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To All Moms: From a Virgin

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Guest blogger StillHoldingStrong says: NOT teaching your kids about sex won't keep them out of the sack.

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Of course you want your kids to stay virgins until married. Of course you don't want them to lose their virginity before they're ready to make a life-lasting commitment. But do you really think that not teaching them about sex (and all the variations of it) is really going to dampen teenage curiosity? I hate to break it to you, but a promise, a $10 ring and sexual ignorance happen to make a bad cocktail -- or so says new findings that say that virginity pledgers are less likely to use protection against STDs and birth control.

As a 28-year-old Christian, I made my pledge more than 10 years ago, but that didn't stop my mother from educating me about sex (of all kinds) condoms and what happens when the "hose meets the flower" (she was a lot less delicate about it -- but I won't say what she actually said in print). I don't even think that she expected me to stay a virgin this long (she actually supports a little sexual experimentation before I marry), but the decision was mine from the beginning -- and the decision has to be your teen's as well. If you pressure them to make a decision that they are not ready for -- they won't keep it, they will lie to you about their activity and then you might be wondering why a bundle of joy is calling you Grandma. You may have saved yourself a little aggravation by teaching your daughter what to do with a little thing called a condom.

You may not want to hear this about your little Betty, because you think she is the exception, but I am telling you the truth. Yes, the abstinence pledge has become tres chic, with the Jonas Brothers and Selena Gomez, but Nick Jonas isn't going to be the one to snatch Betty when she is making out with her crush.

So if your daughter decides to take an abstinence pledge (and before you exhale with relief) -- a side dish of sexual education from you won't hurt. Tell them what abstinence means -- what it really means before they put on that ring. But most of all, let them know that you will love them no matter what they decide.

The decision is theirs. Don't make it for them.


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9 comments so far | Post a comment now
Anonymous December 29, 2008, 10:33 PM

A-freaking-Men. Women with daughters take heed: A little knowledge goes a LOOOOONG way when it comes to making this kind of decision.

mizfit December 29, 2008, 10:54 PM

Please talk to your kids about sex! I was raised in a cult like homeschool group and it was taboo to learn about your own body parts. Guess what? I got pregnant.

megan December 29, 2008, 10:55 PM

who are these parents telling their kids to NOT have sex. I like sex. Sex is GREAT. Why would I want to keep that from my daughter. When she’s ready, she will have sex. It’s my job to make sure she’s smart about it—but I don’t get these parents who don’t talk to their kids about sex. give me a break.

gabrielle January 2, 2009, 10:11 PM

sex is great.

Chell February 13, 2009, 3:30 PM

My biggest irritation about the way kids are raised these days is the NON information they get. I was brought up in a hush hush home… but not really strict. My mom had “The Talk” with me… but there were things she did and said that made me rebel. With my daughter, I was completely honest about EVERYTHING. I gave her the good, the bad and the ugly about sex, drugs, everything. The problem is, today’s parents FORGET what it was like when THEY were a teen… it didn’t matter what your parents tried to stop you from doing… you always found a way. So by putting everything on the table… it takes the fun away. My daughter doesn’t do drugs, smoke, drink and is abstinent. She even now, at 20, talks to Middle Schools about it.

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