Pro-Choice? Quit Crying About Your Miscarriage

Pro-Choice? Quit Crying About Your Miscarriage

Thursday, February 5, 2009

filed under: health logic

Editor's note: momlogic values the right of every woman to have -- and express -- their opinion, and this post is no exception. For those who have a strong reaction to the sentiments expressed below, we encourage you to make your voice heard in our community.

Guest blogger Gina: I respect women's right to choose, but I have little tolerance for pro-choicers who expect sympathy when they have a miscarriage.

These are women who put pro-choice buttons on their backpacks in college and ridiculed pro-lifers for being backward, repressive religious freaks who want to control the world's uteruses.

Ten years have passed and lo and behold, these women have grown up, gotten married, and now have the itch to have a baby of their own. Suddenly the monthly visitor that they were relieved to get when they were 20, now, at 32, plunges them into the depths of depression.

Like vegetarians who eat chicken but not beef, many pro-choice advocates want it both ways. It's a baby when they want it to be, it's a bundle of cells when they don't.

If you believe that pregnancy doesn't produce a baby until some magic number (13 weeks? 20 weeks? 40?), then you must also agree that it's ridiculous to break down in hysterics, set up a memorial website for your "angel," and seek out a grief counselor when you start bleeding in your first trimester. After all, you're simply talking about the loss of a conglomeration of microscopic cells, right?! That's hardly something to cry about.

Advocate all you want, but don't come crying to me when your hypocrisy hits you like a ton of bricks. If you are going to defend the right to abort babies, you don't have the right to be upset when yours dies.

306 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

Hey honey. I really hope you’re not thinking this makes you more like me. Because honestly you’re being pretty angry at a bunch of your neighbors you don’t even know, and that’s not good. I love those pro-choicers even if they choose to have an abortion. It is their body. My Father made them that way, with the ability to use tools, reasoning, their brain, and make decisions. Besides, pro-choice just means they have a choice in the matter, not that they are automatically going to choose to abort the baby. And if they do, I will take it with Me. Love you & spread some love!

- Jesus Christ

Posted 02/06/09 08:37 PM

I agree with this post. I have had abortions and now I am a mother. I never grieved for my “unborn” children although I love my son to bits. I plan to have more children, and if I have an early miscarriage or if I can never have more children I would not get too upset. Life is what you make it. People need to get over themselves and their hangups. She’s new saying just because you are pro-choice you don’t deserve to get pregnant. She is ONLY SAYING that if you are pro-choice you are making a decision of when you consider an embryo more than just cells. So if you have a miscarriage at 2 months you are not loosing a baby. You are loosing some stem cells.

- mary

Posted 02/06/09 10:30 PM

hmmm well, here’s the thing, being pro choice doesn’t neccesarily mean you would want an abortion. Just becuase you are pro choice does not mean you wouldn’t want a baby. There are women who feel hapy and elated when they find they are pregnant and those who feel fear and/ or anger. Then, there are women who have had the time to come to terms of the fact that they are pregnant even if they didn’t want to be and then suddenly they aren’t anymore. It’s not an easy thing to have a miscarriage no matter who you are.

- Anonymous

Posted 02/06/09 11:15 PM

I find one common assumption in these debates: that if a woman is pro-choice, why then she must naturally be willing to undergo one herself. I am pro-choice. I am not willing to have an abortion. I do not even recommend undergoing an abortion. I also do not recommend eating processed cheese, drinking cheap beer, wearing checks with plaids, or listening to Mannheim Streamroller, but nevertheless, I support the right of others to pursue happiness the best way they can. That is the whole point of choice — it’s not my body, it’s not my life, it’s not my right to judge, and it’s not any of my damned business.

- Anonymous

Posted 02/07/09 02:41 AM

wow… is it lonely up there on your pedestal? I imagine it is because who would want to be up there with you?!?! Not only are you insensitive but you are VERY ignorant. Maybe you should try doing a lil bit of research and thinking before you open your mouth again… we can only hope that you are unable to reproduce and continue to spread your hate and ignorance… I think we all agree that the world could use a lot less of both!!!!!!!

