Pro-Choice? Quit Crying About Your Miscarriage

Pro-Choice? Quit Crying About Your Miscarriage

Thursday, February 5, 2009

filed under: health logic

Editor's note: momlogic values the right of every woman to have -- and express -- their opinion, and this post is no exception. For those who have a strong reaction to the sentiments expressed below, we encourage you to make your voice heard in our community.

Guest blogger Gina: I respect women's right to choose, but I have little tolerance for pro-choicers who expect sympathy when they have a miscarriage.

These are women who put pro-choice buttons on their backpacks in college and ridiculed pro-lifers for being backward, repressive religious freaks who want to control the world's uteruses.

Ten years have passed and lo and behold, these women have grown up, gotten married, and now have the itch to have a baby of their own. Suddenly the monthly visitor that they were relieved to get when they were 20, now, at 32, plunges them into the depths of depression.

Like vegetarians who eat chicken but not beef, many pro-choice advocates want it both ways. It's a baby when they want it to be, it's a bundle of cells when they don't.

If you believe that pregnancy doesn't produce a baby until some magic number (13 weeks? 20 weeks? 40?), then you must also agree that it's ridiculous to break down in hysterics, set up a memorial website for your "angel," and seek out a grief counselor when you start bleeding in your first trimester. After all, you're simply talking about the loss of a conglomeration of microscopic cells, right?! That's hardly something to cry about.

Advocate all you want, but don't come crying to me when your hypocrisy hits you like a ton of bricks. If you are going to defend the right to abort babies, you don't have the right to be upset when yours dies.

306 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

This writer assumes that having an abortion is emotionless. This is not a decision women come to lightly; and even if a decision to terminate is what happens, it is not without the same heart wrenching feelings that having a miscarriage holds. Whether it’s by choice or not, losing a pregnancy is one of the most difficult things a women can go through. Just because a person believes they have the right to choose, doesn’t discount the emotions that go along with it.

- Anonymous

Posted 02/05/09 03:16 PM

Fake article posted by MOMLOGIC only posted to get attention for the website because people are leaving the site.

- Anonymous

Posted 02/05/09 03:17 PM

My first and last visit to Momlogic. Not because I’m OMGOFFENDED by this ridiculous tripe, but because it’s so poorly-written and devoid of logic that I have no respect for a site that would give it a platform.

- Catherine

Posted 02/05/09 03:21 PM

I think you made a valid point. Judging by the rage against you, so did a lot of others!

- Elena

Posted 02/05/09 03:26 PM

Wow, it’s hard to know where to start. I have never had an abortion. I have had 8 early miscarriages though, and one daughter who died shortly after she was born full-term due to a birth/cord accident. I also am pro-choice. I have to tell you that your lack of understanding and compassion is astonishing. For the miscarriages I had, I certainly mourned. I mourned the loss of potential and the emptiness for myself as a mother. That’s a legitimate grief, sad that women have to go through it, and perfectly okay to mourn. But losing my baby after holding her and seeing her body was an order of magnitude different. She suffered incredible brain damage and watching her first struggle and then give up was quite something. All that though was my personal pain. All those children were fiercely wanted, and my daughter was beautiful. I would have laid my life down for her in a second. And you know what? If she had grown up and gotten pregnant at a time that she could not handle it, and wasn’t willing to go through the pregnancy, I would have supported her one hundred percent. Because what I wish for her would have been a life where she could experience her own body, learn responsibility, and make her own moral decisions. I’m so sorry that whatever your life path has been you have become so judgemental and without compassion - truly very unlike Christ in His love.

- Shandra

Posted 02/05/09 03:27 PM

Brilliant post in my opinion. I have always wondered why there can be such a double standard when it comes to this subject. I’m not even talking about the abortions women choose because of medical reasons, I am talking about the choice where you could have CHOSEN to not have sex in the first place. That’s what choice really is people. I also find it odd that these “natural moms” are pro-choice. There is nothing natural about induced abortions.

- Missy

Posted 02/05/09 03:29 PM

Gina-no-last-name: Pro-choice does not equal “anti-babies” or even “pro-abortion”, as many anti-choicers believe. Pro-choice equals the right for each woman to choose for herself what to do with her own body. Not even the most extreme pro-choicers LOVE abortion. We simply believe that it’s our body and our decision, not the government’s. Many moms are pro-choice, myself included. Any woman excited about the prospect of having a baby envisions what it will be like once the baby is born. It is the expectation of the new baby that a woman is grieving when she miscarries. That has nothing to do with her belief that the government should not be allowed to dictate what she does with her body. Contrary to your absurd statement, every woman (every person for that matter) has the right to experience any emotion that they have, including grief. Don’t worry, I don’t think any grieving women will come crying to you anytime soon. MomLogic: I understand that you believe in freedom of expression and that you allow all types of opinions here. I applaud freedom of expression in addition to freedom of choice. Having said that, this post is filed under, “health”. I don’t see how this woman’s opinion piece falls under that category. Additionally, I sincerly hope that this post was not published with the sole purpose of arousing controversy to gain attention. Why is the author anonymous? Does she have a blog of her own?

