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Snoring is Ruining My Marriage!

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One mom wonders if she'll ever get a good night's sleep.

Woman lying on bed next to snoring man, covering ears with pillow

Guest blogger Samantha writes: There's no denying it: Snoring is one of the worst sounds there is. As the victim of snoring, (meaning, it's not ME who snores, it's me who has to HEAR the snoring), I often wonder what it is I can do to get it to stop. Aside from smothering my husband with a pillow, is there something I can do to fix this nighttime terror, or is this something I'm going to have to deal with for the rest of my life?! (Oh God, no!) Sometimes, the sound is so intense and jarring, I kick my husband (hard!) to get him to stop. Most nights, I have no choice but to seek refuge in the spare bedroom or on the couch. In the morning, both of us are pissed: I have slept poorly on the couch (and feel awful for kicking my husband), and my husband is angry. Not only did I kick him, I'm not sleeping with him! I want to share a bed with my husband, but I can't stand the snoring. Help me! Snoring is ruining my marriage!!!

According to Dr. Michael Breus, Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and Board Certified in Clinical Sleep Disorders, there is actually something both parties can do to minimize snoring. Dr. Breus, who diagnosed Rosie O'Donnell with sleep apnea on "The View," told momlogic that there is a tremendous amount of emotional turmoil that comes from sleeping next to a snoring bed partner.

"There is significant data that now suggests that if you sleep next to someone that snores, you lose between one and three hours of sleep yourself." Dr. Breus suggests that you educate the person who is snoring. "A lot of times the person who is snoring thinks it's their partner's problem -- they need to deal with it. But in fact, it's the snorer's problem to fix." IN addition, Dr. Breus says snoring can actually lead to ill health affects. New studies have even shown that high blood pressure is a result of snoring.

Dr. Breus told us there are many things that can cause snoring:

1) WEIGHT: When men gain weight, they actually deposit fat in their throats. And when people lose weight, even a small amount, the decibel level (in the throat) decreases. If you (or your partner) can lose between 5 and 8 lbs., you can expect to see a significant reduction in snoring. 

2) SMOKING: It inflames the nasal tissue -- just like congestion. 

3) ALLERGIES: Someone with an allergy to smoke, mold, pets, allergens in a pillow (such as down) or certain laundry detergents, can be prone to snoring.

4) STRUCTURAL DAMAGE: People with structural damage have what's known as a deviated septum -- it narrows the airway, making air go faster. The faster the air moves, the more it will vibrate tissue in the back of your throat -- that vibration causes a cadence, which causes a snore. There are particular surgeries that can help decrease the narrowing of the nasal cavities; one is called a septoplasty. There are also other surgeries now that can take whatever tissue is vibrating and firm it up. 

5) ALCOHOL: Alcohol can make snoring worse -- because it is a muscle relaxant, and as the muscles relax, the passage gets narrower. However, there's really no data that says heavy or spicy foods makes snoring worse.

Other than surgery, what can a snorer do to minimize snoring?
Many people use a nasal decongestant spray before going to sleep, which can help. Also a product like Netty Pot, which is a saline flush, can reduce congestion and snoring. There is also the CPAP machine (available by prescription only) which is used for someone with sleep apnea. Sleep apnea is a very serious condition and usually the snorer can't determine if they have it on their own. Not only do you snore, but you close your throat and stop breathing. If you think you or your partner has this, you should seek medical help.

Do those Breathe Right strips work?
Breathe Right strips only work for select group of people. They are really designed for people with narrow nasal passages. There are pros and cons with the strips as well .... everything from falling off in middle of the night or allergies to the adhesive. They also really need to be put in the right spot to work (towards the tip of the nose and not at the top at the bridge).

Is there something I can do to cope with the snoring?
You can push someone over to their side. It opens up their airway and gravity is no longer a force. If you get noise plugs, you can get noise level rated NLR 32 or below, which would allow you to still hear a smoke alarm or a baby crying. You could also use noise cancellation headphones. Or you can use a sound machine.

