I'm married but let me tell you something, I miss the days when I was single, alone and depressed.
Radical Mommy: Now before all you moms out there get your size 8 knickers into a twist because I'm saying that I wish I were single again, let me get ONE thing straight. I love my husband and my child more than life itself and I am beyond grateful that I have them in my life.
That being said, though, I actually miss the loneliness and sadness that you occasionally feel when you're single and not dating anyone. I'm not talking about being depressed BECAUSE you're not dating someone, I'm talking about being alone and having the time to actually spend a few minutes in negative thoughts. I'm talking about having the chance to actually wallow in a little self pity. I'm talking about having the chance to be depressed and NOT have to put on a happy face whenever your baby walks into the room.
The thing I miss the VERY most is sitting on the back step of my little apartment, smoking a cigarette in the cold night air and just .... thinking. Thinking about where I am in my life, where I want to go and what I might have passed up. I miss being melancholy. I miss listening to the darkness -- without someone breaking the silence with a question or a request. I miss just having the space to be "depressed."
When I was dating my husband, it was a very on-and-off relationship, and we broke up several times before getting married. Looking back, those times during our breakups were some of the most precious times to me. I was alone and I was sad and I spent a lot of time just thinking about myself and my place on the earth. To this day, I credit my alone and sad time to who I have become and sometimes I fear that without it again, I might not become who I want to be. (I have no idea who that is, but maybe if I had some sad alone time, I would!)
Now, if I'm lucky, I get five minutes tops to sit outside in the cold and indulge my angst. Then I head inside, shut the door and bathe in the joy that is having a 4-year-old whose face lights up every time you enter a room ... even if you've only been gone for five minutes.