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Nothing Turns My Man on Anymore

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Since recently having moved in with my boyfriend, our passion has turned to crap. And yes, I've tried everything ... and guess what? All those sex tips are total BS.

woman in lingerie and man watching tv

Guest Blogger Susan: I always thought our sex life was bulletproof. There wasn't a night that went by when we were dating where we would go to sleep back-to-back. Things, and times, changed as soon as we began co-habitating. Rather than complaining to him, I decided to try to spice things up. I'm sad to report that I've been majorly dissed, and all those popular sex tips are a bunch of bull.

1. "Seduction begins long before the couple gets to the bedroom." Oh really? With seduction, do you mean eat dinner while watching television silently or the loud burping followed by laughter?

2. "If he's watching a game, how about some half-time action?" Fine. I took a shower, put his favorite vanilla lotion on and attempted to get close to his lap. His response? "Babe ... I'm just watching the game right now!" Ouch.

3. "Blindfold your guy with a scarf" After failing miserably on #2, I'm afraid I'll get punched if I try this one.

4. "Look into his eyes and smile" Ha! This makes me laugh -- it didn't even work on our first date!

5. "Dress sexy" I stopped by Victoria's Secret on my way home, took a shower, put the brand new panties on, and walked into the living room in my sexy lingerie. He didn't even look away from the TV. I felt like a total idiot. 

6. "Convey what you want" While standing (#5), vulnerably, in the living room without him looking at me, I said "Baby, come into the bedroom." "Not now," he said. Double ouch.

7. "Bring out the stripper in you" You know what, after trying #s 1 - 6, it's time HE does something for ME. I refuse to put on some costume and get denied ... again.

PS: Why is it, that when a woman wants sex and the guy doesn't, his simple "no" means "no." But when a guy wants sex, we usually end up giving it to them. Is it really that big of a deal to turn your face away from the TV and give your girl a little attention?? "Making your partner happy" (thanks Cosmo) is a two-way street!

PPS: BTW, it's not like I'm some out of shape, overweight chick who doesn't take care of herself. The guy is lucky to have me prance around in my underwear. If anyone needs to get on the treadmill, it's him.

PPPS: My feelings are really hurt ...


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27 comments so far | Post a comment now
my say January 8, 2009, 11:49 AM

Wow, your guy sounds like a total jerk! Not many women do what you do, do you think he is gay?

Anonymous January 8, 2009, 12:15 PM

Youch. Your article is pretty funny, though. Hopefully he appreciates your sense of humor at least. But in all seriousness, try sitting him down and talking to him about it, how you feel that he’s not “into” you as much anymore, and see what he says. Maybe it’s job stress, etc, etc…but try to find out what the “etc” is and take it from there. If he seems sincere about his lack of desire, than just give him his space for awhile. He’ll come back around if he knows what’s good for him!

jackie January 8, 2009, 2:02 PM

omg something is seriously wrong with him. I don’t know any man that would pass up a striptease-my husband would FLIP for that, i just won’t do it, haha. It is pretty fun the way you wrote it though, although I feel bad for you. Tell him to get it together!

lisa January 8, 2009, 3:05 PM

I agree with you! if i say no he gets it anyway, and if he says no there’s no way in hell he’s doing it. It’s such BS. Why can’t they just give us what we want, it only takes two minutes anyways so what’s the big deal?

Drew January 8, 2009, 5:09 PM

Have you seen the new book out for just these kind of creeps (and us women who are stuck with them)? “The Problem with Women is Men” The author’s name is Charles Orlando and he’s in the momlogic community. I got his book on amazon… too great… his site is

Anonymous January 8, 2009, 9:59 PM

It’s been my experience that if he doesn’t want it at home, he’s getting it somewhere else.

Arin January 8, 2009, 10:13 PM

Hey girl, I understand ur emotions and feeling of being left out. But, I would also like to point out that life is such. Life is so different when u r dating and when u r co-habiting. The triggers to sex changes with a different social setting. Every couple writes their own rules of sex. The thum rules whiich u mentioned might not work for u at all ( and it also dont work for me like many other couples). U need to remember having sex is no competition between u and ur boyfriend… it will come as a natural process… the frequency and the energy might vary with time and emotion, but its both ur repsonsibility to keep it warm and ongoing.
In ur situation, I would suggest, do not try too hard, let him ask for sex…. it will come back to u… remember a watched pot never boils :)

lisa January 9, 2009, 2:31 PM

very true

lisa January 9, 2009, 2:31 PM

very true

lisa January 9, 2009, 2:33 PM

Have you seen the new book out for just these kind of creeps (and us women who are stuck with them)? “The Problem with Women is Men” The author’s name is Charles Orlando and he’s in the momlogic community. I got his book on amazon… too great… his site is

Jason January 16, 2009, 2:45 PM

I have been married for 5.5 years, it is my 2nd marriage and I would literally WORSHIP my lady if she did all that !! I have never seen a woman how has had that much of a problem getting it. I am the guy that goes without all the time - I can sympathesize. And, no, I do NOT get it anytime I want even if she doesnt want to. It is always no and there is nothing there anymore - I am learning to go without it ! Good luck with your situation tho…..

Zeke January 16, 2009, 4:03 PM

I’m trying to figure out why you’re still with him. If what you’ve written is a fair picture of your relationship, it’s time to dump him, move out and move on (or move him out). He’s clearly got issues, and if your communication is that broken, the relationship can’t be saved, no matter how much you give. And if you stick it out in spite of his behavior, you will eventually resent having to give up your wants and desires. Cut the cord.

Ready January 21, 2009, 9:23 PM

He’s not the guy for you. Some people just get lazy when they have a partner, that works if you both get lazy and stop trying. Sounds like you need a partner that has the same energy as you have. Sure wish I had your number.

iris February 11, 2009, 4:19 PM

honestly, he’s either (1) gay or (2) cheating on you

Dakotah Woitko February 14, 2009, 11:15 AM

My guy is almost exactly the same way. He is battling PTSD from a tour in Iraq (returned almost two years ago) and our love life is almost the same. The distractions are a bit different (he’s into gaming) but it boils down to the same thing. I’ve had to pick my battles and look at what else he has to offer me. Good luck

Scott March 27, 2009, 11:04 PM

Leave Him.

marissa March 28, 2009, 12:05 AM

i know exactly how you feel, i’ve been living with my b/f for about 5 months now and i love walking around naked and teasing him with sexy clothes i reach for his junk or try to go down on him just to be told no. i haven’t had an orgasm in months!!!!

Charis April 13, 2009, 9:31 PM

Very interesting..It’s hard when things don’t work out, when you’ve tried everything…What to do now.?
I suppose move on, if it’s not doing any good for you, or making you feel any better.
Try a few men out, & check out THEIR responses..;p
And be happy for once.=D
Why not?!

Joyce April 30, 2009, 12:07 PM

Run to your nearest affair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nicole May 24, 2009, 1:31 PM

Sounds like something else is wrong with the relationship. Sex is always the first thing to go when something’s awry, whether it be something petty or something big. Sit down and talk to him. Make him turn off the TV. If you’re afraid he’ll punch you cause you blind fold him, you have a serious problem cause he’s got some unchecked aggression.

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