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My Man Thinks I'm An Exhibitionist

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I walk around in my bra and panties in the house. Yesterday, it pushed my man too far.

Woman in underwear standing by the window

Guest blogger MILF Mommy: First of all, I'm going to start off by saying that I wear sweats and a T-shirt to the gym, a full bikini bottom to the beach, and unless I'm playing tennis, I wouldn't be caught dead in a mini-skirt. However, I do sometimes walk around in just a bra and panties in my own home. I'm not going to take the garbage out like that or anything, but ya know, I like to be sexy for my guy and frankly, I don't think about what I have on (or not) that much.

OK. So yesterday morning at roughly 6:20 AM (it's still kind of dark out), I am getting dressed for work and run to the bathroom through the hallway ... in just my bra and panties. The hallway is somewhat exposed to the apartment building next door, but I'm thinking no one is up at this time, and whoever is probably isn't staring out their window. So, no biggie, right? Wrong, according to my boyfriend who says, "OMG. Put some F***NG clothes on! What are you DOING?" Huh? First I thought he was kidding, but when I looked at the intensity (and disgust) on his face, I realized he was for real. Ummm... First of all, please don't talk to me that way. Second of all, what the hell is the big deal?  I walk around in my bikini on the beach with the same amount of skin exposed, and many more people see me like that than at 6:20 AM when it's still dark out for one brief second. I stormed out of the house pissed off.

We talked about it later that night over dinner:

Me: Do you have an issue with me walking around in my own home in my underwear?
Him: I don't want to be with someone who is an exhibitionist! I think it's weird you'd walk around like that. It's like you're clueless about your neighbors.
Me: This is your issue. You don't like it for some reason ... you are protective over me.
Him: NO. You're wrong. Why would you walk around like that?
Me: OK, could you just talk to me differently, without making me feel like a kid?
Him: Well, you acted like one.
Me: So you don't think you treated me like a kid, and talked to me disrespectfully?
Him: NO.
Me: And you don't think this is your issue?
Him: NO.
Me (Getting angrier because I'm trying to get something out of him and he's not giving me jack s**t) Huh, that's funny you calling me a kid. You sit on the couch all day playing Guitar Hero while burping and farting. Ha!
Him: Oh OK, good argument!
Me: (Picking up plates) Is it OK that I walk into the kitchen in this outfit (sweats and a tank) or should I go put something on, like my ski suit?

He got up from the table, picked up his fake guitar and started playing Guitar Hero. And when it was time to go to bed, I put on a full sweat suit. Hey, if he doesn't like me being the sexy person I am, he's not getting any.


Who's right in this fight?

See Also:

  • Knock-down Fight, Knock-out Sex
  • Sleep Is the New Sex
  • Married Women Hate Sex

    next: Hooking Up While Knocked Up
    17 comments so far | Post a comment now
    ashley January 26, 2009, 7:30 AM

    My husband gets mad about the same thing. He’s like what if someone comes to the door. Uh duh!! THey will knock and I won’t answer it naked. OMG! He freaked on me the other night. He and my son were at a cub scout thing. I left early with the baby. I had the bath running and her and I were going to take a bubble bath together (we always do when it’s just us). My best friend and neighbor called and needed some feminine prods and mixer for her vodka. Anyhow, she’s in her robe, Im in my bra and undies, she wants to stay and have some cocktails so I throw on a robe and we bath the baby, put her to sleep, then sit on the couch talkin and drinkin. My hubby comes home and flips out!! Why are you both in robes!!!! She saw you in your underwear!!! Uh so what?? He got over it pretty fast though.

    Sara January 26, 2009, 7:57 AM

    My husband is just the opposite, if I’m wearing house clothes he complains. The way he got used to it is seeing me walk around the house like this once we moved in together. At first he spazzed about it, but after saying what’s the point of putting on clothes just to run to the bathroom when its just us. That helped, now he wants we walking around like that all the time.

    SD January 26, 2009, 10:27 AM

    It sounds like you boyfriend’s issue is not with you running around in your skivies but more so with who might see you, so my suggestion is keep your doors locked and buy some curtains. If you gotta have the natural sunlight in your home you can get window shades that open the top only. They’re great, the let in the light but no one can see in.

    Kat January 26, 2009, 2:21 PM

    This is a compatability issue. He actually said he thinks it’s weird that you run around like that. If you can’t reach a middle ground while you are both calm, I suspect trouble for years to come.

    TheOrganicSister January 26, 2009, 2:25 PM

    I’ve found whenever my and DH fight, not one single person is wrong. We both are wrong.

    If I were in the same situation, I think I would have respected his insecurities. I probably would have teased him a bit, reminded him of what I wear at the beach and given him a hug, reassuring him that no one but he gets to see me that way (or even would want to look). And if it bothers him that much, respect that.

