This guy is a real winner. Meet retired Army colonel Scott Carlson. He'll be spending a lot of time in the big house in 2009 for getting another guy to take a paternity test for him. Duh.

A Pennsylvania judge just sentenced the 53-year-old former officer to up to 23 months in the slammer for arranging to have another colonel -- an instructor at the Army War College -- to submit a DNA sample and thumbprint for the paternity test in 2006.

Prosecutors say he concocted the scheme to avoid paying child support for a 10-year-old girl he fathered through an extramarital affair with an enlisted woman.