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X-Rated Flicks Pump Up the Passion

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One mom explains how porn can save your marriage.

man and woman in bed with tv on

Guest blogger Karrine Steffans: Last week, I told you how to make his fantasies come to life. Now it's time to kick it up a notch.

I know for some of you this will be the most difficult thing you've done since the first (and possibly last) time you tried a bikini wax. But hold tight, girlfriends, because what I'm about to tell you could possibly save your relationship.

First stop, porn!

Everyone has fantasies. Maybe yours is simply a day away from the children or tripping your mother-in-law down the steps. For men, however, fantasies most likely include sex. Men need variety and for you to use your imagination ... but when all you do is talk about the kids or how tired and stressed you always are, you sort of disqualify yourself from having the starring role in his fantasy. And your replacement? "Sluts with Butts #73."

I know. You want to vomit just thinking about it.

But the solution to this obstacle is simple. Associate yourself with the fantasy!

1. Slip into bed naked with your mate or in a highly provocative, slightly slutty get-up and pop in "Sluts with Butts #73."

2. As he turns on, get him off.

3. No need to try and compete with Miss Pussy Willow on the screen. He'll never meet her and even if he did, she wouldn't want him. Your only competition is yourself.

4. To really turn it up, record yourself in the act and make a new set of porn for your hubby to enjoy starring the both of you. If for no other reason, he'll watch just to see how he performed!

Don't quit on me now, girls! There's so much more to learn and do in the final and third part of our Strippers and Porn series. Stay tuned!

next: Wasted Youth: Freshmen Girls Beware
107 comments so far | Post a comment now
Lisa December 16, 2008, 9:44 PM

I think alot of people are misunderstanding the points that those of us that don’t agree with her are trying to make. It’s not that we are mad or’s more of “you have the audacity to try and give advice” It would be one thing if she wrote those books and people could visibly see the change..IF that was the case then to me she would be worthy of praise BUT she is still out here doing the same things..and I think that is what has some of us like ILL.. And what does she have that most of us really want… money… yeah maybe but who wants to do what she did to get it. She seems to pretend that she is happy. Someone put me on to her site because they just wanted me to see how crazy this chic is…pure entertainment if you ask me. You putting pics of little azz bow wow as your profile pic and then you think you can tell grown women how to keep their marriage together. U screwing a little boy.. lawd ha mercy… I went to COLLEGE and majored in psychology and we studied people like her….There is a name for what she has..its called delusion and depression. She needs help and instead of y’all playing on her illness u need to help this chic really find herself and stop with the BS.. Karrine people are not laughing with you, they are laughing at you. People are obssessed with your lies and this picture your painting. It has nothing to do with YOU.. You are a beautiful women, learn to love yourself and watch how happy life can be..O and I’m very happy. Just because I choose to talk about her doesn’t mean that I’m hating.. I choose to live my life differently and I might not have the money but I am happy with myself and that is what truly matters…

McFly December 16, 2008, 9:52 PM

Comming from a man’s point of view i’d have to agree with this. Obviously this is not for everyone only those with open minds. For those who are offended, hey you don’t have to try this it’s just that simple.


mdsteelergal December 16, 2008, 9:54 PM

Well Miss Jean, in case you didn’t read my entire post — I am a happily married woman of 10 yrs. I don’t ‘need’ anything but God, which is why all of the judgmental comments I read sicken me. My husband and I try whatever we need to, and if that includes a little porn - so be it! Again, your husband may not like Karrine or what she stands for or has to offer - but then again that is what he’s telling you! How truthful are men about their sexual fantasies with those that they feel will not acknowledge them? I just think that none of us actually know Karrine. See, her changing her image is between her and God. We don’t have a Heaven or Hell for her, therefore, she can care less about your opinions. Sex sales and bills have to be paid. Why not write about what you know, and for the record, how do you know if she does outreach or not? This is the very reason women don’t support each other, because they are so worried about what those that don’t matter have to say!

shawty December 16, 2008, 10:09 PM

Some women dont understand…every man’s desires are DIFFERENT. The advice that Karrine is offering goes great for women who have men who really gets into that and how She can go along and EVERYONE is satisfied….IF your man is a gay dwarf get off this site no one cares about your problems!!! LOL Keep ‘em comin Karrine…because I’m READING…GREAT ADVICE

