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Dad's 12 Ways to Keep New Year's Resolutions

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Guest blogger Paul Starke: It's right around now that most well-intentioned people have kissed their new year's reslotions goodbye. Their will has broken and they've had that cigarette, that doughnut, or that marathon session of online pornography. Not me! This year, I set the bar a bit lower, and made some realistic goals for myself. Here now, "12 Easy to Keep New Year's Resolutions for Dads."

man watching tv

1. Cancel my gym membership: Since I got married a year and a half ago, I've been to the gym zero times. I always felt guilty. Not for being lazy, but for still paying the monthly fee to sit on my ass.

2. Try new, exotic fast foods: I shall start with Burger King's deliciously scary new "Angry Whopper."

3. Save money for the baby: by not buying anything new for my wife. For Valentine's Day, I'll be making her a card and giving her some expired sinus medication.

4. Take it easier: Chores can be stressful. And stressed-out dads are really more of a burden than a help, right? I resolve to nap more and do less in '09.

5. Stop smoking crack: I've never even seen crack, so this should be a pretty easy one to do...

6. Upgrade our family home entertainment system: The world is so much better in High Definition. Sure, what I spent on the TV and Blu-Ray player could've gone to, you know, food, but I think the baby appreciates the TV more.

7. Pretend to be a better listener: I can do a better job of fake listening to my wife recount her day. I know I can.

8. Spend more time outdoors: Unless it's cold or a wintry mix. Or if it's too hot. Or if there's something good on.

9. Buy a new toothbrush: Bristles aren't supposed to be beige, are they?

10. Never go to sleep angry: I will just stay awake angry instead.

11. Change more diapers: Actually, this should be on the "12 Resolutions I'll Never Keep" list.

12. Spend every waking minute playing with my son, looking at him and thinking I'm the luckiest guy in the world -- actually, this is the easiest one of all.

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3 comments so far | Post a comment now
Anonymous January 9, 2009, 3:55 PM

i love your posts!

Wendi January 10, 2009, 12:48 AM

That was so funny, my hubby and sat in bed watching our HDTV laughing about this.

Nneiynfd June 28, 2009, 11:03 PM

AvzRBL comment1 ,

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