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The Duggars Make Me Sick

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The Duggars have 18 kids, which is crazy in and of itself. But teaching your kids to abstain from all sexual relations before marriage... these people are nuts!

Annoyed woman watching tv

Guest blogger Samantha: Every time I see something about the Duggars on TV, I get really annoyed. I'm annoyed that they have so many kids, I'm annoyed that all their names start with "J" and I'm annoyed that everything, EVERYTHING, they do and say in life is about their belief in God. Look, I'm all for faith. I'm all for religion. But I lose my patience when it comes to fanatics whose convictions are SO over the top that their very own children (in my opinion) end up brainwashed and robotic.

Meet Joshua Duggar and his new bride Anna.

Last night, as I watched "A Very Duggar Wedding," a reality special on TLC documenting their "union," I wanted to barf. You see, Joshua, 21, and his bride-to-be Anna, have never kissed (yes, that's KISSED!). Both are evangelical Christians and decided that they wanted to enter marriage "pure." Up until their wedding day, the most action that these two CHILDREN had ever gotten was hand-holding (ooh, naughty, naughty!) And now, their very first kiss is supposed to be in front of 300 guests?! Are you kidding me?

Before I even start in on how ridiculous I think this "purity" nonsense is, let me take a moment to talk about their wedding itself: 1) Too much tulle. 2) Someone needs to let the people of Florida know that the crimped long-hair look was out in the '80s 3) It was a dry wedding. (Um, isn't that mean to make them have sex for the first time without any alcohol???) I nearly died when they said "I do," and went for their first kiss as husband and wife. "Don't turn around!," my husband joked as we laughed about what a massive boner Joshua probably had. Then, as the camera zoomed in on Anna wiping her lips and smiling nervously as her virgin tongue went back into her mouth, I literally got queasy. How ridiculous, I thought. How ridiculous to think that not only will these kids never know what it's like to have had sex with anyone else other than each other, but that they will never know what really feels good and really feels right.

If you don't kiss a lot of frogs, how can you know if you even like kissing your prince?! The beauty of experiencing intimacy before marriage is that you CAN determine what you like and don't like -- so that you're not stuck with someone who you come to discover you have ZERO sexual attraction or connection to! As I watched the Duggars walk into their sad little hotel room (hi, TLC, ya coulda sprung for the "honeymoon suite," no?), I couldn't help but wonder if poor Anna, who will not be enjoying sex for quite some time (uh, remember when you lost your virginity), will one day wake up and wish that she had been felt up by someone other than her husband. Second base, people! We're talking about second base! Her boobies have NEVER even been touched by someone else. PATHETIC.

On Joshua and Anna's website, Anna says: "Like Joshua, I was raised in a Christian home, and my parents encouraged me to save my whole heart and purity for the one that God had for me. As a young girl, my parents told me that it was normal to have desires and thoughts, but that it was my responsibility to commit my future to the Lord and trust God to lead me in His timing." Trust God to lead you? Does God know what turns you on? Grow up! You're not proving anything to anyone and I don't believe for one instance that God is going to reward you any differently then the rest of us. You can still be pure, good, and committed to your husband even if you've had multiple partners.

In my opinion, Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar are to blame for this craziness. If I had to share well-deserved attention with 17 other siblings, I might pull a lame stunt like this at my wedding, too. Fortunately for me (and my two sisters), my kiss was short and sweet and my wedding night wasn't as painful as Anna's probably was (unless you count the terrible blister I got from my heels). So, to Joshua and Anna: I truly do hope you had fun on your wedding night and in 50 years are still as hot for each other as you were that night at bible camp. And if there's one thing you don't do like your parents, let's hope it's the baby-making part. For God's sake, Duggars, heed your own advice and ABSTAIN.

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244 comments so far | Post a comment now
nicole January 26, 2009, 3:31 PM

Amen Sister! Lol I find it ironic that my husband and I had many of these same thoughts last night as we watched. It was like a train wreck. Is it bad that I was pissed that the cameras weren’t allowed in the hotel room? HELLO I wanna see this monstrosity! I can tell you one thing for sure - sex will forever be missionary in their life. I’m sure living pure doesn’t involve any freaky action. I think it’s great that they saved themselves for marriage..but the whole kissing thing is, as you put it, just pathetic! They looked like a bunch of 5th grade hormonal kids at their wedding. Nonetheless, congrats guys! I wish you all the best and I sure hope one of those wedding gifts included a Kama Sutra book.

TJ January 26, 2009, 4:08 PM

Wow. Issues. How are these people and their convictions hurting you, exactly? I’m unsure in reading your post…

I say, to each their own. So what if they’ve never kissed? It hurts no one if that’s so. They’re probably both lousy at it, but so what? They don’t need to know how each other’s junk feels to know whether they’ll have a good marriage.

Also, I think it’s an odd statement to say that a person may regret never being felt up by another. I suppose that’s only if you feel you’re missing out. But if the person you’re with does it for you and you’re happy, why should it matter? It’s like a gay person feeling sorry for a straight person they’ve never had gay sex, or for someone who’s never used drugs to be pitied, or the condescending breeder who feels badly for people who’ve chosen to not have kids. Please. All those positions are silly and vomit-inducingly holier-than-thou.

