11/14/08 06:32 PM

Anonymous @ 5:40 pm…you are a moron. Not everyone’s situation is the same, not everyone had their child under perfect circumstances and not everyone handles their stresses, whether it be marital, financial or parenting in the same way or with the same frame of mind especially if you are a young mother. If everyone was just like you we would all be Stepford wives.

- Tired of all the "perfect" moms

Posted 11/14/08 06:38 PM

I cannot define a moment where my son has caused me to end my desire for his existence. Maybe it’s because I’m a good mother therefore my son lacks the ability to cause me to feel that way. My comment to Frazzled Mom can be found under the signature, “Mother of EVERY YEAR” Have a great weekend.

- Mother of EVERY YEAR

Posted 11/14/08 06:39 PM

This doctor is way off base, I’m a dad and yes my kid’s do stress my nerve’s at time’s but I could NEVER bring harm to them, I love them

- JohnnyG

Posted 11/14/08 06:57 PM

Let me clarify myself…I am not defending nor am I condemning Casey Anthony. I am commenting solely to all those mother’s who think that they are sooo perfect and turn their holier than thou noses up at people who do not handle the stresses of parenting as they do. I am a single mother of a 9 1/2 year old…I have been raising him on my own since he was 7 months old. I know what it’s like to love your child so much that the mere thought of them being hurt brings a knot in your stomach and tears to your eyes. Yet at the same time all you want and need is a break.

- Tired of all the "perfect" moms

Posted 11/14/08 06:59 PM

to “Tired of all the “perfect” moms.” There are no perfect Mom’s. I think we all know that. Of course we’ve all had time’s we need a break and anyone who will not admit that is simply a liar. Congratulations to you for making the choice to keep your child under difficult circumstances and honest enough to admit that it gets tough at times. It’s tough enough when there are two parents, never mind doing it on your own. I sincerely have the utmost respect for single parents and know how difficult your life must be. My hat’s off to you!

- twinsx2plus2

Posted 11/14/08 07:26 PM

I agree with twinsx2plus2 I agree- no one should ever feel like there kids were gone- I get stressed- tired - wish I had alone time (never get to) but Never would I even - ever ever think of having a life without my kids - never ever ever.. I guess because I love them so much- (this blog was not a good one either- does not justify anything)!

- kris

Posted 11/14/08 07:29 PM

I don’t understand anyone comparing herself, or anyone else, to a sociopathic child-killer by saying, “Oh, I feel that way too sometimes.” Every mother has stressful days, but this comparison is stupid.

- Dee

Posted 11/14/08 07:49 PM

I don’t understand anyone comparing herself, or anyone else, to a sociopathic child-killer by saying, “Oh, I feel that way too sometimes.” Every mother has stressful days, but to make such a comparison is stupid. They are two different situations completely.

- Dee

Posted 11/14/08 07:51 PM

What I think Dr. Greer and this post are missing, is that we mom’s who were offended, are mainly taking offense at the title of I CAN RELATE TO Casey Anthony. In everyday language, saying that you can “relate to” someone, means that you are having a sympathetic reaction or relationship to the person. If I say, I can relate to being overworked like you, it means I am showing sympathy for you, and that I have experiences that are like yours. With the title of the original blog being “I can relate to Casey Anthony”, right away, this sends mom-alarm bells up and down my spine. If a person truly feels that they can relate to the thought of wishing their child away, looking up chloroform recipes (which is a whole lot different than contemplating giving a child Benadryl before going on a plane ride), looking up death penalty information, looking up missing child information websites, and so forth, then what do you expect— for us all to jump in and say that WE can relate. We can NOT relate, and that is why it was so heavily commented upon, and we don’t need Dr. Greer to analyze it and break it down for us. If the blogger wanted a sympathetic response, then she should have chosen a DIFFERENT TITLE and a DIFFERENT ANGLE to her story.

- mary

Posted 11/14/08 07:52 PM

What’s normal is relating to feeling overwhelmed by children. We all can relate to that. What’s NOT normal is saying you relate to CASEY because she mostly killed her own child. There is NOTHING normal in that and anyone who feels that’s normal should probably seek help.

- karen

Posted 11/14/08 08:24 PM

Amen Karen! You hit the nail on the head. Your simple statement says it all.

- twinsx2plus2

Posted 11/14/08 09:40 PM

If you read the original blog carefully you will see some very telling words…like dream….it is not the “dream ” of any normal mother to want her carefree days back. Also, Greer suggests if Casey had vented this would not have happened…wrong! And you went to school to be a therapist?? She WANTED what happened to happen, deal with it! She’s nuts, as is the blogger…

- Anonymous

Posted 11/14/08 10:43 PM

ummm, hello Miss therapist, and all defenders of the blog. Look at the words the blogger chose to use, not the ones YOU want. The blogger states that it was her “dream” to have her carefree days back! Normal moms don’t dream of this..they dream of a happy healthy future for their kids. She also asks if moms are HAPPY BEING moms all the time…yes we are happy to BE moms all the time….nowhere is she saying she just needs a bit of free time. Read the words people.

- Anonymous

Posted 11/14/08 10:47 PM

I’m upset that people will not shy away from insulting a trained professional like Dr.Jane Greer. Therapists have to study for a long time to become certified, and this one has at least a PhD. if not an MD degree. That’s seven years of University and then some. You can bet she knows what she is talking about. I agree with everything Dr.Greer has to say. The folks who never have a negative feeling or a negative thought about their kids might be doing a way worse job of raising them than they are aware of, as they are out of touch with reality as it pertains to every human being. I hope they get their “aha” moment soon and seek out a trained therapist.

- Svr

Posted 11/14/08 11:02 PM

I have been a mother for going on 29 years and I have never regreted it. Have I been frazzled at times? Too many to count. But like one other person says “that is what grandparents, aunts, uncles, extended friends are for. To give us a break every once in a while. Even today, I keep my grandkids for my daughter on Friday night, because I remember what it was like not being able to count on my mom and dad. Not because they would not do it, but because they didn’t live near by. And I might add, a mother’s job is never over, even though she no longer has children. My three children 28, 24 and 23 are still my children and they always will be. But Casey, my dear friends is not even in my league. Her mother wanted to adopt little Caylee and she would not let her. She didn’t want to be a mother, but she didn’t want her mother to have her either. PATHETIC….

- Barbara

Posted 11/14/08 11:43 PM