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Sometimes I Really Wish I Were a Lesbian

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Two mommies are better than one!

To woman together

Momlogic's Nancy: I like men. I like men a lot. And at some points in my life, it seems I've liked men even a bit too much ... this includes my husband, the father of my two children. Think about it, isn't liking men a bit too much what made us moms in the first place?

But every now and then, I have to admit that I find myself asking the million dollar question, "Why the hell couldn't I have just been a lesbian?" And then other times, this heterosexual 40-year-old finds herself dreaming, "Man, oh man, I really wish I were a lesbian."

Now, it's not like I think lesbians live these perfect lives or anything. My lesbian friends have their own bills to pay and problems to solve just like the rest of us. But even so, there have been so many times that my straight friends and I (all harried, time-strapped, stressed out working moms) all look at each other and wonder how much easier life would be if we could just live together and raise our children together. Think of it -- how freaking amazing would it be if there were two moms in your house instead of just one? That sounds like heaven to me.

Two moms would mean there would be another woman on hand who could help with things like scheduling playdates, schlepping the kids to their doctor appointments, weeding through the torrent of PTA emails, making sure the kids have a vegetable with every meal and figuring out what after school activities to sign the kids up for. But that's not all -- imagine having another woman in your house who would know what to do when your little one spikes a fever. Hell, how nice would it be just to have someone else in the house who could actually spot the fact that your child has a fever in the first place.

Now remember, I'm by no means a man basher, I happen to be married to a pretty wonderful one who is also a very hands on dad. But even so, I don't think he, or any other man I know has once stopped to realize that the kids have outgrown their shoes and it's time to shop for new ones.

So, while it seems men have a tendency to drool and fantasize about a little girl on girl action, so do I. But while their lesbian fantasies often involve hand jobs and rolling over to go to sleep, my version is all about a little hands on help -- so I can roll over and go to sleep.


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15 comments so far | Post a comment now
Amber December 11, 2008, 8:48 PM

Me too, just without the sex

911mom December 11, 2008, 11:26 PM

I said that to a lesbian friend once when I was having some drama with a man, and she said “There’s even MORE drama”

Anonymous December 12, 2008, 10:12 AM

Sounds like what you really need is a nanny. Oh and while you’re at it, get a life outside your kids. Oh and one more thing, you made the statement that love of men made you a mother. Last time I checked, there were plently of lesbian mothers.

Angela December 12, 2008, 10:22 AM

My girlfriends and I joke about this all the time. I’d love to raise my kids with the support of other women, only problem is I’d end up sneaking out for booty calls with men.

June December 12, 2008, 2:46 PM

SO, I guess I’m not alone in my lesbian fantasies then

Simon December 12, 2008, 5:09 PM

You’re saying that all men are intrinsically incapable of, and pathologically disinterested in, being caregivers.

You’re saying that *only* women, but *all* women, have the ability and desire to raise children.

If your husband isn’t helping you with your kids, you don’t need a lesbian partner. You need a new husband.

Rebecca December 14, 2008, 2:37 PM

As a lesbian, I’m seriously offended by this post.

Patricia December 14, 2008, 3:26 PM

I joke that I would have had more sex if I was a lesbian. My ex-husband was so addicked to XXX movies, XXX magazines and internet, that I wasn’t getting anything from him. I could not figure out why; he always wanted to stay home by himself. Guys if you are addicked to porn, please let the woman know before you tie the knot. It would save us a lot of heartache and money.

Leigh  December 20, 2008, 8:49 PM

I get offended when lesbians aren’t attracted to me.

Justin February 19, 2009, 11:40 PM

This is disgustingly ignorant. Do you think, like a previous person wrote, that there would be less drama and that things would be taken care of more easily?

You would be terribly mistaken! Instead of one overly emotional, vengeful, conniving woman, you would have two who share the same period of bitchiness due to their menstrual cycle! You should be grateful for the constancy that is your husband!

Sassy August 5, 2009, 9:03 AM

I think about this all the time. This post is kind of ignorant, though.

Patrick October 5, 2009, 6:55 PM

It is possible for people to live together and help each other without marrying and/or smooching. If it really would be so great to live with your straight girlfriends, why not buy a really big house and move everyone in together?

junieb March 19, 2010, 8:43 AM

I kind of agree with the article but not with wishing you were a lesbian. I think there are women out there who are equally as tired of men as I am. I just need a mother who never wants to remarry like me to help me raise my kids and I help her raise hers. I dont know if that is possible but I have been seriously considering this alternate lifestyle.

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