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I Can Relate to Casey Anthony

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Guest Blogger Frazzled Mama: Sometimes I think accused mom Casey Anthony and I have something in common.

casey-anthony-crying.jpg

I'll let you in on a secret: When I see those pictures of Casey Anthony out partying the days after her child had gone missing, I empathize with her. That look on her face is that of a woman who -- in a fit of desperation -- may have chosen to sedate her own child for a couple hours of freedom. And then something went terribly wrong.

As a mom trying to balance work, family and sanity, there are times when I want nothing more than to go back to my free and single days with no responsibly to anyone but myself. I truly know how she feels. But unlike what Casey may have done, I would never harm my child to make that dream come true.  I love my daughter more than I ever thought possible. But if any of us were to be honest with ourselves, can any mother say they are 100% happy being a mother 100% of the time?

There are days when we moms, especially those with young children, are so worn out, so tired, so frustrated that we wish our kids would just go away. That we could just snap our fingers and Poof! they'd disappear. Usually, for the most part, these feelings pass and we're yanked back into reality by a toddler hug or a smile or just a deep breath -- suddenly everything is worthwhile. Sadly, women like Casey Anthony don't snap back and they do the unthinkable. I know for myself there are times--rarely--when I think if I had it to do all over again maybe having children wasn't the best choice for me.

Of course we're never supposed to even admit anything like that. Mothers are supposed to be selfless creatures living only for their children. Sacrificing everything for family. With that lofty expectation of motherhood, no wonder mothers are prone to depression, self-doubt, huge amounts of crushing guilt and despite it all there are of course moments of incredible joy.

Are you ALWAYS glad to be a mother?


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344 comments so far | Post a comment now
Maria@ WAHM blog November 11, 2008, 11:09 AM

Honestly, I think this is in poor taste. Perhaps you meant to write a provocative post just to stir up some controversy and encourage comments. But whatever your intent, I don’t think that a mother comparing herself to a possible murderer is beneficial to anyone.

As for me, while I sometimes need a break and loved my mini-vacation to CA last month, I am always happy to be a mother. I have three under five home all day—not always easy, but there’s so much joy. I hope I’m not alone.

ida November 11, 2008, 11:19 AM

I’m actually glad that you came out and said this. I’m a WAHM with 2 young children, and sometimes there are days when I’m so tired and worn out that I wish for those carefree days again. You made an important distinction that, while most of us mothers may have these feelings, we would never act on them. I think it’s normal for mothers to wish for freedom or just some down time. It doesn’t mean we love our children any less. It means that we have our vulnerabilities and that we should be more aware of them, so that we don’t make horrnedous decisions like Casey did.

TJ November 11, 2008, 11:21 AM

Wow. What a post. I’m really disappointed.

By your post do you mean, “I understand wanting to have private time so much that I would pre-mediate having an uncommon chemical on hand so I could use it at will to sedate my child”?

I think it is a human characteristic to want some moments of “me” time. As a parent, I realize increasingly (and with no small amount of amusement) that those “me” moments come when running errands (for the family), a break between conference calls (at work), folding laundry after the kids are asleep (for the family), and in the restroom (a biological imperative!). Basically, there are no truly “me” moments.

But even at my most stressed times when I’ve wished frantically for peace, quiet, more time, a quiet room with aromatherapy, a bunch of good books, a massage, and Ewan MacGregor sitting next to me, never have I been tempted to hit, punish, lock in a room, or, for God’s sake, chloroform one of my children!

I would agree with the poster — I am guessing that your post is either a misguided effort to illicit sympathy and encourage empathy — or an even more misguided effort to encourage violent posting and a ton of hits.

I guess if it’s the latter, I ask you — what would your reaction be if on some site ostensibly for dads, there were an article a few years ago written on behalf of Scott Peterson that said, “I can completely understand where Scott is coming from. Sometimes I’ve felt so trapped by having a wife and soon a child that I’ve wanted to do nothing more than indulge in those fantasies with another woman and put the whole family thing far, far behind me.”?

While at a certain (hopefully very repressed) level some people MAY feel this way, speaking out about it only allows others to think that these actions and sentiments are acceptable…and they’re not.

Please consider removing this post. It’s horrible.

Working, single mom November 11, 2008, 11:34 AM

Dear “first person,”

You need help. Or at the very least, to grow up. Please remove your post.

Bab November 11, 2008, 11:38 AM

you can relate???? i can’t even begin to relate! i don’t even know where to start with this blog!!!! i guess i’m lucky to where i can’t relate with it.

kristie November 11, 2008, 11:42 AM

My daughter has Cancer- I NEVER take even ONE moment with her for granted- she is healthy and I think she will make it- God gave the children I have to me- I do not think any sane person can symposize with Casey- that would be sick. I see other people in WAY worse situations than myself and I cannot imagine going through worse.
Casey was selfish- sick- evil and obviously had TERRIBLE PARENTS
I AGREE WITH TG- PLEASE REMOVE THIS

HRF November 11, 2008, 11:43 AM

I agree with the comment that this post is in
exceptionally poor taste. To compare the natural
ambivalence mothers sometimes experience with the sociopathic behavior of Casey Anthony is…not sure what words to choose, but suffice it to say, it contributes nothing positive whatsoever to the conversation.

Anonymous November 11, 2008, 11:44 AM

YES, no matter how tired,frustrated or frazzled I am, I am ALWAYS happy and proud that I am a mother. I never wish for carefree days, as that would mean my children are gone. Would I like some more free time, yes, but so do we all. I do not empathize with the accused because, she is not tired (she didn’t even work)…she is just selfish. Also, no one expects you to be selfless, and all sacrificing, that is just you being you, and looking for an excuse. Just be a decent loving mother who would never put your child in harm…just love them..is that too much to ask…it was for Casey…are you sure you empathize with her?? If so, we will see you soon in jail, get help now.

