Since recently having moved in with my boyfriend, our passion has turned to crap. And yes, I've tried everything ... and guess what? All those sex tips are total BS.
Guest Blogger Susan: I always thought our sex life was bulletproof. There wasn't a night that went by when we were dating where we would go to sleep back-to-back. Things, and times, changed as soon as we began co-habitating. Rather than complaining to him, I decided to try to spice things up. I'm sad to report that I've been majorly dissed, and all those popular sex tips are a bunch of bull.
1. "Seduction begins long before the couple gets to the bedroom." Oh really? With seduction, do you mean eat dinner while watching television silently or the loud burping followed by laughter?
2. "If he's watching a game, how about some half-time action?" Fine. I took a shower, put his favorite vanilla lotion on and attempted to get close to his lap. His response? "Babe ... I'm just watching the game right now!" Ouch.
3. "Blindfold your guy with a scarf" After failing miserably on #2, I'm afraid I'll get punched if I try this one.
4. "Look into his eyes and smile" Ha! This makes me laugh -- it didn't even work on our first date!
5. "Dress sexy" I stopped by Victoria's Secret on my way home, took a shower, put the brand new panties on, and walked into the living room in my sexy lingerie. He didn't even look away from the TV. I felt like a total idiot.
6. "Convey what you want" While standing (#5), vulnerably, in the living room without him looking at me, I said "Baby, come into the bedroom." "Not now," he said. Double ouch.
7. "Bring out the stripper in you" You know what, after trying #s 1 - 6, it's time HE does something for ME. I refuse to put on some costume and get denied ... again.
PS: Why is it, that when a woman wants sex and the guy doesn't, his simple "no" means "no." But when a guy wants sex, we usually end up giving it to them. Is it really that big of a deal to turn your face away from the TV and give your girl a little attention?? "Making your partner happy" (thanks Cosmo) is a two-way street!
PPS: BTW, it's not like I'm some out of shape, overweight chick who doesn't take care of herself. The guy is lucky to have me prance around in my underwear. If anyone needs to get on the treadmill, it's him.
PPPS: My feelings are really hurt ...