Family Court is Homophobic

Family Court is Homophobic

Monday, January 5, 2009

filed under: family

A Tennessee court doesn't want this divorced mom's kids to know she's a lesbian.

A divorced mom has been informed by a Tennessee family court that her lesbian partner is not allowed to sleep over the same nights that her children sleep over her house.

Angel Chandler and Joseph Barker have been divorced for ten years, and have shared custody of their two kids (ages 13 and 15) since their split. They're both in new relationships -- Barker remarried five years ago while Chandler has been in a monogamous relationship with her partner since 1999. But when they went to court last year to modify the custody arrangements, the state of Tennessee sent both parents and kids for psychological evaluations.

Although the evaluation deemed Angel Chandler's partner to be "a positive influence on her children," the court ignored it.

The women have managed to skirt around the agreement -- somewhat. They live in side-by-side duplexes, so they can abide by court rules and still be together. The ACLU has filed a brief asking the court to remove the restriction, calling it unconstitutional for interfering with Chandler's abilities to raise her children.

Tell us -- If your ex husband was gay, would you not allow your kids to stay over the same night as his partner? Or would you want them to see both sides of a happy, monogamous relationship? Comment in the momlogic community.

25 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

LOL. Ok, these are teenagers? One: As if they don’t already know… you went to court over it! Two: Who’se going to be watching to make sure she follows through on this?! How RIDICULOUS AND WRONG! She should sue with the ACLU

- HIRH

Posted 01/05/09 08:15 PM

Seeing as each case is different. Let me tell you mine. My hubby and his ex divorced 12 years ago and the ex wife was a lesbian. The lesbian girlfriend was telling my step daughter to call her “daddy” because she was the more manly one. Mind you at this point the child was 6 years old. So from then on every partner her mother had was “daddy” yet she had a biological dad. The mother would have relations with the child in bed with her. The child now is bisexual at 18 years old. She also suffers from PTSD, OCD, OD, ADHD and the most important diagnosis is Reactive Attachment Disorder. I’m not against lesbians or gays having family but not every relationship is one that should be presented to children. If the psychological testing shows that this relationship and the other woman are of good positive influence to the children then she needs to fight for her rights. In our case, the psychological testing proved that the mother was not of right mind, nor were her relationships good for this child, and ended up several years later serving several years in prison. My step daughter is forever ruined we’ve tried every possible fix and we still have a broken child at 18 whom mentally is stuck at age 6. :(

- ~kat

Posted 01/05/09 08:28 PM

Wow that is the strangest ruling I’ve heard in awhile. Did the Dad request this type of ruling or was this strictly put upon them by the court? Being a Christian and not agreeing with gay marriage I still have to agree that this is going over the line. I grew up with a gay mom and lived with her and her partner for quite a few years. Granted no one was allowed to know about for fear I would be teased and ostracized at school. But I was able to make my own decision about whether I agreed with their choices or not. I am sure that these teenagers are just the same.

- WK

Posted 01/05/09 08:34 PM

Um, no. I’m going to say it’s NOT okay. Ridiculous is more like it! What kind of justice is that? Especially if the evaluation found the partner to be a positive influence. This kind of thing makes me crazy.

- Julia

Posted 01/05/09 08:48 PM

Kat, I agree with you about not presenting every relationship to your kids. My ex husband sees no problem with leaving my 9 year old with who ever his latest is in the rare times he spends with our son so that he can go do stuff he wants to do. I don’t know these women and they never last! If the relationship turns serious yes, introduce this person to your kids but until then - keep it to yourself. As for this situation the judge is being foolish. This is a long term, stable relationship and there is no reason for this ruling. Honestly, do we live in a free country anymore because I am beginning to wonder!

- Kara

Posted 01/05/09 11:22 PM

This is too crazy and ridiculous. I can’t believe the father, after all this time would want something like this; and for the courts to uphold! What happened to her constitutional rights and her parental rights. I can see if its documented that the children were in harms way, but come on they are teenagers and not little ones. The judge in this matter, will have to answer to a much high power, in the long run.

- D Upson

Posted 01/06/09 07:35 AM

TN courts are not homophobic. In every TN divorce case I’ve known, they all stipulate that neither parent can have a paramour (lover/partner they are not married to) stay overnight when the minor children are present. If this father were not married to his new wife, she couldn’t spend the night when the children are present. The problem here is that TN does not permit gay marriage. As a hetero female, I honestly don’t care either way. I would bet a dime to a dollar, though, that if there was ever a vote on homosexual marriage in TN,the outcome would be a great big NO.

- ame i.

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