Guest blogger Brice: I loved seeing all the little girls dressed up at the ballet -- until I heard them whining during the second act.
"The Nutcracker" and children -- I get it. It's a time for little girls to pretend that they are ballerinas and get completely lost in a beautiful fairy land. As it was my first time seeing "The Nutcracker," I was eagerly anticipating watching a Russian ballet company perform the classic.
BUT -- and I am sure Tchaikovsky would agree -- his beautiful score was not complemented by your kids telling you that they need to go pee. After last night, I am firmly convinced of one thing: The ballet is NOT. FOR. CHILDREN.
My Reasons (and please listen closely):
1. A ballet is usually about a two-and-half hour performance at night. Since you know your spawn are going to get cranky when they're up past their bedtime, why waste an $80 orchestra seat?? I'm sure that some dance lover in the mezzanine would love to take your place -- and those of us around you would love to be spared the extra noise.
2. Newsflash: Saying "shhhhhh!" really loudly doesn't help -- it only creates an auditorium full of other shushes, accompanied by giggles from the immature.
3. I know that you want to dress them up in their holiday outfits with the bows, dresses and kiddie tights. I hate to break it to you, but kiddie tights just make your girls uncomfortable, which (God forbid) leads to more whining. I know they don't make pantsuits for little girls, but you may want to reconsider their wardrobe before bringing them out in public.
4. If your kids are crying TAKE. THEM. OUTSIDE! Trying to soothe them as they're wailing isn't helping me enjoy the talent onstage. And you're ruining everyone else's experience too.
5. Last, but certainly not the least, letting your child attempt balletic moves while standing on auditorium seat is not only stupid, but dangerous. The last thing I would want to see is them falling and getting a "boo-boo," for the following reasons: 1. The crying would be louder than the musical score and 2. Blood doesn't usually come out of seat cushions. I would hate for some unsuspecting patron to sit on your child's blood stain during the next performance.