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Abortion Saved My Life

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One mom says her decision to terminate her pregnancy years ago made her a better parent today.

Abortion rights supporters demonstrate in front of the U.S. Supreme Court
momlogic's Momstrosity: Today marks the 36th anniversary of Roe v. Wade. The landmark Supreme Court decision legalized abortion back in 1973. But back in 1985, as a 19-year-old college student, I wasn't really aware of the historic legal battle that allowed me to visit a Planned Parenthood and terminate my unplanned, unwanted pregnancy. All I knew at that time was that I was in no way prepared to be a parent.

Back then, I was living with my boyfriend and five other roommates in giant Victorian in San Francisco. The relationship with the boy was barely stable -- he had cheated on me a couple times -- and my sense of self was barely developed. I hadn't even declared a major at my college. I certainly wasn't using birth control. I was by all intents and purposes still a child. Even the responsibility of properly caring for a baby growing in my womb would've been too much for me. Adoption wouldn't have been an option, either. At that point in my life, I was more interested in going to parties, ditching class, and doing plenty of drinking and smoking. Not the best way nurture a pregnancy or a child. Then, many, many years later, I grew up. 

I waited until I was almost 40 to finally become a mother. And even with all the age and wisdom that comes with living four decades, parenting is still a huge challenge. I can't imagine how a mere teenager would be equipped to handle motherhood.

I often wonder what my life would've been like for me and that child who would be twenty-four years old by now. I am quite sure life would have been hard for both of us. Would that guy who was cheating on me have stuck around to help out? Doubtful. Would a 19-year-old with no marketable skills been able to support herself and baby alone? Probably not. I suppose I might've moved back home ... but, at the time, my parents and I weren't really on the best of terms. I certainly wouldn't have been able to complete my college education. Because I didn't have a child in my teens, I was able to graduate college, follow my dreams and travel the world. These are all life experiences I can pass on to my daughter today. For that, I am so grateful to have had the choice.

My previous abortion isn't something I am proud of, exactly, but I wouldn't change it for the world. If it wouldn't have happened, I wouldn't be married to my husband and I wouldn't be living the life I am now. Most importantly, I wouldn't have my beautiful 3-year-old daughter. Choosing to terminate a pregnancy over twenty years ago has made me treasure motherhood even more so today.


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42 comments so far | Post a comment now
Sean January 22, 2009, 7:14 PM

Abortion certainly didn’t fare well for your unborn baby’s life…

Anonymous January 22, 2009, 7:41 PM

Actually it did…u did read the part where she said she was more interested in drinking and smoking right?! Get over the self rightousness. If your so concerned with life, go adopt a child that is already alive and stop worrying about the ones who know nothing about what it’s like to live with the knowledge that no one loves them.

L.A.M.B. January 22, 2009, 8:24 PM

It’s sad that you think because you chose not to give a helpless unborn child a voice, you are a better, happier, more fulfilled and educated woman because of it. You could not be more wrong, I know a great deal of brave women who chose a baby’s life over “going to parties, ditching classes, and doing plenty of drinking and smoking” as you put. Some of the MOST successful, courageous and educated women were single mothers who chose a more difficult path and are significantly stronger, more fulfilled women because of it. The fact that your blog is titled “Abortion Saved My Life” is just so sad. Children are the greatest gift, you should know now that you are a mother. I’m only sorry you had to wait all these years to realize it. That 24 year old you chose to terminate could have made a great difference to our world, could have been president…I am glad Ann Dunham Soetoro did not make such a selfish decision, President Obama’s single Mom!

Wendi January 22, 2009, 8:32 PM

This is really simple, it was a life that was ended that day that you made the decision. My heart breaks to think that a woman who has the GIFT to give life would want to end a life.

I can not believe that a woman, even a teen could be so selfish as to say that partying is more important than caring for the life that she created. Then to say oh I’ll just go and get rid of it. Like it is old shoes or something. I would think that your heart would break even more looking at your current child, knowing that you took a childs life already. Knowing that you could have had all the joys that you are having now. Don’t use money as an excuse, I was a single mom and did it just fine. You learn to manage and just love that child.