CAYLEE~ANGEL November 11, 2008, 11:45 AM

Maybe you should of kept it your own little secret. Sounds like your being supportive of a mother who never deserved to be one. She needs to rot like a maggot in jail forever, she had an out, alot of mothers of all ages like myself ~ not just young ones, have nobody to help out. I have my husband but that’s not enough as far as support goes with 5 kids.

Maggott lived at home and had only one child. Her mother was threatening to take custody and took care of caylee most of the time and out of spite and hatred for her own mother and jelousy of caylee, decided to take caylee away forever intstead of doing the right thing that was at her disposal. Casey had no stress, she created it! But she also created caylee but never deserved her or took resposibility for her. Caylee didn’t deserve what happened to her at the hands of her mother. She is a sociopath self centered murder and liar and thief.
So how do you relate to that!


Mom of one amazing boy! November 11, 2008, 11:46 AM

Well, I can tell you that I seriously doubt Casey Anthony could have felt overwhelmed enough to do something such as this, b/c it appears her MOTHER did the parenting, so I do NOT have sympathy or understanding for Casey Anthony! She is a very selfish, horrible person, and needs to be locked away in a small box someplace, left to replay what she did, over and over again in her head!

jenniferjo November 11, 2008, 11:50 AM

What the heck? No, I don’t think most of us mothers would snap our fingers to make our children disappear. To most of us mothers, that is what we would call a nightmare. Sometimes the noise gets to me and I wish they were doing something more quietly, buy GONE? NO! Maybe you should seek counseling and let them read your blog. I don’t think those thoughts are shared by many moms. I have three children at home and I am always glad to be a mom.

Candice November 11, 2008, 11:51 AM

What?? What kind of post is this? I cannot believe that I honestly read this whole entire thing, but I just had to. This is so sad to me. It seems as if you just related to a psychopathic murderer. I have an almost 3 year old little girl and this story has hit close to home for me. The day that I found out I was pregnant I said well the party days are over. And they are… and hmmm lets see would I rather go out and party and be by myself again or never party again and take care of my baby and make her my 100%% responsibility… I choose #2! Never Never Never in a million years would I just wish that my daughter would poof and be gone when I am having a rough day. Never. AM I ALWAYS GLAD TO BE A MOTHER? She is what I LIVE for. She is my breath, my strength, my everything in this whole world. I am always glad to be her mother. To even ask the question IMPO is just ludacris.

As far as Working, single mom… I too am a working, single mom, and the only ones who need help are the ones who would dare say that sometimes they wish they could snap their fingers and poof them gone are the ones that need help. I’m sorry, not to bash this post but this saddens me.

Sharon November 11, 2008, 11:54 AM

The problem with this original post is that Casey HAD time for her freedom..meaning…she had TWO parents who loved that child and would have babysat anytime, day or night. Many Moms do not have that luxury, like myself, who is home 24/7 with two kids and a hubby in Iraq. I have no family, and no friends to help give ME a break, and yet somehow I go through each day without sedating or harming my kids. Casey had many ‘ways out’…she simply choose not to take them, and killed her daughter instead.

Candice November 11, 2008, 11:57 AM

Working, single mom… I am sorry… I got confused in reading your post about the “first person” needing help. I thought you were talking about the first person that responded to it. I didn’t know that the person who posted the blog to begin with was “first person” Sorry about that! :) This whole blog thing just really pisses me off!!
- Candice

JoAnn November 11, 2008, 12:02 PM

I have serious doubts about the people that edit this blog. What a waste of time! Get another staff! And Frazzled Momma, grow up! I have raised 3 children by myself, you are not the only person who has responsibilities, wah, wah, wah.

Sam November 11, 2008, 12:04 PM

I think what the poster was trying to say… is that although No Normal Mom would harm their child, there are times as mom’s when we could use a moment to breathe. Last year, in school, another mom wrote a paper very much like this one. My first reaction was to think ‘what the heck, I’m a mother first! Never not proud, I can take anything, will move anything for my children to be happy.’ but when I stopped thinking of my own need to be super mom I finally got what she was trying to say.

Sometimes, even for the slightest moment, moms need a chance to stop and breathe. I take my moments in the bathtub, with a good book, a cup of tea, and a sinful snack. Where you get a chance to breathe is up to you.

No matter what you may think, even supermom’s need a chance to take a rest.

As for comparing this to Anthony, well I think that no normal person would go this far, perhaps the child dying was an accident. This will become an important factor in the sentencing of the mother on the other hand I can give this woman no sympathy.

Anonymous November 11, 2008, 12:06 PM

It might be slightly taboo to say out loud but of course we all feel overwhelmed at times. I think more women should have the courage to speak about these things — if they did then perhaps atrocities such as this might not occur.

Joey November 11, 2008, 12:06 PM

Are you kidding me, what stress she did’nt even have a job.

Tina November 11, 2008, 12:09 PM

I think your intentions in writing this post have gone horribly awry.
Yes, we all need a break sometimes. But no, I never ever wish “That we could just snap our fingers and Poof! they’d disappear.”
Please do better.

Sharon November 11, 2008, 12:09 PM

[quote] I truly know how she feels. But unlike what Casey may have done, I would never harm my child to make that dream come true. I love my daughter more than I ever thought possible. But if any of us were to be honest with ourselves, can any mother say they are 100% happy being a mother 100% of the time? [quote]

Did everybody miss this part of the post? Read it again. Every mother DOES need a little time by herself once in awhile..



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