- So Much More Than A Mom

Posted 02/05/09 03:29 PM

I think this ‘article’ is very cold. I also think there is some pretty lame stereotyping going on. I don’t believe that being pro-choice has everything to do with abortion. I can totally see how a woman who has had trouble conceiving could be posting ‘pro-life, pro-woman’ comments/pictures/opinions…whatever. I deal with infertiliy myself (and NO I’ve never had an abortion!). I believe pro-choice can also be about having access to reproductive care to CONCEIVE! I don’t want a government to tell me I can’t start my baby’s life in a petri dish! I don’t want them to have control over the health and wellbeing of my family….in ANY medical situation…not just for abortion! Wild scenario I’ll toss out there: The government comes to believe we’re being overpopulated and orders every pregnancy to be terminated… Do you think they should hold that right to our bodies? It’s not about encouraging women to get abortions… it’s about standing up and believing in ourselves. We are capable of making our own decisions and we’re not going to bend over and take the big one from the government. Also… Women who are forced to chose abortion do not call up all the girls for cake and drinks to celebrate what they’ve just done. It’s not a party, it’s a very devastating situation. And most of all… IT’S NOT OUR BUSINESS!!

- NJ

Posted 02/05/09 03:29 PM

Ditto Dawn - not returning here- removing from twitter recommendations. And Catherine - VERY well stated. Totally devoid of logic- and definitely a tactic to generate “traffic”. Buh-bye MomIllogic

- Astonished

Posted 02/05/09 03:30 PM

Hey there bb. You flaked on your visit to see me again. Remember when you use big words like “choice” and start to get a little indignant in a blog post, you should ask me what the words that you type mean or else you look pitifully stupid and uneducated.

- Dictionary

Posted 02/05/09 03:31 PM

I thought this was going to be my new favorite site. I was competely wrong. I soon found that the whole site is gross.

- Anonymous

Posted 02/05/09 03:32 PM

Okay, seriously… Pro-Choice IS NOT Pro-Abortion. I personally wouldn’t have an abortion unless my life were in danger. Yes, I’d have a rape baby (after 3 miscarriages, I’d give birth to practically anything!). That being said, I won’t stand around and pass judgement on whether other women should follow what I do. And I certainly would NEVER tell a grieving mother to get over it. You say you respect a woman’s right to choose, but you certainly don’t have the attitude of it. In fact, it sounds darned hypocritical!

- Jena

Posted 02/05/09 03:36 PM

It’s funny how us pro-lifers can get stereotyoped but we can’t possibly state our opinions ever. We are deemed stupid and ultra religious. I know pro-choice isn’t always pro-abortion but come on people! Her point is that it is an odd thing to hear someone’s depressing stories about their miscarriage when they clearly believe a mother has the right to let her child live or die. Call it what you want but it is a shame we value life so little until there is something in it for us. I fully expect people to disagree but understand, there are many bloggers I love reading that are pro-choice and I don’t put them on my enemy list just because we have different points of view. It’s childish to suggest that this article is as bad as you say it is when it is just an opinion. We all have them.

- Missy

Posted 02/05/09 03:37 PM

Sorry, MomLogic, this is the end of the road for me. This is poorly written, illogical, sensationalist tripe. You’ve lost yet another reader.

- Heather

Posted 02/05/09 03:42 PM

This comparison simply does not work. When a woman miscarries a desired pregnancy, she is mourning more than the death of the fetus. She is mourning her personal connection to the pregnancy. She is mourning the hopes, dreams and expectations for her anticipated motherhood, whether it be her first or tenth child. Supporting abortion rights and suffering in the wake of a miscarriage of a pregnancy are in no way at odds. We can absolutely support the right of women to have autonomy over all aspects of their reproductive life, and still mourn the loss of our dreams and hopes for our pregnancies, motherhood, and children. The point is that in nations with free reproductive choice, women can choose to terminate a pregnancy that their lives, bodies or minds cannot handle. They may or may not experience grief, but they do so in the context of a choice they made for themselves. In the miscarriage of a desired pregnancy, there is no choice, and there is no positive to offset the grief the woman may experience. There is only loss, and suggesting that supporting other women’s bodily autonomy must bar us from experiencing that loss equally is self-centered at best, and downright cruel and vindictive at worst.

- Melissa

Posted 02/05/09 03:44 PM

This is disgusting. Absolutely disgusting.

- Kristi

Posted 02/05/09 03:55 PM

This is just absurd. There is absolutely no grain of truth or substance in this entire article. momlogic and Gina should be ashamed.

- Anonymous

Posted 02/05/09 03:55 PM

People like this see the world in black and white. They don’t understand gray areas, and some people just don’t want to. Somebody missed the point of being “pro-choice.”

- Scarlet

Posted 02/05/09 03:57 PM

You’re really not at ALL clear on what “choice” means, are you? “Pro choice” means “in favor of people being able to make decisions for themselves”. It does not mean “YAY! Everybody run out and get an abortion!” Why should a woman who CHOOSES to become pregnant not be allowed to grieve when the child she WANTED dies? Who are you to gainsay her? Ridiculous fallacies like yours serve only to make you look foolish. I hope you weren’t paid for your ill-educated bitchery.

- Maggie

Posted 02/05/09 04:04 PM

Wow, I am stunned that this even got posted. You are a mess lady!!

- Rebel

Posted 02/05/09 04:07 PM