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You Are the Worst Role Model -- EVER!

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Guest blogger Mary Poppins: You know, I have heard the Working Mom versus Stay at Home debate over and over again growing up and it's getting annoying. My mom is a working mom, and she did a great job of balancing her job, her three kids, and her husband. It is because of her that I know that I will be able to balance a career and a family -- I have no doubt about it. But working for you has shown me the other side. You are the mother and career woman who strike a balance and because of that, your kids are suffering.

woman in business suit with baby crying on the floor

I know times are hard right now and that you need two incomes to maintain the lifestyle you and your husband want, but I have news for you -- your three kids are suffering from your lack of attention.

Your 4-year-old daughter has problems interacting with people and seeks attention in the worst possible way. Your 10-month-old boy and girl don't know who their mother is and when we go to the park they call any woman with a cell phone "Mama." How sad is that?!

Just in case you are not getting the picture, let me tell you what happened yesterday. Your baby boy kissed you happily as you left for work, but when I left to go to class, he threw himself against the door crying and made it hard for me to leave because he was so upset.

I get that your career is intense. Being a businesswoman is hard and challenging, but so is being a mother. Why is it that you will pass off your children to girls under the age of 22, but that business deal you and your partner are working on cannot survive with just one of you working on it for the day? Your kids don't know you. And you are the only one to blame.

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15 comments so far | Post a comment now
annonymous January 28, 2009, 7:55 AM

I know you will get 1000’s of nastly responces to this post, however this is not one of them.
I worked for four years before my daughters were born. We made the decision that I would quit and there is NO QUESTION that they are better off because of it. Financially was it hard? Of course… did I loose a little piece of who I was at first? No question. Am I far better off as a person, woman, wife and mother because of this choice?? DAMN STRAIGHT!
Working mom’s need to realize that when you made the choice to have children, your “career” now comes second. And any other choice is simply selfish.

Trina January 28, 2009, 8:30 AM

well anonymous, first, i’m not putting my career first, i HAVE to work to beable to help pay our bills. if i had the choice, i’d like to stay home, but you know what. it’s not an option, so don’t make it seem like we are selfish women following our dreams…my job isn’t that great! but even if, who is anyone to judge because a woman decides to work??? why can’t women be supportive of eachother instead of always judging? whats right for you may not be right for someone else

ash January 28, 2009, 9:32 AM

I’m on Trina’s side. While we’re fortunate enough that I only have to work 20 hours a week, I would work more if my family needed the money to put groceries on the table, to get bills paid and to get the things my children need. Where is the selfishness in that?

This article was about a mom who obviously brings her “I only care about work” attitude home and ignores her children AT home. You can do it both, you just have to be level-headed about it.

Jill January 28, 2009, 9:58 AM

Why this is gender biased? This should be written with the point that one parent needs to be home with a child- regardless if its Mom or Dad. Girls need to know that they can pursue college and great careers with the option having their husband stay home with the kids- just like how some boys are taught the same thing; except their wives will raise the children.

Shame on this author- fathers are able to take care of their children too, if their wife is the primary breadwinner.

N January 28, 2009, 10:07 AM

You know this isn’t about the mothers who work. This is about the moms who live for their jobs, would rather be at their jobs. Its one thing to work it quite another for it to be more important than your child.

Barb January 28, 2009, 10:21 AM

I, too, need to work to help our family pay the bills. If I could stay home, I would in a heartbeat, and it hurts to hear other women tromp all over me because I’m not in the same situation as you are. Consider yourself LUCKY and be thankful that you were able to make a choice; for many of us, the choice is to have heat and electricity or not!

And like Jill mentioned, how about the fathers who live for their jobs? It’s just as important for children to know their dad as much as mom. But moms are the only ones who get degraded for working.

Emmy January 28, 2009, 11:03 AM

I’m a SAHM and I totally agree with Trina, the working mom. Why do we have to have this argument over and over again? Can’t we just leave it that 98% of women out there are doing the best they can for their families? In whatever capacity. Let’s just drop it.

