Here's the latest installment of the Friendship Court.
Marcy from Connecticut writes: I met Lynn a year ago. We had an instant connection and became very close very fast. I like so many things about her, but I have recently taken to calling her (behind her back) my "top that" friend.
Guest blogger Leslie Adler: Marcy, I declare you a "great friend," because you are seeking advice before you "blow your top" and obviously care about Lynn enough to want to find a way to communicate and continue your friendship. You are not the first Vuv out there to run into the "top that" friend. This personality type has a recurring issue -- insecurity. Whatever Lynn is showing on the outside is masking some inner need to be "top dog" or be validated. Next time you tell her something that happened to you and she "tops that," stop her in her tracks and say, "Lynn, I would appreciate it if I could tell you something about me and you could just
listen and hold off sharing your story. I love hearing about things that have happened to you, but when you immediately respond with something that "bests" my story, it feels like you need to "top me"-- and I am sure you don't mean to do that." This is a kinder and gentler way to discuss the topic than starting with "Lynn, you always ..." She will either just "hear you" or want to discuss it. Either is good. Remember, insecurity is at the core of this issue, so be reassuring about your feelings for Lynn and tell her that because you want this friendship to last, you may point this out in the future, so she can be more cognizant of it. If Lynn is as good a friend as you are, she will appreciate this. Happy New Year Marcy!!
Do you have a "top that" friend? Tell us how you have handled them in the Friendship Court.