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Married Solo Sex: Is It Normal?

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If you'd rather relax with your vibrator than your husband, you'll love this.

Young woman running hands through hair

So your sex life sizzles, and your guy is eager to please you. Yet sometimes -- OK, lots of times -- you'd rather masturbate than sleep with your guy. Or you may have the opposite problem -- occasionally your guy would rather get off solo, than have sex.

And you're left wondering: is this normal?

Here's the good news: Masturbating has nothing -- we repeat, nothing -- to do with how satisfied you are in bed. Experts say it's just a healthy way to channel your sexual energy. What's more, by experimenting with what feels good, you can better teach your guy how to please you. Plus, it provides quick relief to those sexual itches when you're home alone.

And the same goes for men, who in general experience more sexual urges than women (blame all that testosterone coursing through his body). In fact, according to a recent online survey, men pleasure themselves 4.9 times per week on average, compared to 2.8 times for women.

But if you're worried that your guy would rather fly solo than make love, know this: There are times when men swear off sex. If he's tired, stressed, or freaking out about money, he's more likely to crave low maintenance pleasure than worry about satisfying another person. In other words, he can avoid performance pressure.

Sure, you could always offer him a helping hand, but as long as playing solitaire doesn't replace the bond you have with your guy, just consider self-love another healthy aspect to your sexuality.

next: My 5-Year-Old Has a Boy in Her Bed
9 comments so far | Post a comment now
Amy Hoag December 7, 2008, 2:39 PM

I am one of those rare women who loves sex only with the real thing and does not like the vibrator. I sometimes wish I did as I have a very high sex drive that my husband can’t satisfy often…

Lisa Maria Carroll December 8, 2008, 7:50 PM

I’ve never used a vibrator, so I can’t speak from that angle. But, as for my husband preferring masturbation over me, I would be offended by that. I know “experts” say him masturbating has nothing to do with me, but I would feel like it has everything to do with me. He’d better teach me how to touch him the way he’s touching himself.

just sayin' December 8, 2008, 10:25 PM

I go solo all the time. My hubby will watch and enjoys it as well. Keeps things lots of fun.

Early Cuyler December 9, 2008, 12:51 PM


Your husband just doesn’t want to have to be all lovey with you and cuddle. So much more satisfying to just watch some young little lesbians go at it and shoot off some knuckle children before passing out.

lee December 9, 2008, 11:07 PM

well i enjoy being with my man, but sometimes it is just easier to do it yourself. i have masturbated with him and while he just watched. there is nothing wrong with mutual masturbation. i did not always have the big “O” with my man, but when i do it myself…it is guaranteed.

Patricia December 14, 2008, 3:03 PM

My ex-husband wanted me to do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping. Because while I was doing these domestic chores; he was milking himself to XXX movies, magazines and internet. I guy like this deserves to be divorced and not married. I learned the hard way. I was 26 when I got married and he was 28, but apparently he could only get off by watching 18 year olds getting screwed by over 30 year old men. Sick, sick, sick. I wanted romance, intimacy, lust with a real man and not with myself. Why even get married or a committed relationship; if you are going to have to play with your self.

Patricia December 14, 2008, 10:31 PM

I was married for 17 years to a man addicked to XXX movies, XXX magazines and porn internet. I have been divorced for 4 years; because I felt that I deserve better than perverted scum. I have to say that I would rather use my own fantasies and pleasure myself; then to have sex with a boring, obese, verbally and mentally abusive, unattractive man.

Tubgirl March 20, 2009, 9:08 AM

My man and I love to make our own porn and erotica. Especially the ones on the farm. We had plenty of male leads, and none of them could get me pregnant.

Pharmd121 April 6, 2011, 10:41 AM

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