Pro-Choice? Quit Crying About Your Miscarriage

Pro-Choice? Quit Crying About Your Miscarriage

Thursday, February 5, 2009

filed under: health logic

Editor's note: momlogic values the right of every woman to have -- and express -- their opinion, and this post is no exception. For those who have a strong reaction to the sentiments expressed below, we encourage you to make your voice heard in our community.

Guest blogger Gina: I respect women's right to choose, but I have little tolerance for pro-choicers who expect sympathy when they have a miscarriage.

These are women who put pro-choice buttons on their backpacks in college and ridiculed pro-lifers for being backward, repressive religious freaks who want to control the world's uteruses.

Ten years have passed and lo and behold, these women have grown up, gotten married, and now have the itch to have a baby of their own. Suddenly the monthly visitor that they were relieved to get when they were 20, now, at 32, plunges them into the depths of depression.

Like vegetarians who eat chicken but not beef, many pro-choice advocates want it both ways. It's a baby when they want it to be, it's a bundle of cells when they don't.

If you believe that pregnancy doesn't produce a baby until some magic number (13 weeks? 20 weeks? 40?), then you must also agree that it's ridiculous to break down in hysterics, set up a memorial website for your "angel," and seek out a grief counselor when you start bleeding in your first trimester. After all, you're simply talking about the loss of a conglomeration of microscopic cells, right?! That's hardly something to cry about.

Advocate all you want, but don't come crying to me when your hypocrisy hits you like a ton of bricks. If you are going to defend the right to abort babies, you don't have the right to be upset when yours dies.

306 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

Let’s not mince words, a miscarriage IS an abortion, a spontaneous abortion. For people who are pro-choice but don’t condone abortion…sorry, you can’t have your cake and eat it too. Pro-choice is pro-abortion. There wouldn’t be the possibility of pro-choice if there weren’t abortions. As far as the opinion of the writer and the choice of ML to post it, nobody would have a problem if the writer had posted something cold-hearted or mean-spirited about Bush! Along with right of all women to make decisions for their body, we all have the right to FREE SPEECH!

- G

Posted 02/04/09 12:21 PM

I have to agree with what’s been said about this website and forum having huge potential for good, for uniting mothers, for defending family, womanhood, and motherhood but instead has become the means of bringing out that which is most base, most vulgar, and most un-womanly in women. For the woman who wrote the article, just as bearing children is the most womanly thing a woman can participate in, so charity and compassion are the most noble womanly feelings a woman can share and feel. Heartache is heartache regardless of what causes it. We have a responsibility to one another to help lift, strengthen and relieve the suffering of other women, be that emotional, physical, mental or spiritual suffering. Our ability to do so is what elevates us above the animals. And to all who truly believe that life is sacred and divine and begins at conception, the best way to convert others to your views is to treat all life that way-be it a zygote(that little cluster of cells referred to), an embryo, a viable fetus a 35yrold pro-choice woman who just lost her “potential child” or an 80yr old bedridden “vegetable” of a woman. And to all pro-choicers-the best way for you to convert others is to look with compassion (which is different from pity) on those who disagree with you and demonstrate actively your believe that each woman has the right to choose-even if her choice is to think differently from you. As a woman, this article and its subsequent responses make me sad. We are all capable of being better people than the things represented here. And to momlogic, lets be a step above the smut and vulgarity of the paparazzi.

- b

Posted 02/04/09 12:35 PM

The core of the pro-choice movement is to respect a woman’s right over her own body. How did this author miss it or did she conveniently glance over it to make a (stupid) point?

- Kay

Posted 02/04/09 12:42 PM

Why are you people so overly sensitive to someone who has an opinion that is different than yours? You couldn’t read the title and know that it was going to be a touchy subject? Yes, this woman is way off base. I personally think that this mom site is a great alternative to the whole mindless “oh my DS and DD are sooooo wonderful!!!” forums and blogs out there.

- Jen

Posted 02/04/09 12:44 PM

You folks are outraged because you completely missed the point. The point is this: Either it’s not a human life and it’s ok to kill it or it is a human life and it’s not ok to kill it. You don’t get to have it both ways. The point is simple but ugly. Why, on Earth, would you think that an abortion isn’t for you because you wouldn’t want to kill your unborn baby (even if you call it a fetus), but it’s ok for another woman to have one? Think seriously about why you would never have an abortion yourself. It is completely illogical to say that the ‘product of conception’ is a fetus/clump of cells when you didn’t want to be pregnant, but it’s a baby when you did want to be pregnant. It’s not about you, Mommies. It’s about the living being (who has 46 human chromosomes from the very second after sperm meets egg, has a heartbeat at 18 *days* and brain waves at 6 weeks after conception). In this day and age, there is no excuse for the willful ignorance of people who continue to assert that the unborn are clumps of cells and not worthy of protection of the law. Sure, this was a flaming post. It was supposed to make you think, but you’re so busy spouting outdated ‘science’ and slogans that you didn’t take the time to think.

- AnotherMollysMom

Posted 02/04/09 12:48 PM

I agree with this article. You all are missing the point. Take a deep breath and think about the point that is being made versus being “outraged”.

- Sandy

Posted 02/04/09 12:50 PM

Wow! I just started following Momlogic on twitter and thought that it would be a nice community to follow and to “share” with other Mom’s out there. I have to say that this article will have me unfollowing momlogic as well as NEVER coming to this site again. WTF? Mothers in the United States face such up hill battles that this sort of division is horrible. I am a Mother of 2 great boys. I am a Mother who is pro-choice (in any matter involving anyone’s body from abortion, to the right to die when you decide). I also suffered the gut wrenching pain of a miscarriage. It is one thing to make a choice not to have a child (for many different reasons) and all together another when nature has made the choice for you. I sobbed for the child that I was already planning for, already dreaming of, already loving. Obviously the author has never had to suffer through a miscarriage. I hope that for her sake, she never does. If she does, I hope that she finds more compassion in others than she herself can give.

