Guest blogger Karyn Bryant: That's what I want to yell every Thanksgiving when well-meaning family members and friends stand around and ask if they can help get the meal together. Instead, I say something polite and thank them for offering. But really, I want to bark the command like a drill sergeant and send them marching away, quick, fast and in a hurry.
My kitchen is not big, so to have extra bodies in there as I'm working on my annual throw-down is a major cramp. Yet every half-hour or so, someone comes sniffing around to see what they can do. Guess what? Unless you are bringing me another bottle of wine (because really, what's cooking without drinking? Not as much fun if you ask me!) or, you're updating me on the football game (no room for a TV in that little space) you have no business in my office.
OK. To be honest, another part of the reason I kick everyone out is because I do love the accolades that come when satiety is reached and the belts get loosened. Remember: I'm a performer. Winning over a crowd is a big high for me. I'll even practice my Emmy speech in my head as I thank everyone and say, "aw shucks."
There are, however, a few things you can do to help on Thanksgiving:
1. You may wash every plate, utensil and cooking vessel. I don't care what Barney says. Clean up is not fun. Ever.
2. You can keep the toddler busy. Because even though mama's home, mama's WORKING, baby!
3. You can bring me more wine.
4. You can refrain from arguing, bickering and/or simmering with unresolved issues until after dessert. I'll be passed out by then and won't hear your nonsense.
5. If you can't handle #4, you MUST bring me more wine.
6. You cannot count a single carb or calorie. Just think of Friday as thigh-day and work 'em out extra hard. Or don't. I won't tell.
So there it is, my Thanksgiving code. I do love this holiday, and even though I may sound a bit bossy, I enjoy every minute of the mayhem it inevitably involves. I hope you do too.