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Octuplets are Gross

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Guest blogger Gay Uncle Brett Berk: A lot of experts have been commenting on the California woman who recently delivered eight live babies: critiquing the doctor, the family, and the fertility industry for creating this unsustainable phalanx of squirmy infant life. Most of the reaction has been from a scientific perspective, noting the health risks associated with this kind of multiple (multiplex?) birth. But no one is taking the position I am, which is to say, simply, that octuplets are GROSS.

Man looking disgusted

Of course, they're each a glorious blessing from the Lord, and I want them to be healthy and thrive and survive so they can create their own freak show, or pay-per-view nanny-cams. Yet I just can't stop myself from thinking about all the ... sh*t they're going to produce. Of course every baby defecates. That's line 3 in their job description, after eat and sleep, but right before cry. But if you have eight families each with just one child, all that poo is spread out (pardon the image) over a number of different locations. A little here, a little there, some more down the street. If you have octuplets, it's all gathered up and concentrated in one giant, steamy, gaseous, constantly growing heap.

And that's just one example of this consumption/production cycle. Think of the quantity of milk that will need to come out of that mother's boobs. (Note on fridge: Buy More Hay). Consider the number of tweens in sweat shops half way around the world who will need to be recruited to sew all their teensy Old Navy outfits. Picture a garage full of strollers. An Astrodome of cribs. A Niagra of urine and mucus and spit up. If you begin to think about it this way, octuplets are not simply unsafe, or immoral. They're disgusting.

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65 comments so far | Post a comment now
My2Irish Monsters January 28, 2009, 8:56 AM

But 8 babies will help stimulate the economy. Think of the mass production of food to feed 6 boys during their teenage years. She’ll need a McDonald’s in her backyard.

J-Marie January 28, 2009, 9:22 AM

I have to agree! Not that babies are “disgusting” as put but the simple “moral” aspect of it all! I am not against fertility meds to help a loving couple have a lil miracle of their own but once it is used I do believe that there should be a limit BY LAW of how many can well…. be allowed to thrive!! All 8 of these babies are a miracle of their own but is it “right” for the parents to be so selfish to want this type of publicity for themselves or their children? Can the parents afford these 8 children without help from friends, family, handouts from companies who want to just use them as advertisements, or the government….. I am not a cold-blooded person! I have 4 children of my own but I support them all emotionally and financially!! Can these parents say the same????

anti-Mengele January 28, 2009, 9:39 AM

The intellectual community is Hitler scum - maybe this family should have had IVF and screened all the embryos for every defect and non-desired trait (including wrong eye color and sex) that I am certain you super race slime balls would want. I don’t like artifical conception at all - surrogates, IVF, fertility drugs, etc. If people had children at a normal age or adopted homeless children instead of spending insane amounts to have designer children in their golden years, this would not be an issue.

Mary Scott January 28, 2009, 10:37 AM

I’m insulted about the comment (buy more hay), she’s not a Cow. And you can have babies with diseases no matter how they were conceived, so there’s nothing designer about it. I’m all for a woman getting help from other methods to have a child, but to implant 8 at once is very selfish and dangerous.

Anonymous January 28, 2009, 11:38 AM

Imagine cold and flu season, a hurricane of snot.

Anonymous January 28, 2009, 11:55 AM

This guy is just obnoxious! Come on, she just had 8 babies and he’s worried about their effect on the world??? What about those families who have 12 kids or more? How is these babies any different from those kids? Just because they were born at the same time. He needs to pick on someone his own size!!!

RWD January 28, 2009, 12:27 PM

If you find the poop of 8 babies so repulsive, you’d better stay out of daycares.

I thought the article itself was kinda poopy.

Liz January 28, 2009, 2:27 PM

Once again, 90% of the brilliant commenters on this site have completely missed the point. (And don’t get me started on their collective senses of humor.)

Funny post :) Nice relief from the heavy-handed media attention this story has been receiving.

anony January 28, 2009, 6:34 PM

My first thought when I heard about the octuplets was about changing all those diapers… YIKES!!! I would think with that many babies if you’re not feeding one then you’ll be changing one. Talk about no rest for the weary. Personally I find this article funny. What concerns me more than that steaming pile of dirty diapers, or this article, is the reaction of people who feel that laws should govern how many kids a family can have. If a family is trying to conceive through invitro and they wind up with 8 embryos they can choose to use all their embryos in one attempt. No one ever expects all 8 to thrive. What you’re suggesting, J-Marie, is that the government should be able to say how many children a couple using invitro can have or even attempt to have …. I ask you, how many should they be allowed to keep 8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1??? What should be done with the rest of those viable embryos/potential children? And how should they choose which ones to abort? What if your family fell upon hard times and you had to rely on government assistance to survive. What if the government came to you and said “It’s too much of a burden on the government for you to have 4 kids, you can only have two children so pick two to keep ….” What would happen to the children you didn’t keep? Would they be adopted to more worthy families or worse yet…. aborted? That’s a harsh scenario I know, but, to couples struggling to have children any viable embryo is a potential child. Would you like to live in country that dictated how many kids you can have and what you should do if you get pregnant with more than the allowed amount? Should you be forced to have an abortion… forced by government laws??? If you think that is ok then you should move to China.