Kat January 26, 2009, 4:08 PM

I hadn’t even heard of this until now. It’s nuts! I agree with you completely. Especially about all the kids! jeez.

Liz January 26, 2009, 4:10 PM

The beauty of this country is that we’re allowed to follow or not follow whatever faith we want but damn, this is extreme. The Duggar’s values remind me of this family that I read about in the Sunday NY Times a number of years back where they discouraged dating because they believed that such an act was “breeding grounds for divorce.”

Anon January 26, 2009, 4:19 PM

Your condescension is astonishing, almost as astonishing as your narrow-mindedness. Some people choose to do things differently and they are not hurting you or anyone else.

My husband and I did not kiss until we were married.

The Duggars are bothersome on several levels - anyone with a reality TV show is bothersome - but waiting for marriage to have sexual contact is not sickening. It is far healthier than promiscuity and what is nauseating about the whole setup was inviting all of America to the wedding not having one’s first kiss there.

Anonymous January 26, 2009, 4:20 PM

Sorry…I wholeheartedly disagree. I could find your way of life as disgusting and repulsive, but I understand that it is just that - something YOU chose. So what if others choose another route. Perhaps you need to step off your mighty high throne and admit you don’t, in fact, know what’s best for every person on the face of the earth.

Jill January 26, 2009, 4:24 PM

Girls, you are not alone. My hubby and I laughed through out the whole show. I think out favorite part of the show was during commercials there was an ad for the morning after pill. Saving their first kiss for their wedding was sweet, but, that look on Anna’s face, it was as if she was thinking “yep I’m a lesbian”.

WK January 26, 2009, 4:35 PM

Ya wanna get down from YOUR high horse for a sec? I have to say I am appalled that this bothers you so badly. Why do you care what they teach their children? I’m sure you will be teaching your kids things I (and others) don’t agree with. According to you it sounds like we should all be sluts and have multiple partners. Well excuse me if I don’t care to have the images of other men in my head while making love to my husband. Abstinence is GOOD for society. You may not agree but it lowers STDs and divorce rates. By abstaining from sexual relations with other partners you have nothing to compare to. Although I didn’t have sex before I was married I did date alot and I wish I hadn’t. Those men, the things we did do, the places we went will always be with me and I can never erase them. I felt (and I know a lot of other women feel this way as well) like I had little pieces of me strewn all over the city that I could never get back. It saddens me that you attack someone’s innocence and desire that it be taken away. I certainly hope you don’t do the same to your child.

Amy January 26, 2009, 4:43 PM

I am astonished at your anger and apparent hurt over the beliefs of the Duggars. Did they hurt you in some way? I’m going to guess that SOMEONE who is a Christian or believes in purity DID hurt you at some point in your life. I can’t think of any other reason why you would exhibit such hatred towards them soley because of their beliefs.

I really think you need to evaluate your stress level and perhaps do some research on the effect of stress on your life if SOMEONE ELSE’s beliefs…that they’ve NEVER said ANYTHING to you personally about…would bother you THAT much.

In my often-humbled opinion, it is NOT “sick” to wait until marriage to have sex. Neither is it sick to attempt to remain as pure as possible before marriage.

You disagree with the Duggar’s. That’s clear. Disagreeing with someone does NOT make them less of a person than you. Nor you them.

To “Jill”-I don’t think we are in any position to assume what Anna (or anyone else) was thinking based on OUR beliefs. I am almost certain Anna was NOT thinking what YOU seem to think she was thinking after her first kiss.

I am amazed at people sometimes. Truly amazed.

Rachel January 26, 2009, 4:55 PM


Lola January 26, 2009, 5:00 PM

Every religion has its beliefs of one thing or another in regards to dating and pre-marital relations. I in all honesty don’t think what Joshua and Anna chose to be weird, it’s just what they felt as being right for them. In every religion, there’s views on pre-marital relations..christians, catholics and religious jews all abstain from pre-marital relations. Orthodox jews don’t touch each other in public or in private prior to marriage… let alone kiss or get to 2nd base and feel each other up,…so really, what’s the big diff?
On another note….the Duggars need immediate information on birth control!!!!

Jennifer January 26, 2009, 5:03 PM

Having never seen (or heard of) the Duggars before now, I must say that I am shocked more at your being so highly offended by their beliefs.

Sex before marriage is something that I am teaching my kids is WRONG. The only man I have ever had sex with is my husband - and he’s the only man I ever intend to have sex with. Why would you want to promote something that could create dissatisfaction with the man you have chosen to spend your life with?

Yes, I did date a few guys before I met him, yes I did kiss some of them, but that is as far as it ever went.

America is a free country - you are free to feel this way about a family that has done nothing to you except be alive, and they are free to live their lives in a way that apparently offends you to your very core.

Honestly, I feel sorry for you and for your children. They will never hear from you the beauty of saving yourself for your marriage bed, for your life-partner and him only.

