Please Don't Hurt My Family

 

Juanita, you boil this down to a piece of paper saying you’re married. You’re right. The difference between a piece of paper saying you’re married vs. one saying you’re civilly united may not be the biggest deal in the world. However, neither is the difference between the front of the bus and the back of the bus. Or the difference between the “white” water fountain and the “colored” water fountain. Civil Unions are the back of the bus or the “colored” water fountain for gay people! Is the issue as important as something like the right to vote or hold a job or to be protected from violence? No. Certainly not. However, if you think it’s okay to restrict gay people to civil unions, I can’t imagine why you would think it’s NOT okay to put black people in the back of the bus or to make them drink from a separate fountain. I maintain that equality needs to be our goal. We need to fight for equality on the small things as well as on the big ones. As long as we’re unequal on ANY level, we are unequal…

- Andrew

Posted 11/19/08 10:10 PM

 

 

You go, Juanita! Finally someone who is on my side. As long as there are parents, like us, out there teaching our children that people who don’t live the way we do is wrong, we can CERTAINLY guarantee that the unfortunate children of “those people” living the “unnatural life” in future generations will get the ridicule that they obviously deserve. All of this talk about teaching kids to love and respect everyone equally is horse-hockey…it’s our way or no highway to Heaven! Plus, “those people” don’t suffer any type of discrimination or fear in this world. As long as they don’t act gay or tell anyone that they’re gay or try to live like the rest of us…they should be just fine. Gay-bashing and hate crimes are just propoganda put out there by the media to make us feel bad for enforcing, in whatever way we feel necessary, our way of life. People who don’t get that…they deserve to suffer, right? It makes sense to me and Juanita…why not the rest of you?

- Judgementa Crossworthy

Posted 11/19/08 10:38 PM

 

 

After reading the posts of this article I am proud that I decided to allow it to be posted…I AM ONE OF ABBY’S MOM’S…I CARRIED HER, GAVE BIRTH TO HER AND HAVE RAISED HER FOR THE PAST FOUR YEARS!!!. I must say I find it sad that there are still people in this world that are ignorant…yes ignorant! Abby and her brother have two moms that have been together for 15 years…much longer than over 60% of heterosexual Americans that CHOOSE to get married and CHOOSE to get divorced. My partner and I both come from families where our parents are still married and there hasn’t been a divorce even in our extended families. However, the fact that our commitment is being judge by YOUR GOD…YES YOUR GOD and YOUR BELIEFS…YES YOUR BELIEFS…not mine is amusing. I don’t tell you what to do in your life, in your home, in your bedroom…why should you tell me? Research has been done that finds children raised by gay and lesbian parents are just as emotionally and mentally stable than children raised by heterosexual couples (http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/07161/793042-51.stm) of whom may I remind you that over 60% of you get divorced. I also find it comical that the issue of my children being made fun of in school was brought up. How about all the other things kids make fun of…I was 5’7” in fifth grade and was called the Jolly Green Giant or Giraffe…how is that any different? It’s not…all it did was make me stronger as an adult. It taught me to teach my children that making fun of anyone regardless of their stature, their hair color, their height, their freckles on their face and many other things is not nice and they all are equally hurtful. I also find it interesting that a comparison of Blacks and Gays has been brought up. This is not about who suffers more, it is about human rights…i.e. Matthew Shepard…a gay man lured to a field and then beaten to death just because something within him makes him attracted to a man, not a woman. Now tell me how the straight boys who beat an innocent man then tied him up like a scarecrow to a fence to die should have more rights than me? Good friends of ours adopted a little girl from another country. They have biological children and decided that adopting was the

- Abby's Mom

Posted 11/19/08 10:54 PM

 

 

I was speaking of the two mommies issue as it pertains to a child in the situation mentioned in the post and it was not intended to reach into other situations. And I am not a horrible human being just because I believe differently. I am tired of being called ignorant and horrible for feeling as strongly about my beliefs as others do about theirs. It’s funny how people who scream tolerance can’t accept the fact that not everyone believes the same. Apparently there are a lot of “ignorant” people because they are standing up and making their voices heard and exercising their rights. If you want everyone to agree with you then you need to find a private forum to discuss controversial topics. If you put it out in the open then you should be prepared to deal with opposition. And I don’t care if it comes from the point of view of a child or an adult, it won’t change my opinion and I’m sure I won’t change yours.

- Renee

Posted 11/19/08 11:20 PM

 

 

Renee - If you are truly tired of being called “horrible” then stop doing horrible things… like voting peoples liberties away. You are entitled to your opinions. You are not entitled to turn your opinions into laws that repress others. I don’t care what the “law” says. Wrong is wrong… and I’m not talking about what “god” says is wrong. I’m talking about what is just plain, common sense, wrong. One day in the distant future, I hope you can see what I mean… the way we can see now that it was wrong to vote that inter-racial couples couldn’t marry. That was only 30 years ago. Now, no one would ever vote for that law. In 30 years, you might think the same of prop 8.