I courious to know if you will one day tell that little girl you have now that you killed their older sibling because you didn’t want to be tied down??

joy January 22, 2009, 8:47 PM

Rarely am I disgusted by a post. You seem to be proud of the fact that you were having sex WITHOUT protection, and because you took NO precautions, the life that you were blessed with you threw away so you could continue to be a ” typical ” college student.
We wonder why we have a society where college students get pregnant and throw the kids in the trash, where grammar and high school kids are shooting each other..it is because of the throwaway mentality that you are highlighting..no personal responsiblity for anything,no ablity to be held accountable.
You should of thought about how marketable you were or why you were sleeping with someone you knew to be a cheater..
I am glad my wonderfully loving mother who got pregnant with me at 19 was stronger than you..she went to school at night for five years, worked like a dog and then met a wonderful man who accepted her and her child..me..
I hope your child values life more than you do.

MamaG January 22, 2009, 9:12 PM

The title of that is a huge lie! Abortion did not save your life! And it ended the life of another!
I understand your points that you were not prepared to be a single mother at that time, but maybe you should have thought about that before becoming pregnant! Then you gave absolutely no VALID reason why you had to have an abortion or why you could not have adopted that child out to someone who desperately wanted one. That child could have been a dream come true for someone and could have had a happy fulfilled life with parents who adored her. It is unbelievable to me that you have absolutely no feeling of remorse for being so selfish and narcissistic! (But maybe you truly do and you are trying to hide that!)

Anon January 23, 2009, 12:43 AM

While I personally do not believe in abortion, I do believe that it is a personal choice. If God, the greatest of creaters, gave us free will, then we do not have the right to take away someone elses free choice. This is one topic that is between the person and God. It is not for us to judge, but to pray.

Anonymous January 23, 2009, 12:56 AM

I totally agree Anon. Americans are such hyprocrites!!! We are digusted by people who Choose to have an abortion or lord forbid they harm an animal. But we will applaud a president who starts a war- killing innocent people, stand up for the death penalty, cheat, lie and steal. All sins are the same in God’s eye. And a person’s actions is between that person and their God. Should true Christians judge people or should they point out the fact that an action is wrong and then pray for them.

Becky January 23, 2009, 1:19 AM

It disappoints me that someone would say that we do not have the right to take away someone’s free choice as a means to explaining why you are Pro-Abortion. What about that child’s CHOICE! It was taken without regret. That is disgusting. Didn’t you read how many times Kristen used me or I?! Over 10 in 5 short paragraphs How self centered! We should spend more time thinking about consequences and how those consequences will affect others! Kristen, you made the choice to have sex with a not so great BF, unprotected. You made the choice to party and you made the choice to KILL your “beautiful 3-year-old” daughter’s equally beautiful sister or brother.

Uly January 23, 2009, 1:30 AM

So, y’all are all vegetarians, right? Because I guarantee you that that pig or that chicken has more brains than the vast majority of aborted fetuses.

Ella C. January 23, 2009, 3:05 AM

How sad that so many women in this world can’t have children and then so many who can just abort theirs like it’s nothing! You can have a closed adoption and allow another person (perhaps a woman who can’t have her own) to raise your child! If you “choose” to have sex, you should have enough sense to “choose” to use protection and birth control and if you are raped there is the morning after pill (at least in this state). It’s pretty simple! I’m not judging, I’m just speaking the truth. I have several friends who have aborted their babies and they all regret it so “think” before you make a “choice” like that because no matter how badly you regret it later, you can never take it back and even if you don’t worry about it in a few weeks, months or years doesn’t mean you never will!