Does your spouse snore? What do you do to cope? Tell us in the Momlogic Community!


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58 comments so far | Post a comment now
Marquita January 15, 2009, 11:31 AM

i know exactly how you feel

Anonymous January 15, 2009, 11:34 AM

oh my god, does he snore!!!!if he falls asleep on the couch, i can hear him in the bedroom!!!! but he also gets upset when i get up and go sleep on the couch. but i can’t sleep 1/2 the time otherwise. but of course he doesn’t think there is anything wrong with it, and that i need to deal with it….and i do by sneaking to the guest room or couch when i wake up from his snoring!

me January 15, 2009, 1:06 PM

we have this problem. ever since i had my daughter (who is 4!) i haven’t slept well and my husband’s snoring doesn’t help(he used nose strips for awhile). i use to get up and go the couch also and he would be mad the next morning! then he told me to wake him and tell him to roll over,that’s fine the first time but am i suppose to do that all night instead of sleeping?! since i go to bed earlier then he does he had fallen asleep on the couch a few nights and we both noticed how good we slept apart, so we’ve been doing it for about 2 months now and i swear we love getting a good nights sleep!! don’t get me wrong we love each other, still have “time alone” and have date nights so we’re not losing any alone time together, in fact it seems are make a point to spend more time alone since we don’t sleep in the same bed anymore. my sister in law told me her and my brother have done this for over a year!!!

Linney January 15, 2009, 1:29 PM

Me- that’s funny, my husband and i do the same thing and our relationship is great….granted there are times when we still sleep in the same bed and some how both make it thru the night!!! but usually its me in the bed and him the couch. heck, thats where falls asleep half the time anyway!!! but we always make time for us and “other” things!

Gigohead  January 15, 2009, 2:50 PM

How funny! It’s me that snores! I have bad allergies and when my nose flares up, I get terrible rumblings. I’m now trying natural alternatives and have bought an air filter for my room.

Mary Battaglia January 15, 2009, 4:22 PM

A great product to keep a snorer on their side and stop snoring is the the silent night shirt at www.prosleepsolutions.com.
My husband uses it and I sleep much better now!

Mandi January 15, 2009, 4:58 PM

A tennis ball sewn into the middle-back of a t-shirt and then worn to bed. It makes it impossible for them to sleep on their backs and then you don’t have to wake them up to roll them over. It’s simple and CHEAP.

LaVonne January 15, 2009, 7:00 PM

My husband just got kicked out of our bed 2 weeks ago…I just couldn’t take it anymore…I’ll have to try some of these tips…it’s getting pretty cold to keep sleeping alone!

JoAnn January 16, 2009, 12:02 AM

My husband snores in ALL sleep positions so having him turn over isn’t any help. I finally forced him to the doctor about it. They did a sleep study and didn’t find enough apnea to be concerned about. Their recommendations were useless: don’t gain weight, do drink alcohol before bed, and don’t sleep on your back. I was so mad at the useless suggestions.

The only help I’ve found is for me to become so exhausted that nothing keeps me awake.

Anonymous January 16, 2009, 12:18 AM

I am more than familiar with this scenario. As I am typing this, I can hear him loud and clear (I’m downstairs and he is upstairs). I’ve heard that taking tonsils out of the snorer can help, anyone else tried that? Most of the time, my husband has to leave the room because I just can’t fall asleep with all that noise. Just think, these snorers aren’t getting a proper night of rest :( DH is often so exhausted by the end of the week that he falls asleep on the couch by 7:30pm.

ashley January 16, 2009, 7:19 AM

I remember laying in bed one night with my husband, my 4 year old son, and our little fat minipin/chihuahua and they were all 3 snoring. I was like, I can’t take this anymore!! I was very pregnant and had to be at work at 6 am. It was awful. My son doesn’t snore anymore and I think it’s one of 2 things. 1. He had some cavities that he had capped. 2. Around the same time, we ripped out all of the old carpet in this house. Which was very old and very nasty. He quit coughing when we did that too. My hubby doesnt’ snore as much either. Oh and my little fat pupppy died.