Intimacy before marriage creates so many issues in our society… unwanted pregnancies, STD’s, and people who are broken before they ever get a chance to grow up and see what life can really be about. If more teens and young adults would follow a path of abstinence and really get to know someone and save sex for marriage we would see a lot less people growing up hating the world for what it did to them. Young girls wouldn’t have to feel that they have to give themselves away to gain acceptance by young boys who are just filling a score card - and vice versa.

Again, WOW… I am simply amazed that you are so peeved over their choice to keep sex as something that should be kept special. It is special, and it should be treated as such.

Oh, and just an FYI - a pure marriage bed can be just as exciting - if not more so - than a bed that has had a line of others pass through. I speak from experience on that one.

Anonymous January 26, 2009, 5:06 PM

It’s funny how you say that they are fanatics about their religion but you are a fanatic about yours. Yes, to those who profess no God for accountability, they are their own god. Everyone worships something. You sound so bitter, like a teenage girl who is jelous she didn’t get picked for the prom. Just because you probably sold our your virginity for a dozen guys doesn’t mean others don’t place value in it and encourage that healthy lifestyle. What makes you think your ways are any better? So being permiscuous is the way? What a wierd type of messed up thinking that is.

Lisa January 26, 2009, 5:08 PM

When I saw that ad for the morning-after pill during that show, I thought OMG that’s ironic, isn’t it. These people that have 18 children because they don’t believe in birth control and here their show is sponsored by the morning-after pill. I really wonder if they know it and if they do will it keep them off the air?

Musings of a Housewife January 26, 2009, 5:25 PM

WOW. What ever happened to live and let live? If I wrote a similar post about the promiscuous or *gasp* gay lifestyle, I’d be accused of being closed minded and hateful. But this is okay how?

Amy January 26, 2009, 5:36 PM

Musings-This is okay because we are supposed to live a “higher” standard. Meaning they can say whatever they want and call us whatever they want but we have to shut up so we don’t offend or annoy anyone.

Another Amy January 26, 2009, 5:48 PM

How is this “wrong?” It’s what they want, it’s what they believe, and this is a free country. Their beliefs aren’t impinging on you - if you don’t like it, here’s a hint - DON’T WATCH THE SHOW!

I waited until marriage to have sex, and guess what - it’s been loads of fun figuring things out with the only man I’ll ever be with. Most of my friends who didn’t wait are jealous - they recount hoards of not-so-great sexual experiences that they regret now. I hope both of my daughters wait until marriage, too.

Honestly, Samantha, get over yourself!

Katelyn January 26, 2009, 5:51 PM

I don’t have a problem with faith, I have a problem with Religion. I see a lot of irresponsibility occurring in the world by people who site The Bible as their main source for guidance. I think these people lack critical-thinking abilities and make sometimes baffling choices.

While I agree that forbidding sex (and certainly kissing!) before marriage is silly, what I really struggle with regarding The Duggars is their insistence on over-populating our already crowded planet, and teaching their children to do the same thing! It’s ludicrous and irresponsible to have 18 children these days. They are walking through life with blinders on.

Oh, and can I also mention how much I loathe “anonymous” commenters? Ugh

Lauren's Mom January 26, 2009, 5:55 PM

I agree to live and let live…..

I find the Duggar’s interesting to say the least..18 kids to much for me
(I only have one).They are raisng overall balanced ,what appears very happy kids.I do think they should probably stop pro-creating at this time but, I am not offended that they have values and morals representing a day and era gone by.The same values I was raised on and it worked very well if I do say so myself.
No before marriage babies,no diseases to limit my sexuality later on when it counted…No hang ups over boys/ men who dogged and treated me wrong.

The Duggars represent what a Christian family aspires to love of Jesus,each other as a family unit and others as an extension of that family. Their ways are not my ways but I get why they have them.

Most just have a hard time living up to it fully but still see sexiual purity as a value worth pursuing. Imagine if a girls waits until 20 or longer she has saved her self much unnecessary heartache and boy distraction when the focus should be on everything else.

Daily we have to watch less that moral images on TV and our kids are getting cues from them instead of the foundations and values that our country was founded on and I for one desire my girl to asprire to. I will love her either way but I am chosing for her until she choses for herself.

As ahe learns her value in the world ,not what ungrounded faithless people say is OKAY…Look where most of them are.

Katherine January 26, 2009, 6:30 PM

Rant much? While that I agree that test-driving a car before buying is important, so to speak, you have to understand that not everyone holds this same conviction. You imply that the Duggar parents are close-minded and backwards, but listen to yourself! Set an example…you could have critiqued their way of life without being so irate and prejudiced. A nice ending along the lines of ‘to each their own’ would have been appropriate. One amazing thing about this country is the fact that the Duggars can do what they want to do, and YOU can do what YOU want to do. While it’s fine to disagree, and to discuss this sort of thing, I do not think that it’s very mature to shred it to pieces in a blistering rant that’s barely intelligible. Providing facts and studies about how these sorts of marriages usually turn out would have been appropriate, rather than basing everything on your own narrow-minded, cite-less babble.

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