Martha Stewart: Jailhouse lesbian sex romps are not always a good thing.

Normally we only turn to the National Enquirer to get our fix of Alien Abductions, Stars Without Makeup and the always entertaining Best and Worst Beach Bod Stories. Just when we thought things couldn't get any juicier, The Enquirer exceeded our expectations with a report about how even a jailhouse lesbian sex romp couldn't keep Martha Stewart away from working up a sweat of her own.

No, we're not kidding.

In the article, one of Martha's jailhouse buddies, Lisa Guarino, describes the fitness routine that helped Martha lose 10 pounds while she was behind bars. "Martha and I would do crunches at night. I would count in English and Martha would count in French." Mais oui, Martha!

But one workout didn't necessarily go as planned when the ladies allegedly stumbled upon a lesbian sex romp taking place right where the domestic diva usually did her downward dog. Lisa explains, "We were going to the usual room we used and the lights were off, which was odd. Then I looked through the window and I could make out some lesbians having sex. I warned Martha not to go in there, but she said it was our time to exercise, swung open the door, turned on the light and said, 'Chop! Chop! Ladies.'"

Let's just say the lesbians went from passionate to peeved. And according to Lisa, Martha turned into one frightened French-speaking jailbird. But, all's well that ends well as Martha emerged from prison looking fitter than ever and the lesbians once again got free reign of the rec room.