- disgusted

Posted 02/07/09 06:20 AM

Being an infertile women makes me even more pro choice. Since I don’t have a choice to have a child because of “parts problems” I respect those who do have and can exercise their choice….but then I’ve always been very fair mineded

- tinat

Posted 02/07/09 12:01 PM

I am thoroughly offended by you, and your post. You obviously have not been through anything fertility related in your life that has not been easy breezy. Have you EVER had unprotected sex when you were young? I bet you did, I bet some guy said “oh, come on, just this one time” and you were just lucky enough for it not to be at a time of the month when you were ovulating. Have you EVER been through so much in your life that you didn’t find your true match until you were already well into your 30’s, only to find out you have multiple fibroids (that were probably caused from the first pregnancy) and a uterine septum which caused your miscarriage? I cannot express enough how sick I am of hearing from people that have never had to make any of these choices who are now telling ME what is right and wrong. Gina - the reason you have little tolerance is because you have not been through it yourself. If you have, you would not have this attitude. Stop judging other people and pay attention to the choices you have to make in life. Maybe you will be lucky enough to not have to make these types of choices, but for those of us that do we will rejoice or cry if we want to and will continue to advocate our beliefs, since it is our right just as it is your right to post this jaded opinion.

- CD

Posted 02/07/09 12:23 PM

Has it ever occurred to you that pro choice can be pro life if your choosing your life and your family’s life? No, I can tell already you’d disagree with that - because you’ve NEVER been faced with such a horrid decision of which life to choose. Your wildest imagination as to why a woman would choose to abort could probably never even scratch the surface of the reality of it, Your ignorant and have the balls (not even balls) - the stupidity to actually post something about this. Well let me tell you something, women who are pro-choice - and have even had an abortion themselves don’t walk away feeling good about their decision, they morn and grieve their decision, this is not an easy decision just because they made it. We’re NOT cold hearted, Abortion is a loss, it’s painful and if you don’t think so, go check out the abortion support boards of the nightmares, grief and hell these women go through, there is another side you obviously don’t see. And when there is another natural loss on top of it - believe me, the pain comes from a deeper place than just losing their current baby, there is a whole other place of hell we go through because of our decision to abort a baby in the past. Something I’m sure someone as heartless as you would actually get a cheap thrill from. As far as I’m concerned - your heart is much colder than any “Pro Choice” woman.

- Sayme

Posted 02/07/09 12:28 PM

Absolutely! I don’t believe in some god, but I do believe in family values. Getting pregnant is a decision and NEVER happens by accident. I am 41 and this so called accident has never happened to me. There is no excuse for abortion. People that believe in killing things are the freaks. People will bring up the rape issue I am sure, but if a woman was responsible she would use a form of BC like an IUD, pills, something in case an unfortunate rape was to happen.

- me

Posted 02/07/09 01:35 PM

Wow, it’s like I could hear Jesus speaking right through you! I agree with Mrs. Spit, Momlogic. Just because you have the right to say (or publish) something, doesn’t mean you should. Freedom of speech untempered by compassion and kindness is just another form of bullying.

- jessica Davenport

Posted 02/07/09 01:54 PM

I’ve read these comments for a few days and refrained from posting until now. I don’t think the post generalized ALL pro-choicers as someone who doesn’t get any sympathy. Gina talked about the EXTREMIST feminists who parade around with signs and protest for womens rights (I’m assuming this because she talked about the buttons on the backpack, and to me those peeps are on the extreme side of the feminist movement). They are the ones that usually say that what most people might call a “baby” they call “a lump of cells” in order to validate legal abortions. Same argument used when people tried to make it so you had to see the baby on an ultrasound before the abortion in hopes of creating an emotional attachment to “a lump of cells”. If you have never had an abortion nor thought of a “baby” as “a lump of cells” I’m sure you do not fall into the category of who Gina was talking about. I can step back and understand what she was trying to say and I see the hypocrisy in someone wanted it one way when its convenient for them and another when they want something else. It is Gina’s own personal choice to feel nothing for someone who asks for sympathy under her personal standards. So, let her be. If you think she is hateful, move on. You only give her power when you spew your hate back at her. If you agree, then so be it. I hate the Klu Klux Klan but they have every right to say what they want in this country whether I like it or not. It is my choice to turn away and not listen to it. I would advise others to do the same………

- Queen Bee

Posted 02/07/09 02:18 PM

This is terrible, not logical at all.