Anonymous January 16, 2009, 9:26 AM

i’m glad to hear i’m not the only one who has a REALLY loud snorer! we should start a support group!!!

ame i. January 16, 2009, 9:35 AM

My late-husband snored and also got angry with me for leaving the bed, even when I had a newborn and a 2 year old. He once said he couldn’t understand why I was unwilling to sacrifice a night of sleep for him. ??? He had laser surgery twice but it still didn’t help.

DropYourAllergies January 16, 2009, 10:42 AM

Unfortunately Snoring & Allergies go Hand in Hand…

Fortunately, a visit to Your Primary Care Dr. for an Insurance Covered ALLERGY Blood Test is the First Step toward > Saying NO To your Allergies.

Once your Offending Seasonal & Year-round Allergens are Identified.. Your Dr. will Prescribe Under-the-Tongue ImmunoTherapy DROPs ( think Old Fashion SHOTs ) which are Custom Formulated specifically to Neautralize What YOU Are Allergic TO.

Slowly over Time Your Immune System is ReCaliberated > Producing Lasting, If Not LifeTime Relief from Allergy Symptoms. Disease complications and Weakend Immune System.

Drop your Allergies .. and get a Good Nights Sleep ( for You & Your Spouse ).

shank70 January 16, 2009, 11:04 AM

hiya i have to make a comment.i am a female snorer and have recently started using a CPAP. The effect has pretty instant.The only problem is getting used to sleeping with the mask on.I am sure this will help my husband have a good nights sleep .The main issue for him wasnt the snoring because I was at least breathing.It was when i stopped he had the anxiety.My tests showed I stopped breathing more than 40 times and hour and they were at least for more than 10 seconds.I will be reviewed next monthe so fingers crossed I can keep my mask.My son [6 years old] thinks I look like a real fireman!!!! not sure how to take hehe.so if your loved one is a severe snorer then get them to the GP and ask for a CPAP referral .

shank70 January 16, 2009, 11:30 AM

hiya i have to make a comment.i am a female snorer and have recently started using a CPAP. The effect has pretty instant.The only problem is getting used to sleeping with the mask on.I am sure this will help my husband have a good nights sleep .The main issue for him wasnt the snoring because I was at least breathing.It was when i stopped he had the anxiety.My tests showed I stopped breathing more than 40 times and hour and they were at least for more than 10 seconds.I will be reviewed next monthe so fingers crossed I can keep my mask.My son [6 years old] thinks I look like a real fireman!!!! not sure how to take hehe.so if your loved one is a severe snorer then get them to the GP and ask for a CPAP referral .

nancy m January 16, 2009, 3:07 PM

my husband is killing me with his snoring. I want to kill him. i nudge him all night until he leaves. i’m hating him for this. i just want to punch him in the face i swear. i need nyquil to knock out first so i don’t have to hear his damn snoring. wtf is his problem? im started to really not like this F*(&*(&(). I swear.

LaVonne January 16, 2009, 6:37 PM

Nancy m….you had me in stitches with your comments…but I know how you feel!!! Someone suggested we start a support group…maybe not a bad idea!!!

Alex Farnoosh January 17, 2009, 9:19 PM

I have been able to prepare customized devices for my patients that are economical and have had great results …

mandy February 4, 2009, 1:14 PM

Oh my god Nancy Im with you!!!! Spent the last 3 nights nudging him, kicking him, pushing him, shouting at him etc and then I end up on the settee!!! But wait for it……….. he gets the ump in the morning cos I did them things to him in the night and had a go at him……. its me with sleep deprivation every single night. Does anyone else dread going to bed? I wear ear plugs and sleep before him…… then an hour later I wake up to the dreaded noise!!!!!!! Aggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


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