Ylandz_009 January 23, 2009, 6:06 AM

Think before having s**, are you ready to look after a family, ready to handle your childs needs and ready to be a parent, if you are not qualified dont have s**, you are just murdering more tisues that are actually living

Lori January 23, 2009, 6:20 AM

Roe v. Wade has saved the lives of thousands of woman for the last thirty six years. Desperate people do desperate things and a young woman with no financial resources, no family support and limited emotional maturity will do something desperate if she faces having an unwanted baby. The real issue, people? If we make abortion illegal, it will go back to the back alleys and desperate women will die. In the 1970’s, my mother was on the verge of divorce from my philandering father when she found out she was pregnant. She was blindfolded, taken to an empty building and given some aspirin. God only knows, she’s lucky she lived to tell about it. Whether abortion is a safe, legal medical procedure or a back alley illegal procedure run by thugs is the real choice here, folks.

ashley January 23, 2009, 7:23 AM

I absolutely agree with Uly and Lori. You all act like she has murdered someone. The way I was raised, we believe that until it takes it first breath…. I had an abortion. It was 2 days after my 19th bday. The boy was younger than me, he was stupid. We had been broken up so I stopped taking my pill but we still had a few late night booty calls and I got preggo. First sem in college, dumb ex boyfriend, freaked out parents. Definately not ready for a baby. If I had gone through with it then I would not be married to the man I am now with 2 wonderful beutiful kids. I think it’s better to have an unwed mother have an abortion than to bring a child into an unstable home and then get on welfare and struggle.

Julie January 23, 2009, 7:45 AM

So u didn’t have to marry that boy that got u “preggo” or raise the kid, Ashley! Ever heard of adoption? Good Lord! And u stopped taking ur pill but had booty calls? Wtf? Really bright! If it has a beating heart….! And Uly, so what? A pig is not a fetus/human! Big difference between a pig and a person! I hope u realize that!

Anonymous January 23, 2009, 8:30 AM

sometimes i forget how judgmental people can be, but all these posts have reminded me. i’m all for it a “woman’s choice” as long as it isn’t a form of birth control. i once knew a girl who had 5 abortions….and she was only 18! that is wrong….but who am i to judge? that is between her and god. now with the fact that abortion is such a touchy topic i usually stay out of those conversastions…opinions are like a$$holes…everyone has one and they usually stink!

maeby January 23, 2009, 9:10 AM

these anti-choice women are so hilarious. They tell you to put the baby up for adoption, yet THEY DONT HAVE ADOPTED CHILDREN. Do you know how many children live in a childrens home? barely cared for. is that the kind of life you want for a child?
I’m sorry but a ZYGOTE is not a baby. It cant feel or hear or understand. its just a bundle of cells. If you abort it, guess what? IT CANT FEEL IT. it has NO VOICE cuz it cant speak!

In a weird twist (somewhat) i am against abortions once the fetus can feel pain and dodge a needle or vacuum or whatever they use.

Wendi January 23, 2009, 10:26 AM

I have got to point something out. It was said in one of the posts, “as long as it is not used for birth control.” Well that is exactly what these women do. They do not want to bother using any other method so if they get pregnant they can just abort. That is what is wrong in this world these days. There are no morals taught and life does not mean anything to anyone anymore. It is very sad.
It really is not that hard to either not have sex or just use protection. The fact that these “women” are getting pregnant and having abortions just tells me that they should not even be thinking about having sex, no matter what age they are. It shows that emotionally they are not ready for it. They need to grow up and accept the consequences of their actions. Not just think it will go away.

Anonymous January 23, 2009, 12:00 PM

well wendi, what i meant by “not a form of birth control” is that you are on the pill and get pregnant. she obviously wasn’t using protection, which we ALL agree is stupid. but she said she wasn’t ready to be a mother….would you rather her be another casey anthony???? or andrea yates????? it’s not like she had 5 abortions…she had one. its not like you NEVER made a mistake in your perfect life????

Just Me January 23, 2009, 12:59 PM

Kristen, thanks for sharing your story. You dared to speak honestly about your personal experiences regarding a very touchy topic knowing full well that many readers would bash you for it. Even though you were prepared for negative feedback, I’m sure their words still sting. People are very passionate regarding their views on abortion and see it as either right or wrong. But there IS a grey area that only women who have had to confront the issue personally can fully understand.


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