One thing I learned at my first mammogram: I had no idea my boobs could even get into those positions!

Momlogic's Andrea: I guess nobody likes their breasts mistreated. Bazongas should be respected and handled with care. Try telling that to the woman who administered my first mammogram. Maybe she used to be in the pizza business, because she kneaded my breasties like they were so much dough, clamping them in vices and smashing them like pancakes.

I'm sure I'm complaining about nothing ... I mean it was my first one. I guess I never really asked anyone what it was like. I imagined they just took X-rays of your breasts. You simply lay your boobs down on Xerox machine and press "copy"-- and who hasn't done that at an office party after one too many? Or maybe this woman was having a bad day and decided to take it out on my size 34 Bs. And not a great pair of either. They've been around for four solid decades.

Then the final humilation, right before I put back on my ill-fitting pink hospital supplied cape, she says to me "Is one of your breasts smaller than the other?"

I don't know, I thought, why don't you ask my husband? Better yet, Mrs. Mammogram, you should know yourself since you've touched them more than my betrothed has in the last month.

At the end of the incredibly uncomfortable event, I actually, for a fleeting moment, longed for to visit the OB/GYN instead. At least I know the drill.  "Scoot down, this is going to be cold."

But at least it's over. Now I just have to wait five days for the results sent in a letter. The whole thing sounds ominous and scary. I hope the letter has good news. Because if it doesn't, I know what I'm in store for is way, way, way worst than a little annoying mammogram appointment.