Pro-Choice? Quit Crying About Your Miscarriage

Pro-Choice? Quit Crying About Your Miscarriage

Thursday, February 5, 2009

filed under: health logic

Editor's note: momlogic values the right of every woman to have -- and express -- their opinion, and this post is no exception. For those who have a strong reaction to the sentiments expressed below, we encourage you to make your voice heard in our community.

Guest blogger Gina: I respect women's right to choose, but I have little tolerance for pro-choicers who expect sympathy when they have a miscarriage.

These are women who put pro-choice buttons on their backpacks in college and ridiculed pro-lifers for being backward, repressive religious freaks who want to control the world's uteruses.

Ten years have passed and lo and behold, these women have grown up, gotten married, and now have the itch to have a baby of their own. Suddenly the monthly visitor that they were relieved to get when they were 20, now, at 32, plunges them into the depths of depression.

Like vegetarians who eat chicken but not beef, many pro-choice advocates want it both ways. It's a baby when they want it to be, it's a bundle of cells when they don't.

If you believe that pregnancy doesn't produce a baby until some magic number (13 weeks? 20 weeks? 40?), then you must also agree that it's ridiculous to break down in hysterics, set up a memorial website for your "angel," and seek out a grief counselor when you start bleeding in your first trimester. After all, you're simply talking about the loss of a conglomeration of microscopic cells, right?! That's hardly something to cry about.

Advocate all you want, but don't come crying to me when your hypocrisy hits you like a ton of bricks. If you are going to defend the right to abort babies, you don't have the right to be upset when yours dies.

306 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

Astonishing ignorance displayed in this article. Clearly the author is about 14 years old, never had a child, or if they had, they did so sitting proudly on their laurels that they did. Pro-choice and life arguments have no place in the death of a child. This I say as a mother who had hers die on an operating table. Whomever wrote this should be ashamed.

- Astonished

Posted 02/04/09 10:39 AM

There is no comparison between choosing to have an abortion and accidentally losing a baby you really want. What kind of dimwit can’t see that? This post has no place on a blog for moms. It is anti-mom, anti-woman, anti-intelligence. Awful. I hope MomLogic is taking a serious look at their agreement to include posts from you in the future. You don’t get it.

- Angeline

Posted 02/04/09 10:40 AM

I think the blogger has some issues that they need to deal with on their own. I am pro-choice. I believe it is a bundle of cells until it is viable outside of the uterus. I also have six children of my own and I love each and everyone of them. But If I suffered a miscarriage, the shock and pain and grief of it all would be just as devastating to me whether I am pro-life or pro-choice. I am a woman first with feelings and emotions just like anyone else. We have the write to free speech and expressing opinions (and thank God this is just that…an opinion) but sometimes we seriously need to THINK before we SPEAK and WRITE.

- KH

Posted 02/04/09 10:43 AM

This is a ridiculous article! I am a pro-choicer myself. That does not mean that I would myself EVER have an abortion. I support women’s right to choose what’s best for them. I find this offensive and insensitive. And to OP - you can find compassion for some life but not for ALL life. You are a hypocrit yourself.

- Karrie

Posted 02/04/09 10:43 AM

I’ve always said I was pro-choice, but really, I’m anti-govt interference with my body. I always knew abortion was not an option for me. I have a one year old, and I think motherhood has made me appreciate the sanctity of life even more. Having said that, I would imagine that most, if not all, women who have an abortion are haunted by their decision on some level, regardless of the reason for the abortion, just as most, if not all, women who miscarry are haunted by it on some level. It’s that whole POTENTIAL for life issue. Yet, I also find it interesting that when talk of abortion comes up, it’s usually referenced to as “the fetus”. Yet when women get pregant intentionally, it’s ALWAYS “the baby.”

- Nicole

Posted 02/04/09 10:46 AM

Wow, I just started following Momlogic and this article makes me sick. In the short time Ive been reading your articles, I’ve come to find this is less and less about motherhood and more about ridiculous topics and more about dividing us. I’m done with mom logic and I’m sure I’m not the only one. I definitely WON’T be recommending this site to any of my friends.

- Nic

Posted 02/04/09 10:51 AM

For everyone who does not like this article and are fed up with the negative topics go to the Contact Us link at the bottom of the site and voice your opinions.

- Dionne

Posted 02/04/09 11:03 AM

This argument makes no sense at all. Being pro choice does not mean that you yourself have had abortions or support abortions, it means you support a woman’s right to do with her body as she sees fit. Im not sure how this ties to one’s feelings on a miscarriage? Id be angry about this post but obviously the writer seems to have some issues so I kind of feel sorry for her.

- Khadra

Posted 02/04/09 11:05 AM

Is this post some sort of joke? I think your point of view may be tainted by some past personal experience, and doesn’t change the fact that losing a baby you so dearly want is still loss. Loss is loss. I think perhaps you need a hug and some cookies.

