Guest blogger Jana Mathews: It's okay to be frustrated with your child ... unless that child is adopted.
Maybe it's just me (and I hope that it is!), but it seems like there is a double standard when it comes to parenting: moms are allowed to get angry with their biological children, but a mother who expresses any emotion other than undefiled joy in relation to her adopted child is a horrible parent and an ungrateful person ... at least according to some people.
"How can you get angry with someone that you wanted so badly?" is my favorite line.
It frustrates me when people hold adoptive parents to a higher standard of parenting than non-adoptive parents. I don't feel that I should have to prove my commitment to or love for my adopted child any more than I do my biological children.
For the record, I do in fact remember how desperately I wanted to be a mother and how overjoyed I was when I learned that I was going to be one. My daughter is the light of my life and I love her dearly. The way she came into our family is special and every time I look at her, I am filled with gratitude for the blessing that is to raise her and call her my own.
Letting that gratitude bleed into favortism, however, doesn't do anyone any favors. My daughter is my child, not a house guest or visiting dignitary. She has chores, just like her brothers. She goes to time-out when she misbehaves, just like her brothers. She also has daily "special time" with me and weekly date nights with her father ... just like her brothers.
Some people seem to be genuinely shocked that parents treat their adopted children the same -- no better, no worse -- as their non-adopted children. I am surprised by those who think that we wouldn't.
|Jana Mathews is the mother of "four under five" and the author of The Meanest Mom blog.|