The "brag letter" has become the standard during the holidays. How about one that tells the truth?

Dear Friends and Family,

Wow, what a year.

In the last months our family has been closer than ever, mostly because Tom and I both got laid off from our jobs and defaulted on our mortgage. Our new one-bedroom apartment is "cozy" for the six of us.

Tom had a brief "transgression" last February and had an affair with a co-worker -- and I became addicted to a cocktail of Ambien, White Zin and NyQuil. But that's all behind us now and we couldn't be happier -- at least that's what our therapist tries to tell us.

Little baby Susan is just starting to crawl. It's such a joy to see how much she's growing and learning every day. Last week she learned that she can pull herself up the T.V. stand, pull it down and destroy a flatscreen. Luckily no one was hurt.

The twins are doing great. They both turned four this year. Johnny, the social one, got in a "spirited" argument over ownership of a toy truck with a little fella at the park and split the boy's lip with an Incredible Hulk doll. The family's lawyer seems very nice. Tommy, the sickly one, has been recovering nicely after a bout of the stomach flu, lice, croup and pink-eye. This year we had to forego the Christmas tree because, apparently, Tommy is allergic to pine and polyethylene.

As you might know by now, little Christy isn't so little anymore -- she's eight months pregnant which is going to make planning her upcoming Sweet Sixteen party a bit tricky. We believe we might be getting closer to figuring out who the father is with a D.N.A. kit we bought at Rite Aid.

That's it for now. Next year will be even better!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year,

The Mulligans
Tom, Cindy, Christy, Johnny, Tommy and Susan.