- Anonymous

Posted 11/19/08 11:36 PM

 

 

JUANITA: How can we compare this to a civil rights issue? We’re not comparing this to a civil rights issue, it IS a civil rights issue. If you are being treated unfairly because of your race, your gender, your sexual orientation, or for ANY reason, um, it’s WRONG. You said something about kids being ridiculed “for the life style their gay parents want to live.” Being gay is not a “want” or a choice, any more than being straight is a choice - I’m assuming YOU are straight. Do you recall the day you CHOSE to be straight? Just woke up one morning, “You know, I COULD be gay, but why suffer all the b.s. that comes with THAT? No, I therefore CHOOSE to be straight.” A person doesn’t choose to be gay any more than they choose their shoe size, their height or the color of their skin. What a gay person CAN choose is to live their life honestly, openly… or lie about who they are. As for kids being made fun of in school, get real, nearly EVERY kid’s made fun of in school for SOMETHING, including kids with straight parents. Should a single mom NOT send her child to school for fear of their being mocked for not having a dad at home? Are you aware that yours is the very same argument people made with regard to children of interracial marriages, saying the children would suffer ridicule? That was a rather weak argument, don’t you think? I also have to mention your use of the phrase “life style.” What is this mysterious “life style?” We raise our kids, we send them to school, we work, we pay taxes, mow the lawn, enjoy our family time, go to ball games… wow, scary, huh? So unlike the straight folks’ families! My spouse and I are raising our son to be the best person he can be, to be proud of who he is, to treat others as he’d like to be treated and to know how very loved he is by his two moms - and that LOVE is what makes a family. Not the gender or orientation of the parents. Oh and a final FYI: an entire generation of children has already been raised by gay parents, and there have been studies done that indicate the ONLY difference between kids raised by straight parents and kids

- cindy

Posted 11/20/08 12:10 AM

 

 

raised by gay parents was that the kids raised by gay parents are more tolerant and understanding of peoples’ differences. Imagine THAT.

- cindy

Posted 11/20/08 12:23 AM

 

 

@Renee…read the definition of Ignorant ig•no•rant Pronunciation: \ˈig-n(ə-)rənt\ Function: adjective Date: 14th century 1 a: destitute of knowledge or education ; also : lacking knowledge or comprehension of the thing specified b: resulting from or showing lack of knowledge or intelligence This does account for you and many other people in our society that think your way is the only way. Reality is what makes this world go round is the difference between people…we all breathe the same air, are born the same way, have feelings…but, what makes me different from you is that I make decision that only affect my life. I do not tell anyone else what to do regardless of what I believe. Abby and Max go to bed every night knowing that we will be here in the morning…a family unit that has shown nothing but unconditional love for our children. Renee, I don’t tell you what to believe or what to do…why do you think it is okay to tell me or anyone else in the gay and lesbian community. If you don’t think it is right, then don’t do it. But, you have no right to tell me what to do. Luckily, we don’t live under a dictatorship, so please stop acting like one!

- Abby's Mom

Posted 11/20/08 12:37 AM

 

 

@Renee…one more thing…being Gay is not a choice, just a you being straight is not a choice. So please, stop acting like our “lifestyle” is what we choose. Trust me…after endouring the hate this world has it is the last thing anyone wants to be…that is different from what you and many others believe to be “the norm.” In my book, “the norm” is anyone who loves one another unconditionally.

- Abby's Mom

Posted 11/20/08 12:46 AM

 

 

You tell her, Abby’s Mom!

- JBL

Posted 11/20/08 02:04 AM

 

 

Did you ever realize I never said anything about being for or against gay marriage/unions? I am against it obviously, but never once did I say it. I just don’t like someone trying to use a child’s voice into guilting me into something that my heart believes is wrong. I do think the tone of this piece was provoking (as I’m sure it was intended to be) and slightly manipulative. I never spoke against your lifestyle or said anything about whether or not it is a choice to be gay and I don’t hate those who are. It is possible to disagree without hate. I honestly have love in my heart for every person and especially children seeing as I work with them professionally and have two young ones of my own. I just think this is an adult battle to fight and perhaps a child would not want to grow up having been the face of an issue.

