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Women Suck as Friends!

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For 20 years, I've had more guy friends than girlfriends -- and I like it that way!

Two men and a woman watching tv

Momlogic's Jen: I learned at a pretty young age that a guy could be just as good and sometimes even better of a friend than most girls. And no, I wasn't a tomboy or boy crazy -- just a drama-free girl trying to enjoy life and have some fun with friends I could connect with.

I have to be honest when I tell you I never really had luck with "girlfriends" because they were always jealous of me and trying to compete with me. They always stabbed me in the back and didn't really understand me at all -- so I found the best group of guy friends a girl could ask for.

I know you're thinking about that "When Harry Met Sally" myth, that it's impossible for girls and guys to have a platonic friendship without sex getting in the way. Well, I did hook up with a couple of them way back in the day, but I also met my amazing, loving, smart and kind husband of nine years through these same guy friends!

Years later, I'm still friends with all of these guys who have become my psuedo-brothers, which is way better than friends with benefits. I consider myself pretty lucky to have 15 guys who are always concerned with my best interests, who make me laugh, who will tell me the honest-to-God truth -- and are my husband's closest friends, too!

My husband encourages me to stay friends with them, and we talk to them separately all the time. I talk to them on my way home from work. When something good or bad happens, I get excited to hear about their new love or a hot date. I'm proud of them when they start a new business or graduate from medical school. And -- guess what -- instead of them competing with me, they are also HAPPY for me when something goes my way! Oh, and the best part?? They never judge me! They know me better than my own siblings!

I know some married couples can't imagine having friendships with the opposite sex, and even frown upon it. I say you are missing out on some of the best friends in the world.

Do you have guy friends? Does it bother your husband that you have friends of the opposite sex? Do you think it's OK?

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10 comments so far | Post a comment now
lisa January 25, 2009, 6:24 AM

This article makes me sad for several reasons. First and foremost, healthy women have the strongest, most binding, loving friendships that could possibly exist, and it is obvious that the author is missing out on that because of her past negative experience.

Secondly, this author is doing women in general an injustice by dismissing us as mainly petty, back-biting, competitive, devious, uncaring, and manipulative… while at the same time generalizing and praising men as non-dramatic, peaceful, honest, caring, and understanding. Unfortunately, there ARE women who fall into the latter category but there are a tremendous amount of men, too, that make drama a daily consumption. And fortunately there ARE men that fall into the former category (I’m lucky enough to have many close male friends including my husband)…

however there are MORE women (and again I stress healthy) than not that fit into this same caring, non-dramatic, understanding, honest category as well. (I happen to be blessed to have an enormous amount of wonderful women in my life, too.) What I can say truthfully is there’s nothing better than sitting around with my best girlfriends… even at age 33… curled up on couches, talking, laughing, crying, and bonding until the wee hours of the night… wrapped up in blankets, warming ourselves by the fire, and eating those sinful snacks.

What I’m afraid this author doesn’t realize is that she’s just met and put her trust/faith into the wrong women in the past. I can only guess that this has something to do with her environment, family experience, and how she learned to gravitate subconsciously toward “friends” at young ages. Her experiences of betrayal were no doubt devastating, as I can relate… I’ve had my share of those horrible moments, too.

There was a time that I, too, prided myself on “not liking other females.” “Who needs ‘em?” I’d sniff indignantly. I was very much in the same thought pattern as this author at the time . That was until I woke up (I think I was in my early 20s) and realized that I was just following blindly to what was laid out before me by our American culture. It wasn’t “special” or “different” to surround myself with men. On the contrary, it was EASIER to make male friends than female friends… especially when you’re heterosexual! Of course hetero men will be “interested” in you… for the same reasons this author lists. How far will they get? What’s the potential here for future sexual activity? At the same time, does this “interest” make it possible to develop an eventual satisfying friendship? Sure! That’s one of the perks of the sexual attraction.

But heterosexual women aren’t going to use those same criteria to develop friendships with other women… there’s no need. So with heterosexual female friendships it’s more about who you are then what you look like or what you can offer in the future. From that perspective, one could argue that the hetero female friendships start out more honestly then hetero male/female friendships.

