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Mom Lukewarm on the Word "Hot"

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Guest blogger Homeschooling Mom, says: Teaching my son to respect girls would be easier if the girls had any for themselves.


My 13-year-old son has barely glanced at girls. Yet, while we were driving the other day he said, "Everybody thinks Wendy is hot." "Hot," from my son's mouth sounded quite rude to me. I had never really thought about it until he uttered it, calling a girl "hot" is reducing her to a primarily sexual being. I didn't want my son to view girls as mere play things, here to ogle and make lascivious comments about.

So, I told him. I went into a long mom lecture. "It is one thing to admire beauty and be attracted to a girl, but show them respect. Would you want someone discussing your little sisters like that when they are older? How about saying something like that about me, your own mom? All females are daughters or sisters or mothers..." And my lecture went on.

He took it to heart because he is an earnest young man and said he would do his best to treat women as people of equal worth and respect as men. I dropped him off at swim team feeling like I had done something good for society and my son, and went about my business until it was time to pick him up.

When he got back into the car he preceded to tell me how the older girls in the lane next to him were asking if any of the boys had made out with a girl before. They also wanted to know which girls the boys thought were hot.

AHHHHHH! So much for upholding standards to protect the dignity of women -- it appears a lot of young women don't have any anyway.

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18 comments so far | Post a comment now
Kate November 19, 2008, 12:44 PM

Yeah, I agree. It’s really sad that our highly sexualized society has removed the decency and innocence from our children way too early. Here is the part that I don’t understand, though: people want to teach sexual education at a younger and younger age. They want to legalize gay marriage. They want to do all of these things that bring sex into the forefront of our minds, but they also want to preserve the innocence of their children. Hmm… maybe if we keep sex in the private bedroom our kids will learn to respect their bodies and those of the opposite sex at little more. Call me crazy, but isn’t it logical that if they aren’t exposed to sex, they won’t talk about it? I guess we as parents can certainly play a role in this. Even though some people don’t hold themselves to a high standard doesn’t mean that we or our children don’t need to be held to a high standard. I’m certainly glad that my parents raised me in such a way, and I plan to do the same thing with my children.

homeschooling mom  November 19, 2008, 1:10 PM

I am a homeschooling mom of girls and boys who couldn’t agree more! Two years ago my 14 year old daughter came home upset because the girls in her class (small school only 12 in the grade) were making fun of her because she is not allowed to go to parties or drink alchohol. Our Christian faith does not approve of these things anyway. But that wasn’t all, then the prank phone calls started from both boys and girls! I couldn’t believe that kids could use their home phone and make such comments with pearents home…but most of the time pearents weren’t home, or their son or daughter used their own personal cell phone.(This is a whole issue in itself) I did call a couple of the pearents back, out of the five or six, one did something!! The others came back with comments like “boys will be boys”, or “girls can be mean”…I don’t care; wrong is wrong! Or there was the question raised about what my daughter might have said to them to get their defenses up. I know what she said, she told them is was degrading to themselves and she was worth more than that. But who’s child isn’t?? Then after several weeks of this my daughter did the unthinkable, she told one of the girls harrassing her that she was glad her dad was dead and not around to see what a fool she was being. My daughter got suspended for three days over this. My husband and I decided enough was enough. We started homeschooling our children from then on. Guess what happened, a rumor started around the school about my daughter being pregnant and that was why she had to leave school!! We gave that rumor what it was worth which was nothing, and things seem to have calmed cown. It seems like as pearents if you want your children to grow up respecting themselves and others, public school is not the place, and that is very sad. If homeschooling becomes outlawed, you had better bet things had better straighten up, or else what this mom plans to do is ride the schoolboard about enforcing respect and decency like you wouldn’t believe. My 18 year old son has started dating a girl who was raised to be a young lady, and she is so sweet, and so NICE, she is every mother’s dream of a future wife for their son. But he has dated girls who didn’t have that kind of respect for themselves, and this is something totally new for him. There are feelings of love and respect that he says he didn’t know before and it is so great. This is the kind of children I think the mom who wrote this article is talking about and she is soooo right!! We need to raise our kids to be decent men and women someday NOT chippies like the movies and television depict. But it does take a lot of saying “No you can’t” and “that is not the way to act!”, but it can be done IF the pearents CARE enough, and are WILLING to be strong examples!When I read this article, I didn’t just see girls acting like sleezy whatevers, I also saw pearents who failed in getting the message of how women and men should act and behave in public and society in general. It is becoming an epidemic, and those pearentl who really care don’t want our children and young adults exposed unnecessarily.

Kate November 19, 2008, 2:21 PM

homeschooling mom - I totally feel for you. That would be a really tough situation to be in, and I hope to never find myself in the same situation. Keep in mind, though, that Jesus promised that Christians (myself included) would be persecuted. You have to stand up for what you believe no matter what other people say. No one ever said that it would be easy. Your daughter needs to learn that the world is full of people like those in your small town. She can’t always escape them. I was teased and made fun of too for being a virgin and being a Christian. The truth is that people feel threatened by good people who choose to live their lives cleanly. So they attack. The best way to respond is to not be self-righteous or to seal yourself off from them. (I’m not saying that you did any of this. I’m not judging you here.) The best way to respond is to be confident in who you are and what you believe. People will respond to that much more positively. Trust me, I’ve lived it. When you show respect and love to other people, most likely they will not respond with hate. And isn’t that what God called us to do anyway? To love one another?

