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Secret Service Dad

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One dad thinks his overprotective methods might be a bit over the top ...

Secret service and a kid in a stroller

Guest blogger Clint: As we walk down the alley behind the apartment to our parked car, allowing our 16-month-old subject to trot freely on her own, my head is on a swivel. I look down the alley towards the street, then the opposite direction. I scan the cars parked in the alley for brake lights or idling. I am within three feet of my charge at all times. 

When we get to the car, I pick her up, and open the door, but not before checking my six (looking behind me) in the window reflection. If I had a weapon the safety would be off. As I place her in her car seat, I use peripheral vision to keep an eye on my blind spot. Once she is buckled, I do another 360 degree scan of the lot and get in, riding shotgun. 

"All secure," I report to the driver. My driver (wife) rolls her eyes and mumbles something that sounds like "idiot," starts the car and backs out. 

Unfortunately, I am not in the Secret Service, and I fear I am an overprotective fool when it comes to the safety of our toddler. Every time she stumbles, I tense up. I try to anticipate all danger before it materializes. If she wanders close to a glass coffee table playing with blocks, I will move them away because I can see her bopping her noggin on the edge.  As she runs, I scan the ground for irregularities to try to predict her tripping. 

She does not help my paranoia, because she seems to be a natural-born daredevil. After her bath we dry her off on our bed, and she pops up and runs around, threatening to dash right over the side if we do not stop her. The bed is easily three feet off the ground. She enjoys being swung upside down and doing assisted somersaults. 

I half seriously suggested to my wife that we get her a full helmet -- football style -- with a face guard, which would serve to protect her noodle AND ease my tensions. The reality is, she is going to get hurt every now and again, hopefully very minor bumps and bruises. I may be overprotective, but isn't it better to be hyper-vigilant than leaving everything to  chance? Sometimes I try to relax, but in a way, being this careful makes me feel like I am doing my job. 

Gotta go, codename "Wrecking Ball" just ran by.


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6 comments so far | Post a comment now
Anna January 10, 2009, 12:21 PM

congrats, your a good dad. I am very glad such a thing exists still. Yea I suppose you could relax a bit but its a good thing that you care about your kid enough to be this worried about their safety.

Anonymous January 10, 2009, 3:22 PM

That was hilarious! Loved it.

Anonymous January 10, 2009, 3:53 PM

So funny. My husband is the same way.

Dr. Bob and Nurse Terry January 10, 2009, 4:03 PM

Superb! You can never be too rich, too thin and too careful with a baby these days.

Anonymous January 10, 2009, 4:12 PM

Very funny. I could almost hear the theme from Bond while reading this.

rita January 11, 2009, 5:29 AM

Hats off to you. When my child was 3 yrs old my husband was ironing his shirt. My little one ran past the iron. grabbed the cord and the hot iron hit the side of his face causing 3rd degree burns. That was 7 years ago, although most of the scarring has healed, his little face is still terribly affected. People ask him ALL THE TIME…..what happened.To this day I hold my husband responsible for being neglectful.


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