I Told My Mother to "F*** Off"

I Told My Mother to "F*** Off"

Friday, January 9, 2009

filed under: relationship logic

For most of us, talking back to our mothers is a no-no. And telling her to "f*** off," well that's just unheard of! But, not for this mom ...

Guest blogger Samantha: Growing up as an only child to a single mother, there were definitely some blurred boundaries. My mother and I always had an extremely strong bond -- like sisters. But as close and sometimes unconventional our relationship was, there was never a moment of doubt for me, or anyone else that knew us, that I was the very most important thing in my mother's entire life. At a very young age, we became the best of friends -- and we fought like best friends.

Like most households, children get annoyed and angry with their parents and the parents get annoyed and angry with their children. Some discipline with time outs, some shout, some scream, others hit. In my house, we (mostly me) slammed doors, hung up phones and told my mom to "f*** off." It's true. I said, and still do sometimes say some horrible things to her. And sometimes, yes sometimes, my mom hangs up on me or says things back to me that probably sound awful (on paper).

I'm not proud that my mother and I speak this way to each other once in a while, but I also don't think it's the end of the world either. You see, as crazy and inappropriate as our language may be, I really just see them as "fighting words." I don't plan on talking to my own children this way and certainly hope that they show a little more respect for me than I do my own mother, but I also am a realist.

There will come a day that my daughter tells me she hates me or that my son hangs up on me. I think people need to stop acting so shocked that a parent/child relationship like this can exist. It doesn't mean we love each other any less and I don't think it makes us more dysfunctional then the nuclear "Leave it To Beaver" families that have way darker, more serious issues than a mother and daughter who mostly fight because their hormones are raging. I know my mother doesn't really think I'm a "b*tch" and I know that within an hour or so of telling her she's so annoying, we'll be talking on the phone again and making plans to see each other -- after all, we do talk about three to five times a day.

13 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

Seriously? You think it’s okay to tell your mother to f*** off? How about some counseling so you can learn to control your anger and not say horrible things to those you love. Sounds like a family pattern, actually, one that, when broken, will look ridiculous in hindsight.

- Lori

Posted 01/09/09 06:26 AM

My husband and his mother have this type of relationship. He is an only child and his parents divorced when he was 3. He has been so dependant on her up until the last few years. He talks to her like that. Not as much anymore. But apparantly, according to his dad, my mil and her mother used to get into catfights. You would never ever suspect if you looked at this two ladies, who are extremely proper and mannerly and both proffessors at a University and one sat on the board. I couldn’t believe it. As for me, my mom and I have had our fights. I think I have called her a B to her face maybe twice and told her to F off only once. It made her cry. We talk every day now and never fight.

- ashley

Posted 01/09/09 08:09 AM

I think it is terrible to talk to your Mother that way. Even if you are angry it really shows you do not respect her as a human being and especially a MOM. Words can never be taken back, and they can hurt deeper than you think. It is not old fashioned to be respectful. And being respectful shows more love than just saying what comes out. Sheila

- sheila

Posted 01/09/09 04:21 PM

I thought for a few minutes after reading this. I’m 40 and can not remember being angry at my Mother as an adult. Looking back at my teen years and childhood, if I was mad at her, it was because I wanted to do something I shouldn’t be doing or had done such. I can’t imagine swearing at my mother.

- ame i.

Posted 01/09/09 06:21 PM

Get over it people, you can’t accept that some families exist just fine like this b/c you have not lived it. Me and mom screamed at each other just like this women and her mom and we get alongv fine, honestly the thing that always seemed to upset her was when i would call her by name instead of mom and i wasn’t even doing it on purpose just came out naturally.

- N

Posted 01/10/09 01:37 AM

Respect is missing in a lot of relationships in a lot of ways. I would never talk like this to my mother, out of respect. In honesty, I’ve never even considered it. She doesn’t inspire that type of thing anyway.

- tammigirl

Posted 01/19/09 11:34 PM

Respect comes in different forms and language is nothing more than intent. If the specific words used between individuals are meant to say - you’ve really angered me then it really doesn’t matter if it’s f-off or you’ve really angered me. You had your own rules in your relationship with your mother and just because it doesn’t fit the “status quo” it doesn’t mean it was wrong. What matters is that your behavior was merely a need to relieve tension and draw boundaries and that you both know it rather than an intent to show disrepect or hate. Don’t let them kid you, each of these responders have had the same experienc they’ve just chosen different rules and language.

- Angela

Posted 01/19/09 11:48 PM

“I’m not proud that my mother and I speak this way to each other once in a while…” THEN STOP DOING IT. I guess my mother put the fear of God in me early enough to not even think about talking to her that way.

- Lisa Maria Carroll

Posted 01/20/09 12:36 AM

You sound pretty normal to me. It is totally possible to be a good person (and this counts for nice, well-to-do, educated, middle class people too) and lose your rag at your mum every now and again.

- London Babymomma

Posted 01/20/09 03:05 AM

Oh please, lisa maria carroll dont bring your god into this. it has nothing to do with it. my mom and I yell at each other. I dont believe have ever said a curse word to her, for fear of being hit by my dad.

- Desiree

Posted 01/20/09 03:57 AM

You say you don’t plan on having this type of relationship with your children, but guess what? Your children WILL speak to you this way because that’s what they see. If you want them to have more respect for you, you need to start showing your mom more respect RIGHT NOW!

- helc31

Posted 01/20/09 10:20 AM

I’m 37 and I don’t think my mom would hesitate to put my in check if I told her to F off. I’m afraid to say “dag” because it sounds too much like another 4 letter word that starts with d.

- Liz

Posted 01/20/09 11:01 AM

Hi, cool site, good writing ;)

- beteLerceli

Posted 02/09/09 04:32 AM