DStoney November 19, 2008, 2:35 PM

Did you happen to ask your son what he meant by hot or what hot means to him? Back in the day we had similiar words. Fox, bad, tough, hunk, dreamy, bodaciaous, babe and the list goes on and on, and they work for both sexes. Please don’t tell me that any of you never used a word or phrase like that. Your son is just using the current slang. I agree that he should respect women, but hot is just another word for attractive. If he used attractive would you have been upset? Be thankful that he wants to share with you, before you give him the once for.

Momof3 November 19, 2008, 5:18 PM

I couldn’t agree with all of you more!! I will raise my sons to respect women and my daughter to respect herself, if it takes my last dying breath. My daughter comes home telling me all of the things that the girls in 6th grade are doing and I am appalled!! I just keep telling her to do what she knows is right, regardless of what other kids are doing. Besides, she knows if I find out that she is doing anything improper, that’ll be the end of her life as she knows it.

Jo. November 20, 2008, 8:11 AM

LOL. how true.

J December 7, 2008, 12:24 AM

You think the word “hot” is offensive?? LOL. I’d love to see your reaction to the stuff your kids are saying when you aren’t there.

Grow up.

ken December 31, 2009, 4:37 AM

“It is one thing to admire beauty and be attracted to a girl, but show them respect.

thast the exact same thing just phrased in a more midddleclass 40’s white way… I hope you do release that, when a man calls a women beutiful it means he wants to have sex with her?….

That’s not disgusting, or offensive thats human biology/genitics

noneofurbizniss January 5, 2010, 4:41 PM

hola. i am one of those girls your son and his friends might be talking about or at least the kind of girl. i get a gaziillion billion boys young and old telling me im hot. i do have dignity. its just a compliment, like saying shes pretty. and to tell you the truth i think its more demeaning to the boys than the girls. its like a girl whos hot basically saying “well im hot any guy will fall for me” and its kinda the case. the boys will do pretty much anything for the hot girl.
besides, its just a word.
being hot is a good thing. it means most people want you in their life.
so go ahead and pull that stick out of ur butt cuz just because a girl is called hot does not mean she has no dignity.

bob June 14, 2010, 8:07 AM

I find your comments sexist.

bryce holt July 11, 2010, 9:27 PM

so he called a girl hot, boys will be boys. he didnt deserve your lecture and as long as he treats girls respectfully there is no problem. if you keep lecturing him on such petty matters maybe he will not tell you about something that is and actual issue.

Anonymous August 18, 2010, 9:48 AM

For one i think home schooling is dumb you should let your kid expeirance the goods and bads of regular school. With homeschooling there not learning good social skills and when they get older it will show. Second thing a boy calling a girl “hot” doesn’t mean anything. He just thinks she is attractive i think you need to lighten up a bit, and probaly just mad no one calls you hot anymore.

beau August 26, 2010, 2:36 AM

he’s a teenage boy! what do u expect??? im a 16 year old girl and i aint offended when people call me hot. I mean it simt like us teenage girs don’t csll boys hot!

Nicole September 16, 2010, 5:54 PM

Hmm .. He Said His FRIEND Said The Girl Was Hot, He Didnt Say It. You Should Be Happy That Your Son Even Tells You This Kind Of Stuff , I Stoped Telling my mom stuff when i was 11.

Jaden February 23, 2011, 3:34 PM

Umm hot is really not sexual! I love being called hot! It makes me feel happy and proud of who I am. He’s 13 woman! He should be able to call girls hot! I mean my brother calls girls sexy and hes only 9. My mom just laughs. You should of said, “Wow. She must be pretty!” Instead of lecturing him. He was probably so shocked. Learn!!!!

I Object April 23, 2011, 2:35 PM

please grow up today is a new age okay and the word hot is used by girls as well the only reason you are all in uproar is because in this modern age you all feel uncomfortable okay this is a clear example of strict conservative parenting and it’s all because you are in a new time you all feel the world is now unsafe did you know crime rates are the lowest they’ve been since the 1920s so you’re all entitled to your opinion but don’t let that make your children not have social lives because teens will always be like this and you’re all being hypocrites by bullsh*ting us all can you seriously tell anyone looking into their eyes that you were all perfect and never did anything that your “god” didn’t approve of because unless you are jesus f*cking christ you have done something “sinful” in your life

BOB May 20, 2011, 4:38 PM

When I saw home school in the title, I knew it would be a right wing out of touch person writing the article. It is sad really. Good luck with college! I hope he doesn’t want to do anything in math or science. Hot = Pretty. Not some weird sexual context that your warped mind created. Let the boy be 13, and stop over-analyzing everything. He probably sees too much of you—since you took him out of any structured school setting. I feel sorry for him.

Taly May 31, 2011, 10:38 PM

“Hot” just comes off as more of a shallow remark compared to saying someone is beautiful. Though, they both can be used ‘wrong’ depending on the intention of person that uses it. I always thought “beautiful” was more polite, and preferred to hear that. “Hot” just makes the person saying it seem more like a caveman, even if they meant for it to be a harmless compliment and I know there’s some nice guys and girls out there that do use it harmlessly.

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