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Eek! Dirty Talk from An Old Flame on Facebook!

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Guest blogger mom-on-the-edge: New Year's and nostalgia go hand-in-hand, which probably explains why an old flame suddenly found me on Facebook. Dec. 31st happens to be his birthday and the same day we met nine years ago. I was at a party in Tahoe and wondered what would happen at midnight. He swooped in and kissed me passionately on the lips. I'll never forget it because then his best friend kissed me too. It totally took me by surprise. Just like this e-mail ...

mom holding a baby watching time square new years eve

"so check this out -- am sitting on baby nap patrol and all I can do is think about you! about the day we met. my mind keeps going back to that night... tasting your sweet wet lips... sitting here with a massive bulge in my shorts thinking of all things I didn't get to do with/to you ... don't you feel bad for me?"

I sat stunned.

1) The guy is married! With kids!
2) He should write romance novels. Sweet wet lips. Massive bulge.
3) He's thinking about ME?

I quickly closed my laptop. It was all too much. I needed time to process. I felt bad for the other mom. I would be so hurt if my husband wrote that to some woman.

I kept the secret to myself.

Just as the clock was about to strike twelve, my son started crying. I took him out of his crib and held him on the couch. Nine! Eight! I looked back at my husband who was on the computer. Seven! Six! I watched the crowd on TV cheering in Times Square. Five! Four! My son fell back to sleep. Three! Two! One! Happy New Year! My husband didn't look up. "It's New Year's!" Nothing. "Aren't you gonna come over and give your wife a kiss?" "Why do I have to?" That's exactly what he said, "Why do I have to?" And, he never got up.

Now, that was the ultimate New Year's kiss ... off.

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7 comments so far | Post a comment now
Complacent January 5, 2009, 3:46 PM

My question to you is why didn’t you go over to him? I ask because, excluding the email from the ex, your New Year’s Eve sounds strikingly familiar. And I didn’t initiate a kiss (or anything else for that matter) either. Seeing it in print made me realize that if he won’t do something to restart the flame then it’s my turn to try. As far as that ex of yours goes… can I just … Thank your lucky stars that HE is NOT your husband.

Teresa January 5, 2009, 4:44 PM

That made me sad. I agree with everything Complacent said. If your dh didn’t initiate something, you should have. Guys a bit dense sometimes (a lot of times).

been there January 6, 2009, 4:09 AM

I have only read a couple of your blogs, but why don’t you leave the jerk? He steals from you, lies, threatens, and refuses to kiss you.
And as far as the other comments go, you tried to start something by asking him to kiss you. You were sitting there holding your child, is it too much for him to walk a couple feet to kiss the mother of his child on new year’s?
I would recomend staying away from that old flame of yours. Once a cheat always a cheat. If he is cheating (even just mentaly and emotionaly) on his current wife, what would he do to you?
I am personaly divorced. I was married to my highschool sweat heart. AS soon as we got married, he had a medication change, and went mental. A lot of changes happened. He no longer wanted to have marital relations. He would spend over 12 hours a day on the computer, and be upset when I went into the computer room to kiss him. He was even upset when I would go in and sit naked on his lap trying to respark something. He would accuse me of spying on him and who he was talking to online. Come to find out he was actually spying on my emails to my frinds, intercepting job offers from companies I was wanting (so I would stay dependent on him), and not giving me many other messages. He was trying to isolate me, which really didn’t work considering how close to my family and friends I am. I was ready to leave him for the emotional abuse, as well as other issues, and then he realy scared me. He told me a bunch of lies (which I knew to be lies) and then held me down on the couch and rammed his tounge down my throat while I struggled against him. I was scared I was going to be raped. I was in shock for the next day. We went to another counceling session, which we had set up prior to the last straw, and he sat there and lied to the councelor, had the shrink believing I was the crazy one, and had the shrink wanting to put me on anti-depresants! As soon as everything sunk into my brain, I made my final decision. When a man goes from being someone you want to touch you, to being someone who makes your skin crawl when he touches you, it is time to get out.
I am telling you all this so that you will know that you aren’t the only woman in a bad situation.
I know that you have a son to think about, but from everything I hear, it is better for a kid to have 2 happy parents who aren’t together than 2 sad parents who are together. If your husband didn’t even try to kiss you on New Year’s, he obviously isn’t going to try to work on this marriage, or he doesn’t see anything wrong with how things are. You need to get out.
Also, do you want your son growing up thinking that this is the right way to treat a wife? You need to make changes in your life that will protect yourself and your son, and the man your son will grow up to be.

tuff love January 6, 2009, 3:34 PM

Ok, I am starting to think that you are making all this stuff up, because no woman would ever stay with a man like yours. hmmm, unless it makes good blog money? Leave the jerk.

meg  January 7, 2009, 11:20 PM

why do you stay with this guy? leave him. you deserve better. i know you have a kid, but your kid is going to get older and start absorbing all the tension between you and your husband. do you still love him after all this? what do you love about him that makes you want to stay? Doing it for your son is not the right thing—be in the marriage because it’s what you want to do—not because you don’t want to have to give your son up every other holiday.

Dawn January 11, 2009, 3:46 PM

Stunned? The flesh eating dude you know on facebook. Did you take that as a complement?

Terry January 29, 2009, 1:51 PM

I felt sick inside when I read your story about New Year’s Eve. I could actually feel it in my heart. There is nothing more lonely than being ignored by your husband. I wasn’t as sensitive about my husband’s attentions until I became a stay-at-home mom. When you leave the workforce after 18 years to stay at home with a child all day w/no interaction it is amazing how low your self-esteem becomes. You start depending so much more on your husband. I love both my son and my husband but it is a tremendous challenge. Good luck. Maybe I would have showed my husband the old flame’s post.

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