- Becky

Posted 02/07/09 02:39 PM

Great post! Of course “choicers” won’t see it that way. They want it both ways. It is only a “baby” if they want it to be… An prolifers are called heartless???

- Anonymous

Posted 02/07/09 02:42 PM

I’ve never been to MomLogic before but visited to see what the fuss was about with this post. Luckily, nobody has the right to ever make me click over to it again. Re the disclaimer about posting any and all opinions … I think whomever runs this joint needs better judgment. There’s a huge difference between controversial opinion based on logical arguments and tasteless, senseless, illogical drivel that reads like irrational hate speech. As for the “writer,” (and btw, is this person a mother herself? so scary), I don’t think anyone should waste time trying to explain anything to her. People like her (selfish, stupid, totally lacking in empathy) won’t respond to reason, ever, and frankly can’t “hear” or “see” anything beyond what ridiculous things she says or does herself. Not worth it.

- Lisa

Posted 02/07/09 07:45 PM

Choice: Pronunciation: \ˈchȯis\ Function: noun 1: the act of choosing : selection 2: power of choosing : option

- uhhh

Posted 02/07/09 09:14 PM

Wow, I can’t believe a human wrote this. Just because a woman is pro-choice does not mean that they were planning to have an abortion or that they cannot grieve the loss of their fetus. Honestly, who the hell is pro-abortion? No one! We are pro-CHOICE. There is a huge difference. Whoever wrote this is a disgusting and bitter human being.

- Anonymous

Posted 02/07/09 09:48 PM

You all got your undies in a bundle because this writer actually exposed the idiocy of the proabort industry. Why would a mom who miscarries a blot of tissue or cells grieve? I mean, come on, if you abort a 10 week blob of tissue, what’s the difference than if you miscarry a blob of tissue? Oh, right. It’s the mom’s “choice” on whether the life she is ending is really a life or not. Get real here ladies…

- Anonymous

Posted 02/08/09 12:55 AM

No, you imbecile, pro choice means just that, pro CHOICE not pro ABORTION. Just because you support someones right to CHOOSE whether to become a parent or not doesn’t mean you don’t want kids yourself! Maybe pro-lifers would be ridiculed less if they didn’t spout so much ignorant garbage, hmm?

- Soph

Posted 02/08/09 12:06 PM

Being pro-choice is not about being pro-abortion though the fact is that many pro-choicers ARE pro-abortion because we simply see nothing immoral about it. But the reality is that to be pro-choice is to be respectful of a woman’s right to CHOOSE, which should be self-explanatory but apparently is too much for the simplistic, selfish, and childish worldview of the typical anti-choicer. Simply put, people who are pro-choice as JUST as opposed to forced abortions as they are forced birth. It’s about a woman’s CHOICE to have absolute control over the functions of her own body, after all, which extends equally to a woman’s right to give birth if she so desires. Suggesting that women who are pro-choice don’t have the right to mourn miscarriages assumes that all pro-choice women are opposed to having children, and this just goes back to the average anti-choicer being dreadfully lacking in critical thinking skills. Why is this site called “momlogic” when it’s clear as crystal that there’s no logic involved? There’s nothing here except bullshit emotionalism with no bearing in reality?

- Nimbrethil

Posted 02/08/09 06:04 PM

Wow, you are so backward. Yeah pro-choice to me is I choose to have a child or not, if I get pregnant and wanted the child and then had a miscarriage it would be the same if a ‘pro-lifer’ did, i’d be upset and mourn the loss. pro-choice does not equal pro-abortion.. please figure out what being pro-choice really is and get back to me

- Nikki

Posted 02/08/09 08:08 PM