- Lori

Posted 02/04/09 11:05 AM

I’m not sure if this article was posted purely to generate controversy and therefore more Web site traffic, but this is such a heartless and narrow-minded view from the guest blogger. It does not allow room for a person to change. Just because a woman was pro-choice 15 years ago does not mean that she is incapable of changing. And to do casually and heartlessly dismiss a woman’s grief is absurd. Guest blogger “Gina” clearly has some unresolved issues in her own life. She needs to resolve them and not take her anger out of others. What good does that do? When I was younger, back in college, I was pro-choice. I thought a woman should have the right to choose. That’s because I didn’t understand or value human life. I was young and dumb. I am not pro-life, but I don’t condemn those who choose otherwise. Instead, I pray for them and hope that they eventually understand what they have done. It is not our job to judge others. This post saddened me, but I will keep Gina in my prayers and hope that she some day realizes how cold her views are.

- Gary

Posted 02/04/09 11:09 AM

I am currently pregnant with my first child and reading this article made me sick to my stomach. I do not believe in abortions for myself but I am still very much prochoice, and outraged at the insensitivity displayed here. This will be my first and last visit to this site. This person is clearly not a mom, and if she is, she is definitely not a logical one. Just because you believe that a woman deserves the right to choose what happens with her uterus, does not mean you shouldn’t have the right to grieve the loss of your own baby. That’s just sick.

- Nicole

Posted 02/04/09 11:12 AM

“Guest blogger Gina: I respect women’s right to choose”, so therefore you are pro-choice, and when you have a miscarriage we shouldn’t feel sorry for you and call you a hypocrite when you are sad about the loss of your child…or bundle of cells?

- CATHY

Posted 02/04/09 11:19 AM

Can’t believe this was written, much less posted in such a manner. Had a baby and lost her at 28 weeks. 7 MONTHS we’re talking here. Named and had her via c/section. To say it was a bunch of cells and not a BABY I was CHOOSING to have vs. aborting earlier, and not expecting to grieve over something I felt moving in my body for months is something I cannot believe you are saying is similiar. I don’t think the article was horrible per say, but your last comments are what got to me the most. Thank you for ruining my day.

- Angela

Posted 02/04/09 11:24 AM

This is horrifying. Just because these women- I among them- support a basic human right, they should be denied the right to ever HAVE a baby? You are just so wrong. That’s not how it works. Keep your hatred to yourself, I’ll have a baby if I damn well want to, you horrible bitch!

- mommyabby

Posted 02/04/09 11:31 AM

Pro Choice means simply that, the right to choose. I know many women who would never have an abortion but are absolutely pro choice. Just because a women chooses not to have a baby in the wrong situation you should never assume she does not that mourn that loss. And if years later she goes on to choose to have her baby and miscarries she has every right to grieve. This article is so hypocritical and uneducated I truly hope no woman who was ever in this situation or will be pays any attention to this author’s point.

- J

Posted 02/04/09 11:40 AM

She may have been a little cold in her delivery, but I agree with her logic. She isn’t saying they don’t deserve a baby. She is just saying that if you have a 1st trimester loss why cry if you don’t think it is a baby? I think that those who were really aggervated about this are probably prochoicers. So, yeah, you would never see her side.

- Anonymous

Posted 02/04/09 11:43 AM

Wow really? Im shocked but also not surprised….To the person who wrote this article…read your last sentence out loud: “If you are going to defend the right to abort babies, you don’t have the right to be upset when yours dies” does this make any sense to you at all? Simple math…choice=abortion, not having a choice = miscarriage…

- Lynda

Posted 02/04/09 11:55 AM

So if I’m pro-death penalty, I can’t be sad when a relative dies? That makes about as much sense as this blog post. Which is to say, none at all.

- Di

Posted 02/04/09 12:03 PM

Last time I’m ever coming to this site. Will be spreading the word how hurtful Momlogic is.

- Brittany

Posted 02/04/09 12:07 PM

are you kidding me? why would Momlogic post such rubbish? Seriously- I don’t think it’s ok for anyone to tell a woman who’s suffered a miscarriage to just “deal with it” because at some point in their life they were pro-choice- pro choice doesn’t mean they believe someone should run to their nearest clinic and abort a baby, pro choice means they believe a woman has a right to chose how to handle said pressure, if she was raped or otherwise not prepared to bring a baby into the world for whatever reason or she decides to keep the baby whether she meant to get pregnant with it or not. Pro choice means simply that- Believe in the right for a woman to CHOSE what to do with her own body , baby, and mind. This woman sounds like an uneducated pain in the royal a** , who should get over her OWN inadequacies and insecurities.

- Emily

Posted 02/04/09 12:07 PM