When we realized we had celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay's alleged mistress Sarah Symonds on tape speaking of a past affair, we were riveted by the never-seen-before footage. The thing that struck us most was how unemotional she sounded, how laissez faire she seemed about the whole thing.
momlogic: How does a mistress justify her actions?
Shannon Fox: Being a mistress is a very selfish act. It doesn't take other people's feelings into account. A mistress' self-esteem is so low, she will take any crumbs of attention the cheating man will give her. She will give the man the utmost attention and the best sex, thinking she can win him over and then that will make her worthy. She so needs the man to build her up, she will do whatever it takes. She can't see beyond her own needs.
Oftentimes, mistresses were cheated on themselves. At one point, they might have had a sense of sisterhood with other women, but once they were cheated on, that went away ... and now it's all about revenge. Women are so competitive. If a woman can win a man away from another women, that means she wins. If he would choose her over his own family, that must mean she's desirable! This just feeds her poor ego.
momlogic: Why does a high-profile man who seemingly has it all cheat?
Shannon Fox: Part of it is because they can. In general, cheating is an issue of character. But it can also be an issue of opportunity. There are some men out there who don't cheat now, but they might if they had women coming up to them all the time offering sex. Famous men walk into a room and know that 8 out of 10 women would sleep with them.
For someone's who's famous, it actually takes more effort not to cheat than it takes to cheat. A normal guy would have to go out of his way to cheat with someone, but a famous guy has to say "no, no, no" all the time in order to stay faithful.
Part of what makes a man famous also helps him be a cheater. He's powerful and charismatic. He's often away from his family on business. He's surrounded by people who tell him yes, and how great he is. That makes it very easy to cheat.
Why do men in power -- whether it be a pastor, politician, athlete, or actor -- cheat? Everyone is in love with their persona, except their wife. Their wife is the only person in the world who really knows their flaws. Cheating is their opportunity to live as their persona. They might cheat with an adoring sex kitten who thinks they're perfect, but then they go back home to their wives who talks about bills and the fact that their socks are out of the hamper again. He doesn't want to live in the real world. He wants to be who everyone thinks he is ... because it sure would feel a lot better.
momlogic: What can we learn from these tapes?
Shannon Fox: The lesson to be learned here is that affairs almost always come out, especially if the person if famous. With my experience with clients, it is extremely difficult if not impossible to keep an affair under wraps. 65% of marriages will end in divorce if there is an affair. That means only 35% of marriages survive. That's a pretty serious gamble to take.
When things are going wrong in a marriage, many people think cheating is the easy way out -- but it leads to a much harder road in the end. Think about what the lying and cheating and betrayal does to the marriage and the family, and the trust. It would be so much easier if you would go to your spouse and say, "We're having some problems, let's figure this out before something happens that we both regret. Let's see a counselor." If you're tempted to cheat, just remember it's not the easy way out, not by a longshot.
I also thought it was fascinating how Sarah Symonds was shocked that her married boyfriend lied to her about not sleeping with his wife. Of course he's lying ... that's the definition of a cheater. If he lies to his wife of 12 years, you think he won't lie to YOU? What a shocking revelation to learn that cheaters lie!
Why do you think people cheat? Comment below.