- JJ

Posted 02/04/09 12:52 PM

Is this seriously posted on a site that calls itself “logic”? Sorry I just don’t get the connection between being “pro-choice” and miscarriage. Unfortunately it seems typical of the mean spirited and compassionless judment meted out by radicals in the name of “pro-life”. To me if you’re really “pro-life”, then you would be concerned for the wellbeing of all life - especially the pain and suffering of others. Am I to draw the conclusion that adults who don’t share our own beliefs are unworthy of our love and compassion? No wonder the world is so messed up these days - genocides, religious wars and the like… If this writer’s tone of “vigilante” or “poetic” justice is what this site is about then it is not a site for me. This was my first and last visit to momlogic. It’s more than a difference of opinion folks - it’s fundamental.

- Chris

Posted 02/04/09 12:55 PM

Choice is about making sure all babies are WANTED. Miscarriage is definitely a loss in need of grieving. I am pr-choice. That means that I will not dictate what other women do with their bodies, but that does not mean that I would ever have an abortion myself. Next time keep your self-righteous judgment to yourself.

- Mrs. Martin

Posted 02/04/09 12:59 PM

Also, not all pro-choice people have had abortions, and I know a half-dozen pro-lifers who HAVE had abortions. Generalizations always lead us astray.

- Mrs. Martin

Posted 02/04/09 01:02 PM

It amazes me how upside down the world is. I wonder if our parents and grandparents realized what a slippery slope they created for the future generations. First we relax the moral code, then we have a “problem” with unwanted pregnancies. Instead of claiming responsibility for our actions, we say that it is not really a baby, not a life, and that it is our body and we can choose what to do with our body, and we make killing babies OK. We justify our actions by saying that the baby is unwanted and would be born into hardship. Does that really make anyone feel better about their actions when they slaughter an innocent life? How about the women who are deceived into thinking that the life they are aborting is not real yet. What about their emotional well being afterwards? We NEVER hear about this, yet I know people who are still trying to overcome the guilt over their actions years later. Does anyone with even two connected brain cells feel that the world we are leaving our children is better? Or are there other sane people out there who are scared for the future of our precious children, realizing that in the eyes of the masses their lives mean little. Does anyone else see the correlation between not respecting life and the utter chaos our civilization is in now? In the words of my 8th grade history teacher….. those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it.

- Amy

Posted 02/04/09 01:03 PM

I agree with you

- Joa

Posted 02/04/09 01:16 PM

What an ignorant person the author of this post is. Her uninformed, inconsiderate post doesn’t make me want to come back to this blog anymore. I’d say you have succeed in making this marketing move go sour. I’m probably not the only visitor you’ve lost.

- Laura

Posted 02/04/09 01:37 PM

AMEN! AMEN!

- corie<3

Posted 02/04/09 01:40 PM

What a hateful post. Guest Blogger Gina, have you ever had to make a difficult choice with no easy answer? Studies have proven that most women who have abortions do so because of financial reasons, not because it just feels like a good day to not be pregnant anymore. Additionally, not all women who are Pro-Choice have had abortions! I am Pro-Choice because I don’t want the government or scary religious types telling me what to do with my own body. There are people who believe it is honorable to die in pregnancy due to high risk rather than abort and LIVE. Most women I know who have had abortions did not do so lightly and have agonized for years over their decision, even when it was the right thing to do. And yes, sometimes it is the right thing to do. Have you ever known anyone who was told they would die in pregnancy? Or trapped in an abusive relationship? Or told that their fetus would never develop properly and would die a slow, horrible death soon after birth? Because yes, these scenarios DO happen. If those women found themselves in different circumstances later in life and were not able to have a healthy pregnancy, maybe a little compassion would be a better way to go.

- Enough already

Posted 02/04/09 02:00 PM

I think this should turn into an open forum where the guest blogger is able to address the comments.

- Lori

Posted 02/04/09 02:09 PM

wow. i agree with most here. momlogic, WTF? gina has no place in writing this hate. pro-choice does not mean you will not be sad if you miscarry. stupidity at it’s finest.

- kerry

Posted 02/04/09 02:10 PM

Amy- Those words were not your 8th grade teacher’s, but George Santayana’s. Unwanted pregnancies have been around since the dawn of mankind. They are not a concern unique to our generation, or our parents’, or our grandparents’.

- Di

Posted 02/04/09 02:11 PM

I fully agree with this article! It is a lump of cells unless you want it to be a baby! Ironic isn’t it. I had a friend who cried and whined about not wanting to be pregnant and was considering an abortion. Low and behold she had a miscarriage and wanted sympathy for the loss of her child! She wanted to kill it anyway. Sorry for my lack of sympathy to anyone who loses a baby in pregnancy when they have no problem with purposely killing one during a pregnancy.

- Sara

Posted 02/04/09 02:21 PM

Since when does pro-choice mean you don’t think abortion is a tragedy? Sadly, a woman’s stated political beliefs don’t make a difference when it is her turn to make the difficult choice to have an abortion. Pro-lifers do so as often as pro-choicers. I am pregnant with my second child after losing my first. It is disgusting and demeaning to say my children mean less than the children of a pro-lifer.

- Amy

Posted 02/04/09 02:21 PM