LaLa Land January 28, 2009, 7:33 PM

They are gonna get sooooo much free stuff! Look at all the crap Jon & Kate plus 8 get. They got a wedding in Hawaii, Vacation in Hawaii, Vacation in San Diego clothes, shoes plane trips….the list goes on and on and they just have 6 babies & a set of twins.

Lucky Boy January 29, 2009, 5:13 PM

8 new babies plus the 6 she already had, so 14 kids living with her parents and a $400,000 hospital bill - great job !

Sera January 30, 2009, 9:00 PM


Oh please!! Not all women are capable of having children (no matter what the age) the natural way. So, yes, fertility drugs to help some women and they are not designer babies. And some of us actually want to graduate from college and/or get our PhD and then settle down have children after we have saved our money from our intellectual careers. And yes, some of us actually are having children after age 30; Oh My. Is that considered the golden years?

We cannot all be like you. High school drop outs that get knocked-up in a white van outside of a football game in Oklahoma and then end up on welfare, living in a trailer park with a loser who fathered our 5th child before the age of 22.

andrea January 30, 2009, 10:24 PM

I agree that fertility treatment is wrong. If you cant get pregnant on your own God had a reason for it. You are meant to have kids young-not in your 30’s and 40’s. its just a fact.

Percy January 31, 2009, 2:32 AM

This woman should be locked up in a loony bin. I chose not to have children to try to reduce the load on our planet, and this woman comes along and feels she has to have more than SIX?? Talk about environmental impact! She better not be getting tax breaks for her kids on my dime. She needs counseling. She’s already destroyed her parents’ lives and helped them lose their home. No father—classy.

BLBrown January 31, 2009, 8:50 PM

Stop this nastiness, already…..Leave this woman and her family alone!

SP MacDonald January 31, 2009, 9:41 PM

While it’s true that many women can’t have babies, motherhood is not a right nor is it guaranteed.

I don’t believe the government should regulate how many children anyone should/can have.

I also believe that medicaid, medicare, tax dollars or insurance should cover fertility treatments. If you want a child, pay for it.

The grossness of this entire episode is the fact that anyone thinks any money other than their own should pay for a pregnancy.

Just because she, or anyone else wants a baby, doesn’t mean they should receive any assistance to get one.

You can’t always get what you want.

Kathy February 1, 2009, 6:59 AM

Andrea…I find your comment ignorant and narrow minded. Some women choose to wait until they are in their 30’s and 40’s as they are concentrating on their careers or whatever. Truthfully, how many mothers of this age do you see on welfare or whatever? There may be a few, but no where near as many as teenage mothers and girls in their 20’s. There is nothing wrong with fertility treatments….people just need to make better and more realistic decisions. While every embryo may eventually result in a baby, the person needs to be realistic enough to realize that they may not be able to afford to raise a large number of babies. They need to make choices. Not everyone is offered movie or TV deals, nor are they sponsored by big corporations for the publicity. I personally had 2 children when I was in my 30’s and I do not regret it. I had my first 2 when I was 19 and 20. I was MUCH better prepared for my last 2.

Lynn February 1, 2009, 9:32 AM

I think it’s morally irresponsible for ANY family to have eight children in today’s world since the world is severly overpopulated. There are over 6 billion people on this planet and counting. Every person who decides to bring a child (or children) into this world should take this factor into consideration. Other species are dying at a terrifying rate because of habitat destruction. The earth is melting down. Yes, I have children—two children. It’s called reproducing just yourself. There is no need any longer for big families. People who have big families are arrogant and selfish. They obviously don’t care what the world looks like ,or even if food is available, for their grandchildren and other people’s grandchildren. Most people need to wake up and realize that one’s actions seriously affect other people and future generations. It’s not just a private choice.

Breezer February 7, 2009, 10:31 PM

She knows how to “wring” the system. I hope she gets absolutely nothing from endorsements. Her publicist is a vulture trying to get her on the money bandwagon. The only tragedy is the fact that these babies are in this circumstance. I will NEVER buy anything that this woman endorses.

Crys February 8, 2009, 6:14 PM

Put down the Bacardi, Breezer, and really think about it: would this woman seriously have all these kids for money, knowing that money was going to go back into looking after the kids anyway? There are people out there who genuinely like children, and therefore want lots of them.
By the sounds of many of you it seems you’d be doing well to go out and buy whatever she endorses. The more she makes off endorsements, the less she’ll have to ‘wring the system’.
It’s no wonder the world’s the mess it is if this is what people seriously think. I’d hate to see what some of you would say if you met this woman in the street in front of her children. THAT’S what would be really damaging to them. Right now it seems like at least half the world is screaming ‘you should never have been born! You’re just huge mistakes’ at these babies who didn’t have a choice.

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