Here's the latest installment of the Friendship Court.
I recently invited my BFF Sue out to dinner with my "work friends." We -- me and my work friends -- go out every few months and since I have told Sue so much about them, she wanted to come along, and I thought this would be a good idea.
Well, we had a few drinks and you know what happens with the ladies ... the conversation turned to sex. One colleague announced how many sex partners she has had in her life (which was more than 10 and less than 20) and then the rest jumped into the conversation throwing "their numbers" around. I said nothing as I don't think this is something to discuss with work people, even if they are your friends. Sue didn't "take my lead," and blurted out, "Janice was a virgin when she got married." I thought I would die.
The conversation then started happening around me, as if I wasn't there, like "I don't believe it!' "Is she some kind of freak?" "Who buys a car with out a test drive?"
I screamed at Sue the whole ride home and am still so angry I may implode. She keeps calling me and leaving me messages, saying she doesn't see what the big deal is. I can't speak to her and I can't even look at my "work friends." How would The Friendship Court rule on this one?
Leslie Adler writes: Janice, first let me say that you should remain comfortable and confident with the choices you made in your life, despite the silly comments made by your work friends. I think that's a very personal decision and you need to find a way to view it with pride rather than insecurity so that you can hold your head up at work.
Second, it seems to me that a lot of BFFs who know us a long time confuse things that are their story to tell and their BFF's personal story to tell. Sue violated your privacy and should not have said what she said, especially in a setting that, while fun, did involve people you work with. Sue screwed up, and saying she doesn't see what the big deal is, is inexcusable. Clearly, this is a big deal to you, and I rule that she absolutely owes you an apology. That being said, I think you should accept that apology when she gets smart enough to offer it and explain clearly to her why you think what she did was completely inappropriate. Explain what type of things you view as "your story to tell" so your friendship can continue.
Ever have a fight or a break-up with a friend and wish a judge could tell you who's right?
Join THE FRIENDSHIP COURT in our ML Community and Leslie will help you settle this once and for all!
|Leslie Adler mother, lawyer and creator of the Vuv Club shares her witty thoughts on the many roles women play in their everyday lives. Leslie also combines her legal skills and friendship experience as presiding judge of Momlogic's "The Friendship Court."|