Anonymous January 28, 2009, 12:26 PM

If you’re not going to make time for your children, then you shouldn’t have them. Period. This doesn’t mean you need to be a stay at home mom, but it does mean that you should be present enough that your child at least recognizes you. I feel bad for the children in the story, but even worse for the mother who, fifteen years down the road, is going to realize that she sacrificed crucial time with her children for the sake of a high-powered career.

Liz January 28, 2009, 3:43 PM

Why is it that when some issue like abortion comes up, the pro-choice women out there will be falling all over each other to preach their “to each their own” message but then when anything else, breastfeeding, SAHM vs working mothers, number of kids had comes up, everyone acts like their choice is the only one out there? Make the choices that work for you and yours. Stop telling everyone else out there that your way is the only way.

buzz January 29, 2009, 10:41 AM

Liz, I know right? I am a new mommy and thus new to the whole mommy blog thing. Guess what? I am getting sick of moms bashing other moms, it is so immature and probably written for shock value. Isn’t it bad enough we have men judging us all the time as well?

Liz January 29, 2009, 1:17 PM

Buzz, congrats! I definitely feel you… when I first got acquainted with “mommy blogs” I was shocked as well. I thought this community would be supportive and understanding towards each other, but it is truly the exact opposite. I read lots of blogs professionally, in virtually every genre out there… and I must say, the “mommy bloggers” are the only internet community that attacks and judges each other on a regular basis. It’s sad, after all these years, that women continue to do this to each other. (And some dads, too…)

susan February 2, 2009, 11:24 AM

if the extremely small minded writer of this article knew much about kids, she’d (I presume it is a she, since most men don’t tend to judge like this) probably recognise that a 10 month old calling random women mummy is perfectly normal. My son is two, and he still thinks any picture of a woman with dark hair is me, or at least he calls it ‘mummy’ because long dark hair = mummy in his mind. It is not a searing critique of my mothering, it is NORMAL toddler behaviour. Ditto, the crying when the nanny leaves but not the mother. If the nanny doesnt usually leave, but the mother does, that is why the baby is upset- teh change to his routine. It doesn’t mean the child does not know who his mother is, rather that his normal mode of comfort is not there. My child sometimes cries if we take away his favourite stuffed toy, but he doesn’t think it’s his mother.

I also note that all the ire in this ignorant post is aimed at the mother. Funny how men can see children as little as possible, have whatever career they like, and work whatever hours they fancy, and they never get any criticism for the breakdown of society, children’s behavioural issues, or being ‘selfish’. No, no, it’s all perfectly normal if the person doing the job has testicles.

Perhaps if the nanny in question had any empathy, she might try to find out why the parents of these kids were working so hard, and work with them to make it easier for them to spend time with their kids, rather than offloading her personal prejudice on them. Perhaps they are trying to put in a few really hard years so they can have the next ten years without having to worry about money? Maybe they have one big piece of work to pull in that will set them up for a few years? Maybe they aren’t great with small kids but will be fantastic with their teenagers? Who knows… certainly not the nasty, bigoted person who wrote the OP.

Sally February 3, 2009, 7:52 PM

not great with small kids but fantastic with teenagers. shouldn’t a parent be able to be a parent at ALL ages???

susan February 3, 2009, 8:16 PM

I didn’t say unable to parent, I said not great with. Please note the difference. Someone who is naturally gifted with small children may find teenagers difficult and frustrating or vice versa. Being a parent doesn’t mean your normal personality is replaced by a homogenous Happy Days ‘great mum’ personality, you still have strengths and weaknesses, preferences and blind spots fgs. I thought this was supposed to be a site for intelligent debate not just for venting personal prejudices about how other people live their lives. So far I’ve found it dismally disappointing.

Liz R February 10, 2009, 5:06 PM

I’ve read a couple of Mary Poppins posts, and I’m just glad the over-opinionated, under 22 year old know-it-all isn’t my nanny. I’m sure when she becomes a mother herself one day she’ll be glad she already has all the answers.

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