Happily Married R U?  December 16, 2008, 10:37 PM

OK…so after reading everyone’s comment. Here is my half a cent. Do I agree with everything Karrine is saying no. I do think that porn addiction is real and that it can harm a marriage. I have seen it happen.
But I think overall a lot of people are missing the point. The point is that we (wives) often fall in a rut of life taking care of everybody and often forgetting that we are WOMEN first. That man fell in love with everything about you yes, but part of that was SEX. Marriages end for 3 reasons Lack of Communication, sex, and money. If you have the first 2 on lock you can survive the other. Do I do porn, no. But it’s because of personal reason betwenn me and mine. But will I strip for him, yup, dance for him, yup, do we find interesting places to get it on, oh yes, (my mother in law’s house has been christening more than once during the holidays.) STOP, please STOP, putting everything in front of your marriage, your sexual relationship with YOUR husband, If he married u and committed to being sexually committed to u, the least u can do is BREAK THE MAN OFF!Sorry…I digress. If what Karrine is saying offends you do what my grandmother says,eat the chicken and throw out the bones. Take what you can and keep it moving. But I will say this…u BETTER talk to that man u have, and love on that man u have, before u don’t have that man and someone else does. My moto: NO ONE WILL EVER BE ABLE TO OFFER MINE WHAT HE DOESN’T GET AT HOME AND NO ONE WILL EVER OFFER IT TO HIM BETTER. Now stop reading and go JUMP on your HUBBY, I’m sure he’ll appericiate it! LOL!

EastCoastMan December 17, 2008, 12:00 AM

I WAS ENGAGED TO KARRINE 7yrs ago and I am amazed by how people who don’t know her have so much to say.

She was the best woman I ever had and I cheated on her. She left needless to say. But as a man who actually knows her I can say she was perfect. Cooked, cleaned, took care of the house and kept me satisfied in every way. She’s an amazing mother and a wonderful woman, overall.

She definitely chooses bad men though. And I was one. You’ve never heard anyone say she cheated on them or treated them badly. She has been a terrible judge of character though and all she ever wanted was to be appreciated. I couldn’t do that and I lost out.

She’s been engaged several times and married a few and those men who are lucky enough to be a part of her real life, have loved her. Maybe not enough. I was a jerk and I’m just happy she found love with someone I hear she’s been best friends with for years. Maybe that’s what we all need. To be with our best friend.

But you people sound silly cause you have no idea what she does on a daily basis cause you believe everything she puts out for entertainment. Maybe you can’t separate her job from her reality. She knows how to sell books, that’s for sure. And how to get you all talking about her by creating an image grander than her own.

Was she ever extra wild though? Not really. I was worst than she was, that’s for sure. Anyway, you angry women all sound stupid talking about someone you don’t know and are so wrong about.

I always say I would give my mother to have her back. Sorry Ma.

K, if you read this, I’m happy for you. Finally.


Ms.Terry December 17, 2008, 12:29 AM

She is married…Also it’s her opinion don’t listen to it if you don’t want..Duh!

mike December 17, 2008, 5:12 AM

how about a guys view? i think that most women believe that men are just horny and will have sex anywhere anytime. a lot of guys i know say that they went from having sex every day to once a month. and when they do it’s pretty much the woman is just suffering through it. how do you think that makes the guy feel? insecure, jealous, unattractive, and unloved. we feel all those things just the same as women. so you don’t like porn, is that because you don’t feel comfortable with it? talk to him. maybe you can slip him a note and tell him naughty little things. there is a sexual energy that has to be satisfied. a build up of it can lead to frustration, anger, and a loss of interest. men associate sex with love. he wants to have sex with you cause he loves you. he is attracted to you because he loves you. good luck!

Gabby December 17, 2008, 9:21 AM

@ EastCoastMan. You have just proven the point that many women on here are trying to make. You just like all of the other men STILL cheated on her even after she gave you what you needed. Her skills and advice did not work on you or any of the hundreds of men that she slept with. She is not even married so how is she qualified to give marital advice. Men don’t walk from her…they run from her (of course after they get some).

Yes she does have a lot of people talking because she likes drama, controversy and attention. I must admit that she is good at causing drama. Follow her on twitter, you will see what I mean. It’s pretty sad.

swash1 December 17, 2008, 9:29 AM

I know I am late but I could not resist, I had to comment. I have to agree with Karrine. Whether she’s been married or not, kept a man or not it’s all irrelevant this is about the truth. Men are very sexual and if you’re a wife you’d better take care of your man, or someone else will. Don’t be fooled into believing the myth that a way to a mans heart is through his stomach, lol, maybe before viagra, but NO, men want good sex, and from my understanding they want it from the one they love more than anything else. I am not being naive either, I don’t feel like my self esteem is low, I am just being a realist, it is 2009 ladies, time to get with the program. Sex isn’t anything to be scared of, be free, experiment. porn may not do it for you, but shoot something else might, how would you know if you don’t try! i have been married for just over a year, but i’ve been with the same man for 16 years and the sex is still BOMB! that is because I am down for whatever, we go out of our way to please each other, thats whats its really about, give and take… I don’t like everything he likes and vice versa, but at least we are open minded enough to try different things! This is a fantastic article and Karrine I believe you have earned your right to write it! thanks and keep them coming!

