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Pro-Choice? Quit Crying About Your Miscarriage

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Editor's note: momlogic values the right of every woman to have -- and express -- their opinion, and this post is no exception. For those who have a strong reaction to the sentiments expressed below, we encourage you to make your voice heard in our community.

Guest blogger Gina: I respect women's right to choose, but I have little tolerance for pro-choicers who expect sympathy when they have a miscarriage.

depressed looking woman

These are women who put pro-choice buttons on their backpacks in college and ridiculed pro-lifers for being backward, repressive religious freaks who want to control the world's uteruses.

Ten years have passed and lo and behold, these women have grown up, gotten married, and now have the itch to have a baby of their own. Suddenly the monthly visitor that they were relieved to get when they were 20, now, at 32, plunges them into the depths of depression.

Like vegetarians who eat chicken but not beef, many pro-choice advocates want it both ways. It's a baby when they want it to be, it's a bundle of cells when they don't.

If you believe that pregnancy doesn't produce a baby until some magic number (13 weeks? 20 weeks? 40?), then you must also agree that it's ridiculous to break down in hysterics, set up a memorial website for your "angel," and seek out a grief counselor when you start bleeding in your first trimester. After all, you're simply talking about the loss of a conglomeration of microscopic cells, right?! That's hardly something to cry about.

Advocate all you want, but don't come crying to me when your hypocrisy hits you like a ton of bricks. If you are going to defend the right to abort babies, you don't have the right to be upset when yours dies.

next: Coroner: Death of Boy, 10, at Ill. School Suicide
350 comments so far | Post a comment now
Kara February 4, 2009, 6:23 AM

You’ve got to be kidding me. I think it is a shame that momlogic specifically posts articles meant to incite dissent. I simply cannot imagine the person that wrote this actually feels this way - it’s just too much to believe. The last comment specifically is seriously tragic. If the person that wrote this really does feel this way then I must say I hope she never has children because we already have too many heartless bastards in the world and we don’t need her raising more of them.

redmum February 4, 2009, 7:27 AM

“Like vegetarians who eat chicken but not beef,” mmm they aren’t vegetarians then. Moot point there.

At the core of being pro-choice is having control over your own reproductive rights, which includes having children. I guess that passed you by.


Anonymous February 4, 2009, 8:14 AM

i just don’t even know what to say….

Paige February 4, 2009, 8:19 AM


Anonymous February 4, 2009, 8:45 AM

I am absolutely floored by this. If you honestly respected a woman’s right to choose, you would respect her feelings when she did decide to have a baby.

And if you’re going to make broad generalizations about these women, I’ll make one as well — you should respect the fact that they waited to have children until they knew they could care for that baby properly.

Uly February 4, 2009, 9:14 AM

It’s not the same thing at all, and attempting to equate them is absurd.

If you want a kid, having a miscarriage - even at an early stage - can be very upsetting. Even if you consciously think of it as just a lump of tissue (which it is in the early stages) *you* were already planning names for when it got a little more human and was born.

Aside from which, the right to choose means the right to choose pregnancy as well as the right to choose not to be pregnant.

Anonymous February 4, 2009, 9:23 AM

What the $@** was this article writer thinking. If you were my friend I would say you weren’t. You should go in a closet and just stay there.

Hollie February 4, 2009, 9:25 AM

This should not have even been posted. Hate and spite have no place here.

mollysmom February 4, 2009, 9:29 AM

i see what you’re saying i’m just not sure i agree with it.

R February 4, 2009, 9:31 AM

While I may not agree with the cold-hearted nature of this article, I can see a piece of the point being made. The “chicken not beef” line was meant to show the hypocrisy of someone taking a life in the name of choice in one breath while crying over the life being taken naturally in another. In both cases a life is gone, but for some reason if you choose to end it for your own reasons it’s okay. I still think these mothers deserve the right to grieve their miscarriages, but they should have thought about the child in them before aborting as well.

Anonymous February 4, 2009, 9:31 AM

I agree. ML can get pretty negative sometimes. Where is the love and uplifting stuff. Or does ML think that all women are bit@hty and act like we are still in high school. Like the articles calling people FAT. What’s that about.

Andrea February 4, 2009, 9:39 AM

This is one of the most illogical things I have read in a long time. Comparing as miscarriage to an abortion? Did a woman really write this? Shame on you.

Ginny February 4, 2009, 9:44 AM

Ok. So let me get this straight. When ML posts an article about something that isn’t politically correct, or liberal, it is considered “hate and spite? hypocrisy? Negative? Not thinking?” Give me a break. Just because you may not agree with it, doesn’t mean the opinion isn’t legit. It’s all a paradox. Both sides. I may not agree with how blunt this article is, but I’m glad it was posted. I’m not “pro” anything. I don’t want the gov’t telling me what I can do with my own body, but I also believe we need to protect life, which begins at conception people.

Ginny February 4, 2009, 9:45 AM

Oh… and I just LOVE how brave people are to criticize and then post it from anonymous.

Ginny2 February 4, 2009, 9:48 AM

WOW do you think that because you post under “Ginny” you are not anonymous. Ok….

Anonymous February 4, 2009, 9:53 AM

ditto ginny 2

Michelle February 4, 2009, 10:04 AM

It’s not a “bundle of cells when they want it to be,” and a baby when they want children. Most pro-choice people aren’t as stupid as you people say they are. When they DO become pregnant willingly, they celebrate the POTENTIAL child. But until it’s a fetus with brain activity, they recognize it as a POTENTIAL child. Not a child. A lot of people who are pro-choice wouldn’t consider aborting past the first trimester because of this. But that doesn’t mean we judge women who do, because we don’t know their situation.

A miscarriage is always sad, whether it’s a pro-choice woman or not. How could you ever NOT feel sorry for them? At least these women show responsibility in waiting to have a child, so their child will grow up with opportunity, love, and the proper care.

As a woman, you should understand how important those things are for children. If a baby is unwanted or born to underprivileged parents, it may be neglected or abused, not given enough to eat or not loved, perhaps unable to afford school and clothing. Is that what you want for babies? Think like a LOVING mother, won’t you.

ls February 4, 2009, 10:23 AM

Surely, surely you can find writers with opinions that are actually based on some sort of logical conclusions to events, not this idiocy. CHOOSING to end a pregnancy for any number of reasons is hardly the same thing as miscarrying a wanted pregnancy. This is ridiculous. Would you publish an op-ed piece that asserted that the death of an infant should not be grieved the same as the death of an older child, or something else so far-fetched? Can’t you find real topics and have people write about them with compassion and humor, instead of taking a page from some tawdry tabloid? Apparently not.

you are so wrong February 4, 2009, 10:36 AM

Sorry, not all pro-choice advocates believe “It’s a baby when they want it to be, it’s a bundle of cells when they don’t”. Pro-choice simply means believing in allowing women to make their own choices and decisions - it doesn’t mean you necessarily personally condone abortion, just that others have a right to choose and believe as they want.

ash February 4, 2009, 10:37 AM

This is by far the worst article i have ever read on here and is enough to keep me from coming back. not only is this cold-hearted and ridiculous, but it’s completely WRONG. just because we’re pro-choice does not mean we don’t deserve the right to HAVE A BABY. of course someone who is pro choice would be upset if they had a miscarriage, they are only human. way to go mom logic, you posted a HORRIBLE story.

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