- Renee

Posted 11/20/08 07:46 AM

 

 

@ Renee…Children do become the face of it…As our children grow up and many others in the gay and lesbian community, they will have question of why people are against their basic human rights. It is very apparent in your postings that you are closed minded when it comes to the gay and lesbian community. You didn’t have to write it in black and white. The most important thing I can teach my children is that people like you and many others in this world live in a place that is not about basic human rights…just like Rosa Parks had to endure all because the pigment in her skin was different. Have you ever considered that people who are gay brains are different? Research has been done and it is a fact. So please, stop trying to rationalize what your beliefs or what your God has in store for you. It is not my God or even your neighbors God…just as I don’t tell you to be gay and it is the only way. All anyone wants is basic human rights, so please stop trying to deny anyone that!!!

- Abby's Mom

Posted 11/20/08 11:41 AM

 

 

Renee, you seem to genuinely care about children including Abby, and I applaud that. I would like to ask, though, how you could possibly think that it would be better FOR HER to have parents who are unable to marry and who are treated as second-class citizens than to have parents who can marry just like straight parents can? Kids of gay parents will still be around, living their lives and facing their hurdles, whether or not gay people are granted the “right” to marry. I personally think that one of the BEST reasons to allow gay couples to marry is that it is pretty clearly in the best interests of their children… Obviously, you have a problem with gay PARENTING, but Prop 8 doesn’t address that at all. With or without marriage rights, gay people are going to continue to have and adopt babies. That is simply a fact. All this proposition does is ensure that children of gay couples will have to face all of the discrimination and bigotry that you allege concerns you…

- Andrew

Posted 11/20/08 12:17 PM

 

 

I never expressed a concern about homosexual parenting! It seems words are being put in my dialogue box! There are many heterosexual parents who are worse than worse at parenting!! I don’t think sexual orientation is the definition a good parent. And honestly, if the law does allow the unions to be recognized then so be it. I don’t have to agree with something to accept that it is a part of society or is law. Again, the thing that bothered me with this piece is the voice with which it was written. Children deserve to make their own choices and not to have them forced upon them. Parents can guide children and try to instill the values they feel are important. We have no way of knowing that Abby will grow up feeling the same way as her parent! Maybe she will and maybe she won’t. I mean not all children of racists end up being racist, not all children of Christians end up believing in God, so why should one assume that the child of a homosexual would grow up to be an activist for the community? I really do wish good things for your children. No, I don’t agree with your lifestyle, but I wish you no ill harm whatsoever. I guess we will just have to agree to disagree. God bless (and I mean that in a nice way) :)

- Renee

Posted 11/20/08 01:24 PM

 

 

@Renee…one more note…have you ever considered that children aren’t born with racism and bigotry…it is what is instilled in them by their parents. So, if you want to allow children to make up their minds, then don’t you think that you should also keep your opinion to yourself and not sway your children or anyone else’s one direction or the other? You said you don’t agree with my lifestyle and you are voicing it…so please, stop being a hypocrite.

- Abby's Mom

Posted 11/20/08 01:56 PM

 

 

*sigh* I didn’t say don’t teach them values that are important to you and I didn’t say people were born as racists or bigots. I said just because they are taught something it doesn’t mean they will end up believing it! I said they shouldn’t be forced to be the face of an issue. As I said before, agree to disagree I suppose.

- Renee

Posted 11/20/08 02:07 PM

 

 

My children aren’t forced to be the face of an issue…they are the issue!

- Abby's Mom

Posted 11/20/08 02:40 PM

 

 

Renee, out of curiosity, what are your thoughts on Ruby Bridges, the first little girl to be integrated into the white schools in Louisiana (and the subject of a famous Norman Rockwell painting)? Talk about a kid being forced to be the face of an issue! And yet, Ruby is widely considered to be one of the true heroes of the Civil Rights movement… Do you think her parents should have protected her from the realities of racism and insisted that she remain segregated?

- Andrew

Posted 11/20/08 03:06 PM

 

 

I can’t believe it’s 2008 and we are still voting on civil rights. For the woman appalled at writing from a child’s viewpoint…why not, you don’t think children can sense the hatred aimed toward their family? The world is so full of hate, when two people want to come together forever, why do we have a problem with that? Those wanting to fight against gay marriage should instead fight the number of heterosexual divorces.

- nelsonmelle

Posted 11/20/08 03:41 PM

 

 

That issue was directly related to the child as in it could not exist without the child. It was the CHILD’S education and rights. The argument for or against homosexual marriage is an adult issue. It does affect the child, but points can be made and discussions can be had by the adults involved. If and when she wants to get married and if she is a homosexual then it will be directly her issue. I’m not trying to argue for or against the marriage issue. People keep taking my opinions and expanding them to include things I never brought up. The adults can live their lives however they choose. I stated my disagreement with how it was brought up in this article and have been consequently attacked and called horrible for it. This argument could go on forever without any of us changing our view and so I’ll just say again, God bless and agree to disagree!

- Renee

Posted 11/20/08 03:45 PM

 

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