Rahel rockets December 17, 2008, 11:16 AM

Back off I said back off her. She is telling the truth if you married women only took some time to LISTEN then mabye you wouldnt be so dissapointed in your man in the end. 90 percent of the men that come to see me (a exotic stripper)(yep that’s me hehe)90 percent ARE MARRIED. That my friends is the truth and sometimes we don’t like to hear the truth do we but we can’t lie to ourselves deep down we know it’s true. Just try being a little bit more open minded and the benefit from that is your own success in whatever it is you try to persue.

EastCoastMan December 17, 2008, 11:51 AM

@ Gabby: I was 20 at the time. She was 23. We were both too young, emotionally, for marriage but I see that, like most women who talk too much and listen too little, you missed the point. So, thanks for proving mine.


Gabby December 17, 2008, 1:48 PM

@ EastCoastMan - you have no point (if you are even a man), probably Superhead feeling the need to stick up for herself undercover. If you were really a man, why are you on Momlogic? Right…

Back to the topic at hand. There is nothing wrong with porn, or strippers or spicing up your marriage (me and my honey do that all the time, including strip clubs). The point is give advice on what you know…like giving head. You have no idea what it takes to make a marriage work considering that you are a home wrecker.

Melissa December 17, 2008, 2:12 PM

Okay let me start off by saying that I feel SOOOOO sorry for Karrine and what that little boy might be exposed to. Now I would HOPE that any decent mother would do her dirt and have her men AWAY from her child….but with this wild one…you NEVER know. I am a Newlywed, my husband and I have been married for 8 months, and I know that I have some of the same struggles as other women…..self-image. I know that my husband loves ME and ONLY ME….and the LAST thing I want to do is pervert my marriage with that foolishness. Now dont me wrong I am ALL about keeping it spicy….even though I have a hard time with it sometimes, I believe in keeping my man happy and he believes in keeping me VERY happy :) There are so many other things people can do to maintain the spark and spice in the bedroom. My husband and I jhave our own convictions and beliefs and there are certain things we would NEVER do mainly because we would be terribly uncomfortable…..and that includes watching other men and women in the “act”. As a woman we have sooo many things that turn a man on body parts, the way they move, things we say and do….etc. the list can go on and on. But I refuse to take advice from someone like her because she doesnt believe the same things I do, she doesnt have the same concerns and convictions that I do…..and that perfectly fine. The people that she “entertains” enjoy it and thats their business….I just hope that some naive women dont take her blog as “advice or insight”. Its utter ridiculousness and FOOLISHNESS. Im sure woman of all ages and status visit this webite, its just sad they have to read such TRASH.

Me, myself, and I December 17, 2008, 2:27 PM

I have actually tried this and it works. When you become a part of the fantasy you eliminate so many other obstacles. Men won’t become addicted to porn if you make it a part of your exciting sex life. He’ll be addicted to you because you are not inhibited to trying new things w/ him. Men only hide ISH when they think you be appauled by it. I may have more XXX flicks than my man does.

yani December 17, 2008, 2:33 PM

That heifer AINT married…..but she IS knocked up!!! I mean c’mon how many REAL celebrities hide their marriage. I mean nobody is saying set up cameras in your home to watch you 24/7….but when you “cant reveal your husband and pregnancy”….thats a HUGE problem!! That poor girl lives in a Fairytale…..and EastCoastMan…..GET A LIFE!!! I mean how you gon’ come to a MOMLOGIC site and air your “alleged engagemet” to that chick?!?!?! that is SOOOO STUPID!!!

Jeanie December 17, 2008, 6:52 PM

I have a question…and this is coming from a white girl…what makes this girl any different from like a Pamela Anderson or maybe Kate Moss or any of the white women who do worse things that she ever has? I have a black stepmom so we talked about this and it’s interesting how black women aren’t allowed to do what white women do without taking a beating. So I Googled her right, and NOT one white or general press outlet or blog had anything bad to say about Karrine Steffans. Even NEWSWEEK treated her well. Only the black blogs or the rap related stuff are hard on her and other black women. My stepmom is a professor and one of her students wrote a great paper about these differences and used Karrine Steffans as an example. Anyway, maybe someone here can tell me what you think the difference is?

Brooke December 17, 2008, 7:48 PM

I actually think Jean’s husband has a secret fantasy of Karrine. For him to have such an opinion of what Karrine has done in her past seems very suspicious.

swash1 December 18, 2008, 11:34 AM


I think black women still have some catching up to do “sexually” to white women, I am a black woman, who feels very “free” sexually. I have a lot of white friends who feel the same. I notice alot of black women my age or younger (30) are much more open with their sexuality, than the older black women. Now I am no psychologist or anything but I am sure self image and sex education have alot to do with that. You can put your own reasons in the blank spaces, but that about sums it up.

Ya'll Trippin December 18, 2008, 12:05 PM

Actually Yani——Janet Jackson did it…but maybe you don’t consider her a “REAL” celebrity?

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