Thirdly, this article is a real shame because what I believe this author doesn’t realize is that she’s more of the norm than not. That dynamics of our American culture lead us more easily to conclude that men are superior to women in all ways but having a baby. If you don’t believe me, just check out popular TV/radio talk shows/movies/etc. What is glamorized often? “Cat fights,” right? That’s just one example. You can even see this stuff in commercials.

One thing I can offer to this author is that she keep an open mind and figure out what is it about herself that leads her to untrustworthy female friends? If she can become aware and eventually change things/thought patterns within herself then she can set herself up for fabulous, fulfilling female friendships for life.

Kara January 25, 2009, 2:58 PM

Lisa, well put. I have a group of friends (women, obviously) that go above and beyond to be there for each other. We pooled together out limited resources to help a friend that couldn’t afford to take maternity leave. We helped a friend that lived across the ocean (and her husband) with weekly packages of goodies when her husband was dying of cancer. I’ve never seen truer friends, more caring people. Not a jealous, malicious or petty thought among them.

Anonymous January 25, 2009, 8:26 PM

I have six letters for you women - H-A-T-E-R-S. If you actually read the post again these men are like brothers to this woman - brothers she probably never had. Also, from what i can discern, her husband is friends with them too. She’s not saying she HATES women she’s saying she has a lot of women as friends. Maybe women like you (ie:, judgemental) is part of the reason she choses to surround herself with these men. After all ladies, as you know we are the harshest critics of all - and maybe she appreciates the NO Bullsh** approach that many men have.

Celia January 26, 2009, 3:30 AM

I have more male friends than female friends for some of the same reasons. Now, I don’t hate women at all, I know plenty of smart, wonderful women, many of which are great friends. But all the way back to gradeschool, I’ve always related well to the simple, honest friendship of guys. But even though they tend to be a little more drama-free than the gals, plenty of men get into their own power struggles and backstabbing! I love my “sisters” and “brothers” equally, though, and I’m thankful for all of them.

ashley January 26, 2009, 7:42 AM

I always had more guy friends than girls, especially after high school and I had so many stab me in the back. I was the “girlfriend” to the best group of guys for a long time. THey were so sweet and never hit on me even though I know 3 of them wanted to so bad. THen shortly after I met my husband I stopped hanging out with them. I still miss them sometimes. I really didn’t have many good friends for awhile. Didn’t like many girls. Now I am a little older and have made several really good girlfriends.

Anastasia  January 26, 2009, 10:24 AM

I really enjoyed this article, because once you can eliminate fake people guys and girls in your life, the real ones shine. Many times it is the guys in our life. This weekend I went to a house party with all my guy friends. I was the only female there, but I have never felt more relaxed and safe. You can be yourself and know you are around people who truly care about you. For all the women that say you are a hater, its because they don’t know how to relate to men, or have the blessing to have good men around them. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

anne January 26, 2009, 10:44 AM

I’ve never been able to relate to the whole “battle of the sexes” thing, with sex-segregated friend circles who do “girl things” while they do their “guy things.” The dynamic in a mixed-gender group is just more fun.

After all, we do not live under the Taliban, so why not get over the insecurities and enjoy (and learn from) friendships with both sexes.

Anonymous January 26, 2009, 1:18 PM

If no woman can handle being friends with you without ‘jealousy’ and other isues, maybe the problem is with YOU and not them.

Krista November 3, 2009, 8:00 AM

It’s hard to describe in words but there is a difference between “a friend of men only” and “has some guy friends”. I think we all can agree that the former is not the woman we want around our husbands/boyfriends.

Quite honestly the only male friend I need is my husband. I know not every woman can have that kind of bond with their SO so I can’t speak to their friendships or motives. I just know that if a woman went out of her way to be friendly with my husband she might get looked at a little harder until her motives become clear.

Aura Somayor March 16, 2011, 12:28 PM

I’d be inclined to acquiesce with you on this. Which is not something I typically do! I really like reading a post that will make people think. Also, thanks for allowing me to comment!

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