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Kids' Parties Are Better Than Adult Parties!

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Guest blogger Paul Starke: We went to our first "kids" birthday party last week. I was dreading it -- the screaming kids, the awkward small talk with grown ups, the germs... and boy, was I WRONG. This party was freakin' AWESOME, especially when compared to the horrible "grown up" party we attended a few nights later. So for all you dads out there who are dragging themselves to the next kids birthday party -- don't despair. Here are "12 Reasons Why Kids' Parties are Better than Adult Parties."

dad excited at kids birthday

1.They're in the middle of the day - The thought of going to someone's house for a dinner party STARTING at 9 PM is about as appealing as watching my parents make out. But a party starting at 1 PM? I'm so there.

2. They're 90 minutes long, tops - Since I have the attention span of a nine-month-old, the finite lengths of these parties is especially attractive.

3. Gift bags! - I left the last party with a bag full of candy, a stuffed animal, and a tambourine with my son's name on it! This is like a bag of Oscar swag!

4. Delicious cake - which my son is too young to eat. Was it gauche to ask for fourths?

5. Kids' parties have cool themes - Why can't our grown-up friends decorate their house in a "Bob the Builder" motif?

6. Magicians - Seeing a grown man pull colored paper out of his mouth is endlessly entertaining.

7. No loud music - Sure, there's dozens of screaming kids, but that sounds like a sweet symphony compared to the Pussycat Dolls.

8. I don't have to do anything - I don't have to set or clear the table, uncork a bottle of wine ... I just get to sit on my ass and do nothing. Just like at home!

9. It gives me an excuse to go to the toy store - I'm always up for picking out a toy ... this was much creepier when I was single and childless.

10. I get to compare my wife's hot post-pregnancy body to other moms - There's nothing my wife likes to hear more than "you had the best butt of any Mom at the party". And I can usually coast off a compliment like that for weeks.

11. We don't have to pay for a sitter - In this economy, I don't want to spend $60 to hang out with a bunch of pompous jackasses talking about hedge funds.

12. I get to spend extra time with my family - And that really is the greatest gift of all. Except for a bag full of candy, stuffed animals, and tambourines.

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4 comments so far | Post a comment now
busy November 14, 2008, 12:21 PM

I know! Why can’t adult parties be cool? I always end up being the hottest 1 there anyway, talk about an ego booster!

driver19 October 22, 2009, 10:50 AM

All the while, they make the rich white men that own them richer by the day. ,

Davian May 21, 2011, 1:50 AM

You have shed a ray of sunsnihe into the forum. Thanks!

Karsen May 22, 2011, 8:58 AM

HHIS I shuold have thought of that!

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