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12 Oscar Categories for Babies

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Guest blogger Paul Starke: Sunday night is Oscar night! And while Hollywood spends four plus hours congratulating itself, I thought that if there were such a thing as the Baby Oscars, my little boy Luke would be the Meryl Streep of them. He really can transform himself into any role, and does a remarkable Finnish accent. I think Baby Oscars would be a fun telecast. Although after Luke's finished with it, the red carpet would be more like a brown carpet. Here now, "12 Oscar Categories for Babies," and my predictions for the winners:

baby fart

1 - Best Achievement in Weiner Pulling - Luke (although I'd have swept this category as a tween).

2 - Best Original Song - "Pfffthhhtttttt" by Luke Starke.

3 - Best Costume Design - Pampers Swaddlers. Incidentally, that's also who Luke will be wearing Oscar night.

4- Best Supporting Actress - Our nanny, who pretends she still likes us after spending 10 months with us.

5 - Least Supporting Husband - Me, for my uncanny portrayal as a lazy, unkempt shlub in "Football Season."

6 - Outstanding Special Effects - Luke during lunch. His transformation from mild-mannered baby to mashed-banana wielding psychopath is astonishing!

7 - Best Actor - Mickey Rourke in "The Wrestler." He really was wonderful.

8 - Creepiest Performance by an Annoying Old Person - That strange lady in Starbucks who tried to give Luke an old Ricola Lozenge from her pocket.

9 - Most Inappropriate Word Said in a Playground - "Anus," by me. Don't ask. Suffice it to say I'm no longer allowed in certain Brooklyn Heights playgrounds.

10 - Best Original Score - The night Luke was conceived. 3 minutes of laughter (my wife's) and tears (mine).

11 - Best Actress - My wife, the same night that #10 occurred. And on our honeymoon.

12 - Lifetime achievement Award - My wife Melissa, of course.

next: Students Face Suspension for YouTube Fight Videos
8 comments so far | Post a comment now
Anonymous February 20, 2009, 3:41 PM

How about for the smelliest butt?

helen February 20, 2009, 7:37 PM

funniest blog ever!

Ju February 27, 2009, 3:37 AM

This is so funny!

rugbymom March 24, 2009, 12:02 PM


Wes September 8, 2009, 7:51 AM

Hello. For the night was not impartial. No, the night loved some more than others, served some more than others.
I am from Islands and also am speaking English, give please true I wrote the following sentence: “Mark highlights to the length demonstration, where he tells maureen’s view, joanne.”

Regards :-) Wes. June 1, 2011, 5:22 PM

12_oscar_categories_for_babies.. OMG! :) June 3, 2011, 8:20 AM

12_oscar_categories_for_babies.. Slap-up :) June 5, 2011, 8:35 AM

12_oscar_categories_for_babies.. Dandy :)

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