"No Gifts" Means NO GIFTS!

"No Gifts" Means NO GIFTS!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

filed under: celebration logic

Guest blogger Emily: This year I made a deal: No Gifts. I agreed with my family, including my husband, that this year we would not exchange gifts. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

This year instead of buying everyone a gift, I decided we would take what little funds we do have, and make a donation on everyone's behalf to a charity. Alas, NO ONE, including my husband, followed through on the deal! They broke the pact and I now look like an a**. "Noooo! Don't worry!" They'd say handing me a lovely gift as I sat there blushing in disbelief. "It's just a little something! I picked it out months ago!" SO??? Is that supposed to make me feel better about the fact that I didn't buy you sh*t?! Not even a card! I mean, I felt awful. But frankly, while I appreciate the thought, I actually think it's kind of rude. It's like showing up with your kids to an "adults only" wedding, or showing up to a dinner party after having eaten dinner! It's rude. A deal is a deal and a pact is a pact -- especially in this economic climate!

Like many families in this country, mine is having a tough time navigating through rocky financial times. All of our excess funds are being poured into "essentials only" and we're having to make slashes in our spending left and right. Obviously, the decision to cut back on gifts and presents during the holiday season was not an easy one. Who doesn't like to give and receive? But I'm disappointed in my family for not honoring my decision, our agreement actually, and essentially "showing me up" and making me look like the Grinch who stole Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanzaa and even New Year's. I suck!

Look, the fact that my husband went out of his way to buy me a purse I had my eye on for a while was very sweet, but I'd be willing to put money (that I really don't have) on it, that he's secretly hoping that I have a little gifty-poo up my sleeve too. Well, guess what, I don't. I hadn't even thought about it and now I feel like I am forced to -- and to me, that's exactly what the holidays are NOT all about....

Should people stick to the "no gift policy" or is Emily really the Grinch? Tell us what you think!

11 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

I agree; if there was an agreement they should have stuck to it. My husband and I decided years ago that we are not going to exchange gifts for Christmas or for our Birthdays. Instead we go out for a nice supper together. We enjoy the time we are spending together and this way we don’t over spend. I believe time together is better than any item.

- Amy

Posted 12/23/08 09:41 AM

I really do feel what your going through. DH was just laid off and I said NO GIFTS. With money being so tight I said really worry about the kids. FIL spends alot on his kids and little on the grandkids. Did anyone listen? NOPE! They all got DH and I gifts. I really know what that a** feels like!!

- Toni-Lynn

Posted 12/23/08 10:04 AM

Absolutely. A pact is a pact. This happened to me once with a friend who dumped a bunch of really thoughtful gifts on me. I felt like a jerk. But you’re right. If people are really thinking of you and how you feel, they shouldn’t ambush you with gifts you weren’t expecting or planning to reciprocate. No fair.

- Kathy

Posted 12/23/08 10:04 AM

I feel your pain, Emily. I have a closet full of “just in case” gifts. I shouldn’t have to do that but most people ignore the pact.

- Anonymous

Posted 12/23/08 10:14 AM

ooh, that’s tough. I can see why she feels horrible - I would too. But I’m that person who would buy a gift anyway… because the real joy of the holiday season for me is giving gifts. And if I know it could make you smile, you can bet I’ll find a way to get it.

- iMommy

Posted 12/23/08 10:15 AM

I sooooooooooooooooooooooo agree with you. This year I got nobody anything, other than my 2 kids..that’s it…nobody else. I’m not going to be guilted into buying gifts for others. Every year I say that we’re not doing gifts, nobody listens so perhaps this year they will. Guess we’ll find out in a few days! But, I sure won’t feel guilty about not buying.

- Tara Burner

Posted 12/23/08 10:18 AM

I feel sorry for your husband. Us guys don’t know whether you women mean what you say at the best of times. Half the time when you say you don’t want something it means you REALLY want it and then you turn into grumpy grandmas when we don’t get it for you! We just can’t win! :)

- Neil Kilbride

Posted 12/23/08 10:22 AM

Neil does have a very good point, but when it’s a no gift AGREEMENT then I would just hand it right back and say, “Sorry, we said no gifts remember?” If people are going to be “poor givers” and not listen to you, I think you have the right to be a “poor receiver”.

- Anon

Posted 12/23/08 11:52 AM

Don’t feel bad about your husband’s gift. I don’t think men give a whit whether you buy them a present, what they want usually doesn’t cost us anything! You gave the gift givers a present, you gave them you. Smile and say thank you, next year they will know that you mean no gifts. It takes a little adjustment period that’s all:)

- Erika

Posted 12/23/08 11:58 AM

The true spirit of the season is not about buying gifts! TIS THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS. A simple card, one that you can actually make, would let those people in your life know how much your thinking of them through this season of giving. Many gifts can be made at home. I believe that one must do as one feels. However, if people make agreements, then they should be kept.

- Chris

Posted 12/24/08 11:04 AM

I make little things, like decorated candy dishes ($0.99 each at the craft store!) filled with peppermints, for the adults on my list. That way, if they give me something, I don’t feel bad and they feel special that I took the time to make something just for them. If they don’t give me something, they don’t feel bad because it really only cost me about a dollar! It’s a win-win situation.

- Lauren

Posted 12/26/08 12:48 AM