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I Lost Weight and Now My Friend Hates Me!

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Here's the latest installment of the Friendship Court.

heavy woman and slender woman arguing
Rona from Maryland writes: Cathy and I have been friends for ten years and we were both always overweight ... okay, we were fat! Last summer, around June, I had an epiphany that I didn't want to live this way (overweight) anymore. I talked to Cathy and begged her to join Weight Watchers with me. She refused and said she wasn't ready. Now, months later, I have lost 38 lbs. and I feel great about myself. I am doing stuff I couldn't do before, like running and cycling and I am so happy ... except Cathy hates me. She is so mean to me and blames it on all kinds of stuff, everything except being mad that I have taken control of my life and she hasn't. She actually said, "You were nicer when you were fat." Have I changed or is she jealous? Who would prevail in "The Friendship Court"??

Guest blogger Leslie Adler: Dear Rona, You certainly are a winner in the battle of the bulge but as far as friendship goes, I would deem you both losers in "The Friendship Court."

True friendship is deeper than your appetites and greater than your waist sizes. You have to find a way to communicate with Cathy -- and you should consider an approach that does not imply that being overweight means one is "not in control of their life." You should tell her you love her regardless of what she looks like and you hope she can see it the same way. Tell her how losing the weight has improved your life but communicate that your diet success doesn't make you feel better than her and shouldn't make her feel worse than you. Explain that if and when she is ever ready you would love to be her coach and partner in a weight loss effort. ...and that no matter what weight either of you is at, you would like for the two of you to be great friends. Good luck and thanks for "Tellin' It To The Vuv!"

next: Teens Busted for "Sexting"
3 comments so far | Post a comment now
max August 16, 2010, 9:39 AM

BOTH losers? Oh please… the dieter has done nothing wrong, and you’re assuming she’s actually verbally implied to her friend that she hasn’t taken control of her life.
The overweight friend is jealous AND immature, & needs to grow up.

Alexis December 18, 2010, 10:01 AM

I definitely agree with Max. I am in a similar situation with my friends. I say drop that girl! Don’t talk to her anymore, she’s no good for you if all she does is make you feel bad because you made something out of yourself while she didn’t. You did nothing wrong! And it’s not a coincidence that she started acting this way after you lost weight!

Beki January 25, 2011, 8:28 AM

I had the same issue. I was always unpopular, but I got fat after the birth of my third child. When we moved to a new town I had no trouble making friends. As the weight came of the friends dropped away with the pounds. I get called everything from bony to anorexic. I am a size 5 and 5’3. That is far from bony. I am trim and healthy, but God forbid that looking at me remind someone else that she isn’t. No matter how much I compliment the women around me, no matter how kind I may be to them, they treat me like dirt. The only thing that changed about me was how I look in skinny jeans, but everything changed about the way that they treated me. At least it proved the theory I held growing up that people were just jealous. Actually, one of the few friends I have (very old and dear friend) admits that she didn’t like me at first and it was because I was too smart and too pretty. People just don’t like you if they don’t like themselves. Fortunately, she liked herself enough to realize that she is an awesome person and I’m the only one with a reason to be jealous. lol

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