    Accusing him of anything, putting him down for his choice of games and diminishing his feelings on the matter only makes things worse.

    That being said, if talking down to you and jumping to angry responses is a regular thing, perhaps no matter what you do will help.

    Ana January 26, 2009, 3:16 PM

    Your boyfriend sounds immature and controlling. Maybe you deserve someone better?

    Red Lotus Mama January 26, 2009, 3:20 PM

    I do the same thing and when my husband and I were together it drove him nuts! I agree with you. You are in your own home and should be able to run around in whatever you please. But, if there are windows where someone could see it, well that might be a little much. But from what you described it seemed perfectly fine and he was totally over reacting.

    CC January 26, 2009, 3:47 PM

    Maybe your husband just might be expressing that he likes to feel like he gets special viewing rights and be excited when he sees you like that, and if it becomes too common, it loses it’s appeal.

    Running back and forth from the bathroom should be no big deal, but maybe it was just a moment where he decided to say something that had been bothering him already.

    My husband likes to walk around in his underwear at night after work. I think because I was raised in a modest household, it kind of bothered me.

    Maybe you are both not acknowledging your issues. I asked my husband to not wear his underwear around the house and his response was, “why does it matter? I should be able to wear what I want in my house”. But that was pretty much the last time he wore his underwear around like that.

    Now if I could only get my husband to pick those undies up off the bathroom floor where he leaves them EVERY DAY!

    some guy January 26, 2009, 4:41 PM

    Personally it does not bother me if my wife walks around in her underwear.

    However, living in apartment buildings I can see your husband’s point if his concern is safety. People view a bra and panties differently than a bikini. Doesn’t make sense, but that’s the way it goes.

    Of course if you lived in the country and he still had the same attitude, or if it bothered him even with the blinds closed I guess you’d just need to chalk him up to being a prude.

    linemanswife January 27, 2009, 3:54 PM

    My husband loves when I just wear a tank top and a thong around the house. He thinks I am sexy and wants to see me in hardly anything.. I love to greet him after a long hard day at work with very minimal clothing. He makes me feel very sexy and extremely comfortable in my own skin. He loves and encourages it!!

    B January 31, 2009, 11:28 AM

    Oh my gosh! This totally strikes a nerve with me! :) I live alone, and I prefer not to wear clothes when I’m just vegging. It’s not that I’m an exhibitionist, per se, it’s the fact that it costs $2 to do a load of laundry. lol! So the thing is that I have a new guy (going on a year) that is a very good guy - religious, doesn’t sleep overnight, etc.: who has his own home. Now, if things get to the point where we get married down the road, I am concerned about the fact that his family is very close: locationally and emotionally - think Everybody Loves Raymond here - and they don’t neccessarily knock, I don’t believe. Soooooooo if I continue my habit of walking around in my birthday suit, I have a feeling there’s gonna be trouble. We’re not at that point, but it’s something I find myself thinking about… maybe it’s the larger issue of privacy that I’m concerned about. Will the closeness of his family be seen as an intrusion on our/my privacy if we were to get married. hummm…

    Ron February 2, 2009, 12:46 PM

    I am getting the same reaction from my wife. Since day one of our marriage I told here I hate clothes. And she was ok with it until our first child. So I stopped until recently with the first year of college. Now she says I’m an exhibitionist becuase she comes home and I am naked.

    Derrick February 6, 2009, 5:16 AM

    My wife and I both walk around the house in our “undies” its no big deal. We live in the country have no curtains but whos going to see?. Besides its in the comfort of our own home. Although we did have the ups driver come to the door once…..

    Iris February 11, 2009, 3:56 PM

    It sounds like he knows something about your neighbors that you do not

    layla February 12, 2009, 3:53 PM

    My boyfriend is the same way pretty much! It doesnt bother me if the windows up and i want to change, or if someone walks in the room and im in a t shirt and underwear, or even a bra and underwear. But my boyfriend wants NO ONE to see me. But a bikini doesnt matter at all? Get real. A body is a body, is a body, is a body. It’s nothing new. Now, you want to see me naked- that will only happen with my man, no question.

    Iuyncusc June 27, 2009, 8:35 AM

    aEWcFd comment6 ,

    Some fool May 1, 2011, 3:19 PM

    Its simple. If you walk around naked or semi naked, you will attract attention. Peeping Tom attention.

    Your man knows that. If he didn’t care about you (or he strangely doesn’t realize this), it wouldn’t bother him.

    Regarding the beach, the majority of girls wear bikini’s etc there so u blend in more as you are not the only one scantily clad. Also, its an anonymous audience, i.e not your neighbors. On top of that,think about it … is there any lingerie bikini’s … no! Panties/underwear are sexy.

    Its about class and its your choice. If you want your neighbors and their sons perving on you… and they will, then continue to walk around semi naked.

    So … whats your decision? A classy girl, or a cheap classless girl?

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