Guest blogger Paul Starke: Blogger's note: Today's blog is written by my lovely wife, Melissa. Apparently, she's not too happy with the way I've depicted her, which, in her words, is as a "cross between Roseanne Barr and Eva Braun." So, in order to avoid an unpleasant week, here's my wife Melissa's "12 Biggest Lies About My Husband's Blog."
1. I'm no longer interested in sex since I had the baby: He wants me to wear sexy lingerie. Fine. I'd like him to change his sweatpants and take his hands off his crotch.
2. He watches sports every weekend: Not true. He watches sports every weeknight as well, and probably for several hours at work.
3. I yell at him all the time: I think I'm pretty patient with him. He's the one who, I'm not kidding, got angry with me when I bought the "wrong" kind of Macaroni and Cheese.
4. I drag him to "chick flicks": Our Netflix movies just arrived yesterday. He tried to tell me that "The Incredible Hulk" is just like "Sex and the City" only greener.
5. I don't let him do anything fun: Except play online Scrabble while I put Luke to sleep.
6. Paul doesn't bathe regularly: Actually, that one's sort of true.
7. I haven't lost all my pregnancy weight yet: I think I look pretty damn good; in fact, HE'S the one whose face has gotten puffier by the day. He needs Chin Pilates.
8. I don't cook dinner anymore: I never did, so I have no idea what that's all about. Plus, this isn't 1958.
9. My family buys the baby tons of useless crap: Sure, we have 80 different Baby Red Sox items, but they're all infinitely more useful than some gifts his family got. What exactly are we going to do with a tree in Israel?
10. I like making playdates with strangers: Paul is the one who hates awkward conversations, so whenever he meets ANYONE with a baby, he hands out his business card and says "we should all hang out" just to get out of the encounter.
11. Poo: My husband makes it seem like he's constantly up to his eyes in baby poo, which is odd, since whenever he smells a poo in the baby's diaper, he immediately hands him off to me.
12. My husband is an incompetent, anti-social nincompoop: Well, sometimes he is ... but he also looks at Baby Luke the same way he looks at me: with unconditional love.
Melissa Starke is a working mom who takes care of two babies: her 7-month-old son Luke, and her 34-year-old husband, Paul.