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Is a Play Date with an Ex Okay?

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They've made plans to get together "with the kids." How dangerous could that possibly be?!

couple sitting in background, kids playing

Guest blogger Emily: Before we got married, I definitely was the jealous type. I hated the idea that my husband had other girlfriends before me. In fact, I hated that other girls merely existed. But now, in my old married age (34), things have changed. I have grown up and moved on to other concerns.... Am I spending enough quality time with my family? Am I keeping my child safe? Am I teaching him enough about the world? No longer do I concern myself with "other chicks" and that petty nonsense. Like most moms, I have bigger fish to fry.

In fact, when my husband (who is in between jobs due to a corporate transfer) told me that he was going to take our son on a play date with an ex-girlfriend who he reconnected with, I didn't even think twice. I said "cool," and didn't give it much thought. I was happy that he and my son would get out of the house and maybe go to a different park than they're used to. I was happy that my son would get to play with different children than he's used to playing with. And frankly, I was happy to think that maybe my husband would see his once former flame in a different light -- now that she's a crumb-laden, harried, and somewhat frazzled mommy just like me.

But I'm starting to wonder if maybe I need to change my tune... Many friends have warned me and told me that my open mind and trusting heart is going to get me in trouble. Sure, the idea of my husband catching up with his gorgeous ex-heartthrob isn't the most ideal scenario, but how bad can it be? Our kids will be right there. It's not like he's going to see her playing with "our" kids and envision what his life would have been like if she was Mommy... or would he??? Am I being totally naive? Is my husband's "harmless" play date just an opportunity to play with fire???

Would you be okay with your husband or boyfriend getting together with his ex? Share your thoughts with us in our momlogic community!

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8 comments so far | Post a comment now
N January 24, 2009, 9:45 AM

HELL NO!!!! Not in a million years. That would just sound fishy to me. He just magically became friends again with an ex how did this happen its not like they were still friends when you met.

Anon January 24, 2009, 11:27 AM

If there is a second play-date w/her you need to either go along or take his place and scope her out. Also trust your husband since that is what a good foundation to your relationship should be based on. Talk to him openly about how it makes you feel and let him reassure you. I totally trust my husband, but it would be an extensive conversation.

ak mom January 24, 2009, 12:14 PM

Your husband is not hiding this friendship so it’s not like he’s sneaking around with this woman. It sounds like you have an honest relationship with him so keep it that way. Before you jump to the wrong conclusions, let you husband know that you would like to get to know her. Go on a few play dates or invite her and her husband (boyfriend/whatever) out on a double date. Hey you never know you might just gain a friend.

Kara January 25, 2009, 2:26 AM

Normally I would be suspicious but I agree with the some of the other posts - he didn’t try to hide this. I think it is odd that he is suddenly friends with this person. How did this happen? When? Since they are getting along, being friends, there should be no reason for him not to invite her to dinner one night, right? So have her over for dinner, be friendly and casual but check her out. And also, since it is starting to bug you, talk to him about it. Don’t go overboard, don’t sound desperate. Just communicate!

Anonymous January 25, 2009, 10:53 AM

Doesn’t matter if he’s not hiding it. Old feelings can always resurface even when you’re not expecting them to. I’d say proceed with severe caution.

Anonymous January 25, 2009, 1:13 PM

He probably wouldn’t like it of it was the other way about so put your foot down and say NO!!!!

Lin October 30, 2009, 9:47 AM

If it is bothering you, ask him about their past; it may make you feel better if they just decided they would be better as friends and just lost touch. Also, ask yourself if this is about a lack of your husband’s trust (that you two will have to resolve, without her presence in your lives) or a lack of her trust (after all, any gal’s instant reaction to a honey’s ex would be labeling the ex as the enemy, and I think that’s very natural). I would attend (inform him at the last minute - warning sirens should go off if he seems hesitant about you attending), or if this playdate is in a public place, surprise them and show up, but watch their body language once you show up (and before if this is a surprise visit from you if possible), and of course, trust your gut.

Anonymous November 29, 2009, 5:51 PM


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