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Are You An Insecure B*tch?

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Happy New Year to all -- and for those with resolutions of physical or emotional betterment, Happy New You!

woman looking in the mirror

Guest Blogger Karrine Steffans: After getting some of you riled up with my past series of posts about porn and strippers, I realized how many of us are riddled and overwrought with insecurities, hate and spite.

We make resolutions to change our bodies and habits this time of year because we find fault in them. And though it seems natural to yearn for better and more, some of us have unhealthy and unrealistically stagnant views about our lives and ourselves. Some of us are self-loathers who wallow in our lack of physical and emotional currency and project our insecurities and inadequacies onto others in order to feel better about ourselves. Sometimes, it's a complete stranger and other times, it's those closest to us, our men even.

If this is you, your husband has either checked out or is on the verge. Men love confident, secure women with a purposeful sense of self and a complimentary spirit -- a woman who is so secure in herself that she possesses no loathing and cannot speak an ill word toward others.

Remember, the words you speak are a clear reflection of your soul and of your own happiness.

Keep your relationship strong or help save a dwindling romance by being kind and nonjudgmental toward others, yourself and your mate. Take pride in your life and body, establish and accomplish your goals and practice being an all-around better woman this year.

Get right with yourself -- and your man will follow suit.

All this and more can be found in The Vixen Manual: How to Find, Seduce and Keep the Man You Want, July 2009. Visit me at Karrine.com for more.



next: New Year's Resolutions Suck!
62 comments so far | Post a comment now
Schae January 7, 2009, 11:15 AM

I AM REALLY THINKING THAT KARRINE AND HER PEOPLE ARE IN CONTROL @ MY SAY

anonymus January 7, 2009, 12:26 PM

PREACH!!!!

Schae January 7, 2009, 12:26 PM

I love the fact that women have their own opinions, since we did fight for rights to have a voice. But just like she has a voice, so do I. I read the previous posts and i have even had a conversation with other women about it and there are just some of us women that do things differently. I am happy in the way I chose to live my life, I have made some mistakes which help shape and mold me into the woman that i am today. I am respected, educated, loving and loved. I am evolved and evolving more each day…And I personally feel like some things are a set back for women. As a wife, no one can teach me about being a GOOD wife unless she is or has been a GOOD wife. I wish KS the best of luck in her endeavors but I am not convinced nor am I a “hater”. Peace & Blessings to all and remember to think for yourselves. No one knows you, your family or YOUR MAN better than YOU.

CJ January 7, 2009, 4:21 PM

Insecure women were at one time insecure teenagers, adolescents, and toddlers. It is learned behavior that stems from being around negative and judgmental people. Alot of people who have these issues don’t even know it until you bring it up to them.

Confidence is silent.

There is a huge difference between commanding respect and demanding respect. Your presence simply commands respect when you are worthy of it. You don”t have to beg for it.

Most women are not insecure in regards to their husbands and whats going on in their marriage. It is just so fashionable now to get divorced and in the eyes of society “you’re losing your sense of self” if you stay and work it out. If you choose to divorce you’re strong but if you stay you are weak or insecure of being alone. I think its the other way around. But I’m no expert.

Go figure.

Mya January 7, 2009, 5:24 PM

Great Post

Alexa January 7, 2009, 5:26 PM

“Remember, the words you speak are a clear reflection of your soul and of your own happiness.”

Well you must be looking in the mirror…

“I realized how many of us are riddled and overwrought with insecurities, hate and spite.”

shawty January 7, 2009, 5:32 PM

I dont understand how some women read this and get all heated….the moral to this story is “Confidence is Key” and you’re a dumb broad if you dont believe that this is some serious for real, REAL TALK

iLLNiNi23 January 7, 2009, 6:04 PM

♥ it! WELL PUT!

DeeDub January 7, 2009, 6:48 PM

I am not sure that I like this article. In fact, I am positive that I do not. She seems to be promoting confidence, which is a good thing, but at the same time is subtly implying that if you have negative feelings towards stripping for or watching porn with your man, you must be riddled with insecurities. In fact, I feel that the opposite is true. A woman who resorts to stripping for her man merely to keep him must not value herself enough to know that the love her man feels for her does not stem from, and end in, the bedroom. A confident, secure woman would be willing to allow her man to watch other women bring their value down to mere dollars, while at the same time realizing that this does not diminish her sex appeal in any way. I am not saying that if YOU as a woman are stripping to please your man and are happy doing it (and it my even be your idea :)), that means you have low self esteem and low confidence or self worth. What I am saying is that those women whose self worth is tied with not stripping, need not ignore that feeling merely to keep their men, and that for Karrine to associate that with insecurities is, well, fallacious.

