Why one dad hates watching baby-related shows after having a child.
Guest blogger Paul Starke: I have a friend who's a New York City prosecutor who can't stand watching shows like "Law & Order," simply because they're not realistic enough for his tastes. I've heard that doctors and nurses feel the same way about "ER." These shows may be entertaining, but to the people who actually work in the professions portrayed, they just don't ring true. After being a dad for 7 months, that's sort of how I feel about baby-themed movies and TV shows. Here are, "The 12 Most Ridiculous Baby-Related Movies and TV Shows."
1. "Rosemary's Baby": There's no way that an unemployed actor would be able to afford a three-bedroom apartment on the Upper West Side; oh, and the whole "getting impregnated by the devil" thing.
3. "Full House": Yes, the Olsen twins were adorable as babies, but all they did throughout the entire run of the series was provide witty comebacks to Bob Saget. Not once did they cry, break something, or poop themselves.
4. "Three Men and a Baby": That scene where Guttenberg/Danson/Selleck soothe the abandoned baby by singing a classic 60s song? Yeah, I've tried it and that doesn't work.
5. "Mork & Mindy": There was an episode where Mork (Robin Williams) delivers a baby (a middle-aged Jonathan Winters) out of his belly-button. Actually, my wife says that childbirth sort of feels like this.
6. "Honey, I Shrunk The Kids": The most preposterous thing about this film is that they made a sequel.
7. "Baby Boom": I know it was 1987, but how could Diane Keaton possibly have kept her equilibrium with those enormous shoulder pads?
8. "The Ten Commandments": My son can't stay in the bath for more than 30 seconds without freaking out, so I doubt Moses traveled down that river in a basket for several days.
9. "Family Ties": Ok, only avid watchers may recall this, but one season, baby Andrew Keaton was a newborn, and then the next season, he was like 5 years old. Methinks Steve and Elyse were spiking his milk with Human Growth Hormone.
11. "A Cry in the Dark": The "dingo took my baby" excuse doesn't work in other aspects of life. "The dingo took my homework"... "The dingo took my rent check"... "the dingo took me to a strip club" etc.
12. "Sesame Street": Yes, it's a beloved national treasure, but having your children learn how to count from a ghoulish, undead vampire is going to cause some problems down the road.
|Paul Starke is an Emmy-winning TV producer, and a co-writer of the #1 New York Times bestseller, An Inconvenient Book.|