Guest blogger Paul Starke: We went to our first "kids" birthday party last week. I was dreading it -- the screaming kids, the awkward small talk with grown ups, the germs... and boy, was I WRONG. This party was freakin' AWESOME, especially when compared to the horrible "grown up" party we attended a few nights later. So for all you dads out there who are dragging themselves to the next kids birthday party -- don't despair. Here are "12 Reasons Why Kids' Parties are Better than Adult Parties."
1.They're in the middle of the day - The thought of going to someone's house for a dinner party STARTING at 9 PM is about as appealing as watching my parents make out. But a party starting at 1 PM? I'm so there.
2. They're 90 minutes long, tops - Since I have the attention span of a nine-month-old, the finite lengths of these parties is especially attractive.
3. Gift bags! - I left the last party with a bag full of candy, a stuffed animal, and a tambourine with my son's name on it! This is like a bag of Oscar swag!
4. Delicious cake - which my son is too young to eat. Was it gauche to ask for fourths?
5. Kids' parties have cool themes - Why can't our grown-up friends decorate their house in a "Bob the Builder" motif?
6. Magicians - Seeing a grown man pull colored paper out of his mouth is endlessly entertaining.
7. No loud music - Sure, there's dozens of screaming kids, but that sounds like a sweet symphony compared to the Pussycat Dolls.
8. I don't have to do anything - I don't have to set or clear the table, uncork a bottle of wine ... I just get to sit on my ass and do nothing. Just like at home!
9. It gives me an excuse to go to the toy store - I'm always up for picking out a toy ... this was much creepier when I was single and childless.
10. I get to compare my wife's hot post-pregnancy body to other moms - There's nothing my wife likes to hear more than "you had the best butt of any Mom at the party". And I can usually coast off a compliment like that for weeks.
11. We don't have to pay for a sitter - In this economy, I don't want to spend $60 to hang out with a bunch of pompous jackasses talking about hedge funds.
12. I get to spend extra time with my family - And that really is the greatest gift of all. Except for a bag full of candy, stuffed animals, and tambourines.