Schae January 7, 2009, 7:19 PM

GO DEEDUB…and a chich with a name like shawty keeps some brown on her nose. Its about having ur own opinion. nobody HATES anyone in here. u have a right to speak ur OWN mind and it doesnt make u a HATER for having ur own opinion. Learn about being an individual and not a follower bcz thats a classic sign of insecurity…shawty or should I say Karrine.

justi January 7, 2009, 8:21 PM

okay. i think this article would be halfway decent if it wasnt for the fact that it is riddled with Karrine’s own insecurities. if she would have left out all her attempts at condemning those who simply hold differing views, she may have seemed like someone who was writing a genuine blog/article and not someone who is trying to take a nice-nasty, or passive-aggressive approach in combating against those that dont agree with her. people are entitled to their opinions. she needs to take her heart off of her sleeve and put it back in her chest. try again karrine!

MochaButterfly January 7, 2009, 8:29 PM

I completly agree. Confidence is the key.

dime January 7, 2009, 9:44 PM

I don’t get it? New year’s resolutions do not in any way show that a person is weak change does not show that a person is weak it sometimes show maturity.

freddy f-cker January 7, 2009, 11:39 PM

This is such bs. In reality we all have some insecurities, the fact is if we didnt we wouldnt be human. Unlike some you have to learn to fake it to make it thru life without being called an insecure little b-tch!

LudaCrys January 8, 2009, 12:08 AM

So what I gathered from this is that SOME of us are so insecure with ourselves that we tend to become haters. Insecurities in general aren’t a bad thing; we’re all human and it happens. The problem is when we are so unhappy with ourselves that we go around looking sideways at strangers for no reason and getting into stupid fights because someone looked at our significant other for too long. We ALL have issues with ourselves, so we should keep them at that and not project them onto others. Knowing you’re not perfect is knowing that you are unique and individually wonderful. Just be happy being yourself; it takes way too much energy to be someone else anyway.



Schae January 8, 2009, 2:50 AM

JUSTI…I COULDNT AGREE WITH U MORE. AND I THINK ITS SAD WHEN GROWN AZZ PEOPLE ARE STILL USING THE WORD “HATERS”. ADULTS KNOW THAT HAVING A DIFFERENCE OF OPINION DOESNT MAKE YOU A “HATER”. IT MAKES YOU….YOU. AN INDIVIDUAL AND THOUGH SOMETIMES WOMEN WILL AGREE WITH EACH OTHER, THERE ARE TIMES WHEN WE DISAGREE. SO IF MY FRIEND IS ON DRUGS AND I DONT AGREE WITH THAT, THAT MAKES ME A HATER? OR IF MY CO-WORKER IS CHEATING ON HER HUSBAND WITH A YOUNGER GUY WITHOUT PROTECTION AND I TELL HER THAT SHE NEEDS TO CHCK HERSELF…THAT MAKES ME A HATER? NOPE…IT SIMPLY MEANS THAT ITS TIME FOR YOU TO CHECK YOUR OWN SH!T.

yani January 8, 2009, 12:22 PM

karrine is NOT qualified to speak on ANYTHING that has ANYTHING to do with empowering and the betterment of women. we all know how that “career” of hers got started, and the last thing she should be doing is giving ANY advice to any woman with any sense and mind of her own.

Chelle January 8, 2009, 5:38 PM

This is exactly why we as people can never get ahead, we hold the past against eachother too much! So what if she has a past and started off on the wrong past. She made it known to all of us. So does that mean she is deserving of a life of gloom from here on out? If God held against us everything we did in our past we’d be in trouble. What about Mary Magdalen, she was a prostitute and Jesus forgave her and she was right along with him! Who are we to judge this woman, the same way we judge we shall be judged and that is not opinion that is biblical! I think we should all lay off this woman and look at ourselves. I know all of your vajayjay walls are not squeaky clean, and you all probably have skeletons of your own. The only difference is she exposed hers and it happened to make her a few dollars while you all live in shame (which is of the devil anyway). Just because this lady has a past doesn’t mean she shouldn’t have success and a fruitful life from here on out. If she continues on the path to destruction, that’s between her and God and none of you bitter, judgmental people’s business! If you don’t like her or support her, stop following her and reading her materials!

Anonymous January 9, 2009, 12:55 AM

It makes no sense trying to rationalize an irrational person like Karrine. Stop wasting your time here and go comment on a REAL author.

Anonymous January 9, 2009, 12:58 AM

If she was as secure as she pretends to be she wouldn’t need to screen the messages. Total BS.


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